Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Cliff, Medication and Both Ends.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do two elephants sound like when they jump off A Cliff and hit the ground below?.
A: Boom, boom!!.

Q: What kind of Medication do ants need?.
A: Anti-biotics!.

Peter and Colin are travelling home together on a crowded bus when Peter asks, which end of the bus can i safely alight from?.
It doesn't really matter Both Ends stop at the same time, replies Colin.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 073: Crying.

The sky is Crying.
The tears gush down the mountain.
Into arctic mere.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Steamed Dim Sims.

Its lunchtime and Senior Constable Lucy Lavender who's been stationed at the Contention Police Station for the last two years locks her office door, wanders via the noisy and crowded reception area, out the front door onto the wet footpath and meanders toward the Contention Fish 'n' Chip shop and orders three Steamed Dim Sims for lunch.

Firmly grasping the brown paper bag with two Steamed Dim Sims in one hand while munching on a third with the other Lucy makes a bee-line for the police station at a brisk pace hoping not to get caught in the rain as dark clouds start rolling in. Up ahead she spots her little brother Larry Lavender walking towards her and they meet at the entrance to the police station.

After giving each other a hug and a couple of air kisses Lucy says, fancy meeting you here where are you off to?.
I'm trying to work out what to have for lunch, what are you having?, asks Larry.
Steamed Dim Sims.
Yummy, tell ya what, if i can guess how many you have left can i have one?.
Go on take a wild guess and if you guess correctly you can have both of 'em.

Eyeing off the brown paper bag for what seemed an eternity Larry finally says, with a big smile on his freckled face, my guess is there are four left, did i guess correctly?.
No, like i said before you can have both of 'em if you guessed correctly but you didn't, opening the brown paper bag and showing Larry the two Steamed Dim Sims. Shaking her head Lucy mounts the steps leading into the police station and disappears into the bowls of the dingy cavernous police station.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 072: Mansions.

Sprawling fields of grass.
Tumbledown stately Mansions.
Girdled by forests.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Rare, Antique and Empty Handed.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is a Rare hare?.
A: A queer rabbit!.

Q: What do ya call a 100 year old ant?.
A: An Antique!.

Are you coming to my birthday party next saturday?, asks Luke.
Yes, give me your address, replies Matthew.
Its 36 Russell St, when you turn up ring the door bell with your elbow.
Why my elbow?.
Because you won't be Empty Handed will ya!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 071: Galaxies.

Ride a bolting star.
Through Galaxies of cosmic death.
To zions pale garden.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Gone Walkabout.

Sitting comfortable in the garage on a brown leather chair which has seen better days and next to his speed boat, Lucas is reading the local rag and comes across a full page ad which reads in bold print For Sale The Contention Firewood Supply. Further down the page in small print it reads the sale includes buildings and contents, two 4wd utes, a bobcat and tip truck various axes, sledghammers, splitters, hand saws, chainsaws price on application contact Contention Real Estate for more details.

What do ya say about going into the Firewood Supply Business?, asks Lucas.
Spread out on a brown leather couch in the corner and looking dazed and confused after last nights bender Josh says, Yeah i'll give it a go its gotta be better than lying around here all day going nuts, we can use our redundacy payout as a deposit then apply for a business loan through the Contention Community Bank  to cover the shortfall. Sounds like a plan to me i'll give the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell in the morning and find out the asking price.

Next morning after giving the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell Lucas says, the asking price is $25,000, walking into the garage and plonking himself on the brown leather chair, we only have $7,000 between us so that leaves us $18,000 to borrow.

After jumping through many hoops as ya do to have a loan granted, one week later the loan is approved and the following day Lucas and Josh are handed the keys to their new business venture.
I never thought in my wildest dream that you and me would go into business together, says Lucas.
Me either, so now we have to make a go of it so no whinging, moaning or slacking off when the going gets tough, replies Josh.
I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7.30 am then we'll see who'll be whinging, moaning or slacking off.

On the first day of business Lucas and Josh cut and chop small redgum logs into three piles of firewood then Josh jumps onto the bobcat fires it up and scoops one pile into the tip truck ready for delivery after lunch. Lunchtime is finished and everything is washed up and put away, Lucas and Josh both jump into the tip truck and take off to make their first delivery on the other side of town.

Returning to the yard an hour later they discover one pile of firewood has Gone Walkabout.
I don't believe this when we left there were two piles of firewood now there's only one, says Lucas.
What should we do about it call the police?, asks Josh reaching for his mobile phone.
No wait, i've an idea that will catch the thief.
OK then. 

Next morning Lucas says to Josh we'll only prepare two piles of firewood today.
Why only two piles?, asks Josh
I want to be certain the lowlife thief pinches this pile today because i'll prepare a nasty surprise for him, says Lucas.
What would that be?.
Never mind that jump into one of the utes, because its your shout to buy lunch today.
While Josh is out buying lunch Lucas rigs the firewood with his nasty surprise. After making their first delivery of the day and returning to the yard they discover the other pile has Gone Walkabout to.
Do we ring the police this time?, asks Josh mobile phone at the ready.
No we wait and see what happens tonight, says Lucas.

Around 6.00pm a loud explosion echoes through the town which the town folk find out via the grapevine that it came from the Contention Pizza Shop. When Lucas turns up a small crowd has gathered to watch the action.
People are saying the wood fired oven blew up while the cook was preparing the oven for tonights customers, says Josh.
Now you you know who's been pinching our firewood, says Lucas.
What did you do?, asks Josh.
I stuffed two pieces of hollow firewood with two shotgun cartridges in each piece and waited for the big bang.

Came across this story in the newspaper which actually happened, the real parts are the piles of firewood being pinched and the shotgun cartridges were stuffed into hollow pieces of firewood. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. When you come to think about it , it really is irresponsible, stupid, dangerous and reckless act. If it was me i'd hide myself somewhere in the yard, camera at the ready and wait for the lowlife thief to turn up then snap away and turn the photos over to the police, its much safer that way. What would you have done in a situation like this?.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.          

Fair Dinkum Haiku 070: Helicopters.

In outback desert.
Fluttering Helicopters.
Herd mobs of sheep.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.