Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring: A Undertaker, A Blonde, A Footballer and every little girls favourite doll Barbie.

So wrap your laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Did you hear about the Undertaker who buried a body in the wrong grave?.
A: He was terminated for his grave mistake!.

Q: What was Betty Blonde doing up the tree?.
A: She was raking up the leaves!.

Q: Why was the Footballer nicknamed the judge?.
A: Because he spends most of the game on the bench!.

: There's a new Barbie doll on the market she's called "Rasta Barbie" she comes with a tie-dyed t-shirt, dreadlocks, a CD of reggae music, a bag of green stuff.
Roll your own papers sold seperately!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Tiny Tale: Eliminator.

Scaling the tall bluestone fence that surrounds the Drug Lords mansion Cliff landed feet first on the long wet grass, glanced around to check that the coast was clear, dashed across the front yard towards the mansion undercover of darkness with only the moonlight to guide his way. Mounting the timber veranda he made a bee line for the nearest open window, slipped through the gap landing silently on the thick carpeted floor of what seemed to be the lounge room, crept towards the doorway that led into the hallway at the same time withdrawing his silenced pistol from the waist band of his faded blue jeans.

Standing in the doorway Cliff peered down the hallway and spotted a thin ray of light coming from a crack in the open bedroom door of the Drug Lords bedroom. Creeping down the hallway back to the wall dodging the expensive paintings hanging on the wall and using the thin ray of light as a guide he stopped beside the bedroom door with silenced pistol pointing at the thickly carpeted floor.

Slowly pushing open the bedroom door with his gloved fingertips wide enough to make out a body resting in bed covered by a doona and sheets Cliff entered and rapidly fired off six shots impacting the body in the upper region. Moving forward Cliff seized the doona and sheets tossing them aside to reveal no body only rolled up towels, sheets made up to resemble the shape of a body when Cliff saw them the penny dropped that he'd been set up big time.

Suddenly the lourve doors of the built in wardrobe burst open smashing up against the walls out jumped Bill and Ben the Drug Lords bodyguards brandishing sawn off shot guns. Focusing them on Cliff they opened fire thumping Cliff in the chest and stomach at the same time lifting him off the floor he then landed on his back like a sack of spuds covered in blood. After the gunsmoke had cleared Bill and Ben rolled Cliff up into a large floor rug then dumped him in the hallway ready to dispose of after they'd cleaned up the bloody mess. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring: A Teacher, A Knock, Knock, A Cough, and everybodies favourite a Jolly Snowman.

Sso wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Tim Teacher asks: My desk has 5 flies on it and i squashed one how many would i have left on my desk?.
Prunella Pupil replies: You'd have one left the squashed one!.

Q: What happens in a medicine laboratory when business is slow?.
A: You can hear a cough drop!.

> Knock, knock.
> Who's there?.
> Adair!.
> Adair who?.
> Ad-air once now i'm bald as a babies bottom!.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?.
A: Nasty frostbite!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

The Nose That Doesn't Know.

It's testing time once again for the Airport Sniffer Dogs to see whether they are still up to the task at hand. Just before starting his shift the Airport Customs Officer was handed a small plastic bag of cannabis by the tester and told to plant the bag in a unsuspecting passengers piece luggage straight away so the test could begin.

Bad luck for the unsuspecting passenger if he or she got caught before the test began, they'd hang him or her out to dry don't you think as it's doubtful anybody would claim the plastic bag of cannabis as there's.

The first Sniffer Dog off the rank had a good sniff around some pieces of luggage but sadly failed to seek out the plastic bag of cannabis and to top it all off the Customs Officer forgot which piece of luggage the bag was planted in.

The upside to this is the unsuspecting passenger got a free plastic bag of cannabis to enjoy, that's if it was really planted in the first place and not tea leafed by someone else. The downside is the Sniffer Dog was retired and the Customs Officer no longer had a job which i'm not surprised about but you have to ask yourself what really happened to the plastic bag of cannabis?. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring: Two Kookaburras, A Sax Player, A Monster and Lastly a Turtle.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Karl Kookaburra perched in a gum tree asks: What kind of math do owls like?.
Karen Kookaburra perched in a gum tree replies: Owlgebra!.

