A Bonza Jest: Large Red Board.

Casually strolling through the wood and glass front door of the seedy, sleazy, grubby and dimly lit local chemist Luke makes a bee-line straight to Sally the sales assistant who's busy restocking a shelf with cough mixture and asks for a packet of coloured french letters, What size do ya need mate?, asks Sally.
Blowed if i know, i've never measured my willy before, replies a slightly embarrassed Luke.
Not a problem, replies Sally. Just walk through the green door behind you and you'll see a Large Red Board with different size holes drilled in it suspended from the ceiling by two strands of wire cable, just pop your willy in each hole until you come across the correct size or one that's close enough for you.

Luke turns around walks through the green door and enters a cold, dark and forboding room with only a desk lamp shining away in one corner of what could have been an old dusty store room in a past life. Standing in front of the Large Red Board Luke tries each different size hole. So focused on the job in hand, Luke didn't realize that Sally has snuck into the dusty old store room via a camouflaged door disguised as an old battered and badly scratched wardrobe and is on the other side of the Large Red Board having a grope each time Luke pokes his willy through a different size hole.

After Luke is satisfied he's found the correct size he rolls up to the cluttered glass counter at the front of the chemist shop where Sally is perched on a wooden stool.
Is everything ok mate?, asks Sally.
Everthing is just fine and dandy, replies Luke.
Which size coloured french letters have ya settled on?, asks Sally.
Forget the packet of coloured french letters i asked for, just sell me the Large Red Board instead because its magical, it really turns me on and tickles my fancy big time.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.