Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Knock Knock, An Antique and A Ultimatium.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?.
Bridie.
Bridie who.
Bridie the light of the silvery moon!.

Q: When do you know your getting old?.
A: When people bid on you at an Antique auction!.

Mick Maloney says, i was given a Ultimatium by my wife last night while i was packing my fishing gear into the ute.
What did she say?, asks Paddy Pickles.
Its me or your fishing.
Which did you choose?.
Fishing of course, gee i miss her not!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 077: Kiss.

Meek waves Kiss sheer cliffs.
Wears away the rocky shore.
Ebbs into the sea.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Upside Down.

After finishing a counter lunch of steak, chips and salad followed by a few beers at the Contention Hotel, Grandpa Grey who's 90 not out, staggers out the front door and is blinded by the hot blazing and almost loses his balance on the steps. With his hand sheilding his eyes Grandpa finnally steps onto the footpath, to make matters worse he is well nigh cleaned up by twin brother and sister Graham and Gemma Green riding their brand new mountain bikes along the footpath at break neck speed.
Why don't you two young whipper snappers be more careful i almost filled my boxer shorts, screams Grandpa at the top of his lungs while shaking his fist at them. Unbeknown to Grandpa who can't see past his nose without his glasses on, Graham Green turns around pokes his tongue out along with a one finger salute.

Now a wee bit confused Grandpa has forgotten the errand he was on and scours the top pockets of his blue flannel check shirt in the hope of finding his to do list, instead he comes across two letters that need posting to Australia but have no postage stamps stuck on them. Grandpa now realises that the Contention Post Office is his next port of call and takes off at a very brisk pace along the footpath to the post office on the corner, storms up the disabled ramp through the automatic doors and collides headlong into the last customer in the queue which is ten deep inside the post office.
Oh! no, i'll be here for hours mumbles Grandpa to himself.

What seemed to be hours which was actually only 20 minutes Grandpa is finally at the head of the queue waiting to be served.
Next please, grumbles Penny Postmistress.
Grandpa ambles over to the crowded counter and says, I need two stamps so i post these letters and would you be so kind as to stick them on for me i'm a bit short sighted and i've forgotten my glasses.
No problem i can do that for you, hang on a minute do you realise you've written the adressess Upside Down.
Yes i do, because they're going to Australia, you know the land down under.
Gobsmacked Penny sticks the postage stamps on the letters and says, the post box is out the front at the end of the disabled ramp you can post them on your way out.

Mumbling again to himself Grandpa strides through the automatic doors, eyes the post box recessed in the wall and pops 'em through the slot, strides down the disabled ramp and is once again well nigh cleaned up by twin brother and sister Graham and Gemma Green riding their brand new mountain bikes full tilt along the footpath in the opposite direction.
Grandpa once again mumbles to himself, i'm convinced those two young whipper snappers are stalking me then wanders off toward home.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 076: Yesterday.

Clock ticks past midnight.
Yesterday is history.
Today is brand new.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Garment, A Knock, Knock and A Seahorse.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is a duffle coat?.
A: A Garment a boy wears when his mum is cold!.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Answer.
Answer who?.
Answer are all over your car!.

Two best cobbers Tom and Nick who are 10 year old are playing video games in the rumpus room when out of the blue Tom says, i'm going down to the pet shop tomorrow and buy A Seahorse.
What do ya want A Seahorse for?, asks Nick.
So i can play water polo!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke. 

Fair Dinkum Haiku 075: Skeletons.

Spirits in my head.
Haunt my brain with ghoulish thoughts.
Skeletons emerge.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Item In Question.

Zig zagging along the footpath on this bitterly cold morning and shaking from head to toe like a leaf in a strong wind is Grandma Redhead who's husband passed away recently from a heart attack. Finally reaching her intended destination she climbs up the steps, enters the Contention Adult Shop which sells a vast array of adult entertainment of the intimate variety. She wobbles up to the front counter crammed to overflowing with various items only to discover no one is around, then notices a round brass bell residing on the counter, taps it gently in the hope someone will turn up to help her.

Behind a large black curtain on the otherside of the counter is Nancy Nutmeg the shop owner who shouts, just a minute i'm on the phone with a customer.
Ooookkkk! replies Grandma. While waiting she decides to have a sticky beak around the shop, gawping at various items on display which are not her cup of tea. Finally ending her phone call Nancy draws the large black curtain aside to reveal she is scantly clad in a very low cut, figure hugging red leather outfit which leaves nothing to the imagination at all and asks, how can i help you today love?.

Yyyyooounnnggg lllladdddy ddddoooo yyyyooouuuu sssseeeellll vvvvibbbrattttorssss?, asks Grandma.

Yes i do love, says Nancy with a cheeky smile on her face.

Bbbbigggg ffffluoressssentttt ggggreeeennnn oooonessss?.

I have in stock all different shapes, colours and sizes love.

Aaaabbbboooutttt ttttweeeellllveeee iiiinchhhhesss lllloooongggg?.

I certainly do love.

Tttthhhatttt ttttakkkessss ttttwoooo dddd ceeeellll bbbbatttteriessss?.

Yes i do love.

Wwwwelll tttthennnn ccccannnn yyyyouuuu ttttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo tttturrrrnnnn ttttheeee bbbblasssstedddd tttthingggg ooooffff?.

I can do that for you love where is the Item In Question?.
Grandma places her large black shoulder bag on the counter, removes the Item In Question, hands it to Nancy who then turns it off. Hands up those who thought the Item In Question was some place else.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.  
 

Fair Dinkum Haiku 074: Lustre.

Rich full moon ascends.
At the rear of motile clouds.
Opaque Lustre.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.