Q: Who would you trust to take directions from if you were lost in the Aussie bush?.
>An out of tune soprano sax player.
>An in tune soprano sax player.
>Santa Claus.
A: An out of tune soprano sax player because you dreamt up the other two!.

Q: When a monster loses his head who does he call?.
A: A head hunter!.

Cate Customer says to Wilbur Waiter: I found a hair in my turtle soup?.
Wilbur Waiter replies: Well the turtle finally caught up with the hare!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Only Worth Two Beers.

Woman drove her petrol guzzling 4 wd into the local petrol station, parked next to one of the bowsers got out with her three month old baby daughter and offered to sell her to the male customer filling up his tank for the cost of two beers.
This woman must be a kangaroo short in the top paddock or have an addiction to the grog and should be condemed for wanting to sell her three month old baby daughter to complete stranger for the lowly sum of two beers, she's not fit to be a mother, what a disgrace.

In response the male customer rang the police on his mobile phone and gave them her registration number, make and model of her petrol guzzling 4 wd. When the police did turn up she had fled. Armed with her address the police and welfare officials turned up at her place, arrested this errant woman and took her three month old baby daughter away.
How selfish this woman is considering couples around the world who are unable conceive because of infertility or other medical conditions. Would adoption be a better alternative in this case as a last resort?. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Tiny Tale: Strangers.

Riding down the main st of the almost deserted town in the middle of god knows where, two strangers Gavin and Colin pulled up out front of the Barbers shop, dismounted and tied there thirsty and tired horses to the hitching rail at the same time taking a gander up and down the dusty main st to get an idea of the quickest escape route out of town. Gavin entered the Barbers shop but when he pushed open the front door it set off a bell fixed alongside that alerts the Barber a customer has arrived. With Colin bringing up the rear Gavin drew his revolver and jammed it into the obese belly of the Barber while Colin tied his hands behind his back and covered his mouth with a dirty old piece of rag then dumped him out the back in a locked store room.

While locking him up the door bell chimed alerting Gavin and Colin that a customer had turned up for a dad and dave. Sprinting to the front of the shop Gavin grabbed the cut throat razor out of it's glass container and pressed it against the customers throat demanding cash and valuables but he refused so Gavin slid the cut throat razor across the frightened customers throat from ear to ear. Falling to the floor blood oozing from the fatal wound Gavin and Colin searched through his pockets only finding a small amount of change then dumped him out the back with the Barber.

As before the door bell chimed again so Gavin and Colin ran back to the front of the shop and were surpried to see a customer already sitting in the chair ready for a dad and dave. Colin went outside and sat down on the wooden seat with his back to the large dust covered window.

Unbeknown to Gavin and Colin the customer sitting in the chair is the towns Sheriff with his revolver drawn underneath the protective sheet covering him. Gavin again grabbed the cut throat razor and pressed against the Sheriffs throat demanding he hand over cash and valuables but instead was plugged in the shoulder then the Sheriff swivelled around in the chair and plugged Colin in the shoulder through the dust covered window.

After the gunsmoke had cleared and being built like a brick outhouse the Sheriff easliy lifted Gavin and Colin onto his shoulders, strolled across to the jailhouse and locked 'em behind bars ending there reign of terror once and for all. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Dope Attack.

A drug dealer answered a knock at the front door of his unit and was attacked by two masked men. After a few minutes he recovered and rang the police to report a violent home invasion. When police arrived to investigate they found $10,000 worth of illegal drugs stashed in the unit. You'd have to be sampling your own product to do something so stupid to ring the police and not get rid of the evidence.

Making matters worse the police found $9,000 in cash, 10 kgs of cannabis, 100 esctasy tablets and a money counting machine. This violent home invasion was set up by someone who's been ripped off like a customer or supplier. He should have though it through before calling the police. It's his own stupid fault he got caught and ended up in jail, what a dopey scumbag. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.