Wednesday, November 28, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Mature.

Apple tree in bud
Fully Mature red apples
Plummet to the ground.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Fun Ditties.

Willy was showing off his sashes
when he fell into the fire
and was burnt to grey ashes.
After a while the room
grew kinda chilly billy
but no-one dared
to nudge poor Willy.

Mary had a little lamb
the doctor nearly fainted!.

When ya take a peek
inside this stellar book
and on this page
you frown
don't forget the soul
who spoilt this
stellar book by
writing everything 
upside down.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For That reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?.

We all know nothing sticks to Teflon, so how does Teflon stick to the fry pan?.

Why can't we shoot tourists when its tourist season?.

What do ya call a male Ladybird?.

Why are there locks on shop doors that are open 24/7, 365 days of the year?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Mushroom.

I'll perish alone
My blood will Mushroom and spill
On some obscure hill.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Soup, Road and Chess.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What variety of Soup are skeletons partial to?.
A: A Soup with heaps of body!.

Q: Why did Duke Dog cross the Road?.
A: Because Cleo Chicken had the day off!.

The sun is peeping over the horizon and Jade Juniper is out on her early morning jog through the Contention Botanical Gardens when she comes across Terry Trumpet playing Chess with Chloe Cat and says, i can't believe my eyes, i must be dreaming a cat that plays Chess, what a clever animal, what is your cats name?.

Its Chloe and she's not really that clever at all because i'm beating her six games to one, replies Terry.
Well Chloe still beat you in one game now that's what i call a clever animal, replies Jade, then contunies on her jog along the footpath.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Heaven Is Close To Full Today.

Standing in line at the pearly gates of heaven waiting to enter are Tom, Dick and Harry when word filters down the line that its been a hectic day and Heaven Is Close To Full Today. After St Peter had a yarn with St Christopher about this problem it was decided that people who snuffed it horribly would enter first.

St Peter ambles through the pearly gates, coming to a halt in front of Tom and says, because Heaven Is Close To Full Today we are only accepting people who have snuffed it horribly to enter first so please tell me your story.

For sometime i've suspected that my wife has been unfaithfull so today i snuck home early to try and catch her in the act. After entering our 20th floor apartment i had a strange feeling something was not right. I started searching our apartment from floor to ceiling but i couldn't find where this bloke was hiding. The only place i hadn't searched was the balcony, sure enough, there was this bloke hanging off the balcony railing 20 floors above ground level.

I cracked a wobbly and started laying into this bloke but he wouldn't let go, then i thought of the large wooden fork hanging on the kitchen wall, i grabbed it, raced back out onto the balcony and started stabbing his fingers with it, which did the trick, he let go and plummeted 20 floors, landing on a garden bed chock-a-block with dense native bushes and survived.

Seeing that he survived i cracked an even bigger wobbly. I ran back into the kitchen grabbed the fridge, chucked it over the balcony railing cleaning him up big time and he snuffed it on the spot. Sadly for me the high amount of stress, anger and anguish got the better of me and i snuffed it on the balcony from a heart attack.
Crikey!, that is horrible, you may enter heaven, says St Peter.

After a short break St Peter signals the next in line to step forward. Dick ambles forward and halts in front of St Peter who repeats what he said to Tom and asks Dick to tell him his story.

I live on the 21st floor of my apartment block and every morning i excerise out on the balcony. All of a sudden i find myself hanging off the 20th floor balcony railing how i ended up there is a mystery to me. Anyway i was struggling to hang on when this bloke burst onto the balcony, straight away i thought i was saved, no such luck, because this bloke starts laying into me, until he ran back inside and returned with a large wooden fork and starts stabbing my fingers with it. Naturally i couldn't hold on any longer and let go ending up in a garden bed chock-a-block with dense, sturdy native bushes and survived although a bit wobbly. Suddenly out of the blue comes this fridge cleaning me up big time so i snuffed it on the spot.
Stone the crows!, that is horrible and it does sound familiar, all the same you may enter heaven, says St Peter.

After another short break St Peter signals the next in line to step forward. Harry ambles forward and halts in front of St Peter who repeats what he said to Tom and Dick and then asks Harry to tell him his story.

Just visualize i'm hiding in a fridge............
Shaking his head and raising his hand to stop Harry from proceeding any further St Peter says, Hang on i know what ya gunna say. You were hiding in a fridge when you were chucked off a balcony 20 floors up, am i correct?.
You're spot on , how did ya know?, asks Harry.
Lets just say i have the nose that knows, you may enter heaven, replies St Peter.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Mad.

City of Mad souls.
Pass through the rivers of light.
Into the blackness.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?.

If late night snacks are bad for ya, why is there a light in the fridge?.

Why are wrong numbers never busy?.

Is there anything civil about a civil war?.

Wear short sleeves and support your right to bare arms!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.