Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, Special Moments, Fire And Tiny Hands.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do kodak cameras and condoms have in common?.
A: They both capture those Special Moments!.

Q: How did pinocchio find out he was made of wood?.
A: When his hand caught Fire!.

During a talk with his son Sam about the birds and the bees his Father Frank says, You should marry a woman with Tiny Hands.
Why?, asks Sam.
Frank Father replies, Because it'll make your willy look bigger!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Funky Anagrams.

What's an Anagram, it's a word or phrase which the letters are rearranged to form another word or phrase.

Rearrange "GEORGE BUSH" you get "HE BUGS GORE".

Rearrange "ELEVEN PLUS TWO" you get "TWELVE PLUS ONE".

Rearrange "DORMITORY" you get "DIRTY ROOM".

Rearrange "PRESBYTERIAN" you get "BEST IN PRAYER".

Rearrange "ANIMOSITY" you get "IS NO AMITY".

Rearrange "THE MORSE CODE" you get "HERE COME THE DOTS".

Rearrange "THE EYES" you get "THEY SEE".

Rearrange "DESPERATION" you get "A ROPE END IT".

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 012: Daylight.

Daylight is leaving.
Nightime gradually closing in.
Time rushes forward.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, Banana's, Laxatives, And One Leg.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why did the fruit packer lose his job?.
A: Because he kept trying to straighten the Banana's!.

Mandy had a tiny gold watch.
She swallowed it one day.
Now she's eating Laxatives.
To pass the time away.
But the Laxatives they did not work.
Because time refused to pass.
If you want to know what time it is.
You'll have to look up Mandy's!!!.
Auntie she's got the tiny gold watch.
Because time did finally pass.

Q: Why was the witch called Eileen?.
A: Because she only had One Leg!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Perfectly Shaped.

Dancing the night away on saturday night at the local disco were Claire and Roger, where the dance floor is crowded with a dozen or so other couples. The atmosphere is electric, hot and sweaty with coloured strobe lights, mirrored disco ball dangling from the rafters beaming rays of coloured lights around the dance floor.

Suddenly one of Claires earrings slips off her ear and works it way down between her strapless black dress and back.
Claire grabs Roger by the arm and asks, Could you reach down my back and try to grab my earring?. Roger obliges, but the further he reaches down Claires back the further down the earring travels until!.

Roger says, All i feel is a perfectly shape bottom and no earring.
Claire Replies, Thank you, my boobs are perfectly shaped too, now let go of my bottom!.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 011: Dawn.

Cold misty morning.
Sun rises high in the sky.
Creating new Dawn.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring, Boots, Dinner Dishes And Bacon.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why did the cowboy want to die with his Boots on?.
A: Because when he kicked the bucket he didn't want to stub his toe?.

Debbie Daughter is at the kitchen sink washing up the dirty dinner dishes but is leaving behind bits of dried food and slimy grease.
This prompts her Father Fred to say, Why don't you use some elbow grease?.
Debbie Daughter replies, Which cupboard is it in!.

On a dark and stormy night.
All the world was a shakin'.
The little pig cocked his tail.
Then scampered off to save his Bacon.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Ashes Cricket Match.

After battling through the morning peak period for half an hour Bertha Brown finally arrives at the hospital's underground carpark, deposits her anicent station wagon, zooms through the dingy lit carpark up the ramp that connects to the lifts. Taking the first lift Bertha presses the second floor button where her daughter Betty Blonde is about to drop her bundle in the maternity ward.

When the lift turns up on the second floor Bertha steps out, gazes around, spots the waiting room where she sees her son-in-law Burt Blonde sitting on a white plastic chair listening to the Ashes Cricket Match between England and Australia on his i pod with earphones that fit snuggly in your ears.

Setting foot in the jam packed and riotous waiting room Bertha strides up to Burt Blonde and asks, How's it going?. Because of all the racket and the earphones jammed in his ears Burt Blonde completely misunderstands the question thinking Bertha is asking about the cricket scores Burt says, very good, they've got four out so far and there's only two more left to go. Hearing this Bertha screams, Oh! no, then faints.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 010: Hate.

Blind passionate love.
Extinguished by spiteful Hate.
Sparked by desire.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring, A Worm, Lunch Time And A Tail.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Which insect has a boring life?.
A: A wood Worm!.

It's Lunch Time at the local college and a small gang of students come together in the copious school canteen dining room for lunch.
Sally Student asks, What does your mum and dad do for a crust?.
Samantha Student replies, They are in the iron and steel business.
Sally Student asks, What does that involve?.
Samantha Student Replies, It involves mum doing the ironing and dad doing the stealing!.

Q: Why was the dog chasing his Tail?.
A: He was trying to make ends meet!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Medical Problems.

Ron Rozzer pulls over Don Driver who's been caught speeding 20 km's over the speed limit and driving erratically, nearly running another car into a ditch. Pulling over to the side of the highway Ron Rozzer wanders up to Don Driver and says, you'll have to take a breathalyzer test because you were detected speeding and driving erratically along the highway.

Don Driver replies, i've got a few Medical Problems, i can't take a breathalyzer test because i'm asthmatic and i'll have an asthma attack, a blood test is out of the question because i'm hemophiliac and i'll bleed to death, no urine sample either i'm also a diabetic and could end up with really low blood sugar level and pass out.

Ron Rozzer says, there's only one test left and that is for you to walk along this straight white line to prove if you're drunk or not.
No way, replies Don Driver.
Why not?, asks Ron Rozzer.
Because i'm as drunk as a skunk, replies Don Driver.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 09: Horror.

Homemade blasts of death.
Wave of Horror in London.
Suicide bombers.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Several Bolts Of Lightning.

During a wild and violent thunderstorm on saturday night a giant wooden statue of Jesus Christ erected in the grounds of the local church was struck by several bolts of lightning, catching fire and burning to the ground. All that remained were small pieces of charred timber mixed with black and grey ash. This much beloved giant wooden statue of Jesus Christ is fully paid for and insured by private donations and the church itself.

When it came time to claim the incident on insurance the company denied liability claiming the incident was an act of god and refused to pay any cost towards a replacement statue even though there were no eye witnesses, photos, camera footage or any other proof to justify denial of payment. What's ironic is that one fictional character can be blamed for destroying another fictional characters statue.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.