Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Hen Pecked.

Over the course of a week the entire population of Mother Earth kicks the bucket from a volitant contagion and everybody ends up in heaven. A few hours later a Devine Being turns up perched on a cloud, decamps and says, would all the men form two lines. One line will be for the men who dominated their wives or girlfriends. The second line is for the other men who were Hen Pecked by their wives or girlfriends, also all the wives and girlfriends are to leave with St Peter right away.

After all the wives and girlfriends have disappeared with St Peter the Devine Being ogles the two lines of men and notices the line where the men who were Hen Pecked stretches as far as the eye can see. On the second line are the men who dominated their wives or girlfriends and only one man is standing in that line and he is Burt Blonde.

Shaking his head in disgust the Devine Being says, stone the crows, all you men should be ashamed of yourselves for being Hen Pecked by your wives or girlfriends. Cast your peepers on the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud and learn from him.

The Devine Being strides over to Burt Blonde and asks, tell me your name my son?.
Its Burt Blonde, replies Burt.
Tell me Burt, how come you are the only man standing in this line?.
Before my wife left with St Peter she said i was to stand in this line or else!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.   

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Humpless, Jogging and A Chinese Restaurant.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do ya call a humpless camel?.
A: Humphrey!.

Q: What is the definition of macho?.
A: Jogging home after a vasectomy!.

Q: What would ya call A Chinese Restaurant at Ayers rock?.
A: Ayers wok!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Fun Ditties.

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in the closet
everytime she took it out
there was a tiny deposit!.

Sail a small boat
down the meandering river
fish in the teeming rain
cherish the green grass
worship the waters
that offer their purity.

Polly put the kettle on
it fitted her to a tea
then she mumbled to herself
how am i gunna pee!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Toilet.

Like a Toilet door
My heart is scribbled over
with foul grafitti.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Dinner, Drumsticks and Too Far To Walk.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What type of food is Daisy Dogs favourite?.
A: Everything on your Dinner plate!.

Q: What do ya get when ya cross a chicken with a centipede?.
A: Enough chicken Drumsticks to feed a small army!.

Driving along a wide dusty track deep in the Aussie Outback are Burt Blonde and Rusty Redhead when all of a sudden their ute conks out.

How far do ya reckon it is to the next town?, asks Rusty.
About 100 clicks give or take a coupla clicks, replies Burt.
Crikey!, that is much Too Far To Walk.
What do you suggest we do then?.
I know we can each walk 50 clicks then it won't seem so far!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Would a fly be called walk if it had no wings?.

Is there any such thing as mouse flavoured cat food?.

We all know Superman can stop a bullet, so why does he duck when a bad guy throws the gun at him?.

What is the speed of dark?.

I hope to live forever, so far, so good!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Wine.

Dark musty cellar
Ancient bottles of red Wine
Kip on robust racks.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown ups. Today I'm Featuring: Idiots, Ginormous and Legless.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do men act like Idiots?.
A: Who says they're acting!.

Q: Which breed of bird delivers Ginormous babies?.
A: Frankenstork!.

While on my morning walk the other day i came upon our local bottle shop. Stuck to the window was a advertising poster for Victoria Bitter Beer and Carlton Draught Beer which reads:
Take away
6 pack $12.50
Slab $41.00
(Full members only)?.
The last bracketed line reads like you have to be Legless to make a purchase. What do ya reckon?.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, December 01, 2012


Its Friday afternoon at the Contention Medical College when the bell sounds for the end of last period. Excitedly the medical students start packing away their books and laptops when their teacher Dr. Terry Trumpet says, ok class before you home for the weekend, first thing Monday morning you'll be conducting your first ever Autopsy, now off ya go and enjoy ya weekend.

Without a second thought the medical students pile out of the classroom, some go their individual ways, others in groups. After tidying up his cluttered desk Dr. Trumpet closes and locks the classroom door, ambles down the crowded corridor packed with students, through the main doors out into the car park, jumps into his brand new 4WD, fires up the engine and crawls through the packed car park and out onto the congested road.

At the end of the road the traffic lights wink green so he continues on until he reaches the halfway point of the intersection where a bus running a red light cleans him up sending him skating on four wheels across the intersection, slamming side on into a large sturdy gum tree where he passes away from his injuries.

In the classroom Monday morning the medical students are gathered eagerly waiting for their class to begin when Dr. Tony Trumpet enters and says, i'll be your teacher for the rest of the year in place of my brother who passed away from his injuries in a car accident last Friday afternoon. I believe my brother was to instruct you all on how to perform an Auotspy. Would Stan and Sally please go to the walk in freezer and return with a cadaver so we can make a start.

Decamping from their stools Sally and Stan amble through the large swing doors, along the brightly lit corridor, enter the walk in freezer and grab the first trolley they come to and return to the classroom, coming to a halt beside the nearest examination table where the cadaver is lifted off and gently placed on the table.
Gather round everyone so we can make a start, says Dr. Trumpet who then grabs one corner of the crisp white sheet covering the cadaver and flings it off only to discover to everyones shock and horror that the cadaver lying on the table is none other than the medical students former teacher and Dr. Trumpets later brother Terry.

A few moments go by when two students faint on the spot, three others race over and spew into the nearest sink, everyone else stands around gawping in disbelief like stunned mullets. Quick as a flash Dr. Trumpet snaffles up the discarded sheet and covers his brother cadaver. After everyone has picked themselves up off the floor and finished spewing in the sink Dr. Trumpet says, i reckon we'll call it a day and start a fresh first thing tomorrow.

This incident actually happened in Europe. The real parts are the medical students and their teachers cadaver. Once again my Bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces like the car accident, Dr. Tony & Terry Trumpet and the students reaction. How would you feel if this incident happened to you?.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.