Fair Dinkum Haiku 043: Cavern.

Oval shape Cavern.
Vaulted antechamber of gushing water.
Damp stalactite covered ceiling.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Fake And A Fraud.

A spanish bloke received a photo of his lovely wife with her wrists and ankles tied to a steel framed plastic chair with a text message on his mobile phone demanding one hundred thousand dollars ransom for her safe return and a warning not to involve the police in anyway otherwise his lovely wife would be terminated and her corpse buried in a shallow grave off the beaten track.

A few hours past by after he contacted the police when a police patrol car spotted the kidnap victums white BMW convertible with red leather bucket seats and trim being driven in the opposite direction by a sheila. Making a u-turn and giving chase the police patrol car followed her into the extremely expensive but popular shopping mall carpark in the tourist town of Gandia on the spanish mediterrean coast.


When the white BMW convertible finally came to standstill the police pounced only to discover the sheila sitting behind the steering wheel was none other than the kidnap victim herself and promptly arrested her for faking her own kidnapping and taken to the police station for questioning. At first the sheila told police she had been released by her kidnappers that morning. Under intense pressure the sheila confessed the kidnapping was A Fake And A Fraud conjured up by her because she wanted to know what her husband would be willing to sacrifice for her and their marriage after 30 years.

Another dumb crime that actually happen, all the people and places are real. Bad luck played a roll, because the wife got caught and confessed to faking her own kidnapping when she could have kept quiet and would have got away with it and no-one would have been the wiser. Instead she has to pay a servere penalty for her dumb crime all in the name of love or was there something more sinister at play here. Would you go to this extreme?.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.    

Fair Dinkum Haiku 042: Zombie.

Hiding from laughter.
Zombie dreams dance in my brain.
Demon misery.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me again on Saturday for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Powder Puff, Cake And A Bee.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

The bunny has a shiny nose.
But this she cannot mend.
Because her tiny Powder Puff.
Is at the other end.

Q: Why was Ruby Redhead standing on her head at a childrens birthday party?.
A: Because they were having upside down cake!.

Q: What is a fumble Bee?.
A: A Bee that drops stuff!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 041: Breakwater.

In Breakwater lights.
Rippling surface water.
Through hazy raw sleet.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Vigorous Nookie Drive.

Peter Patient is consulting with Doctor Derek and says, my wife Paula Patient has a Vigorous Nookie Drive, in fact its wearing me out, sometimes i'm on the verge of exhaustion and fear i'll have a heart attack, what can i do?.
Doctor Derek replies, bring your wife Paula Patient into the surgery next week for a complete check up, arrange an appointment with my horny receptionist on your way out.

Next week arrives and Paula Patient is escorted by a nurse into the examination room and asked to disrobe. Meanwhile Peter Patient attempts to make himself comfy in the crowded waiting room next door. Finally after about an hour Doctor Derek enters the examination and is overcome by Paula's gorgeous hour glass figure and overpowering charm and Paula starts to seduce him which he tries to resist and says, its no good, i can't resist your overpowering charm any longer and starts to disrobe, flinging his clothes in all directions, leaps up on top of Paula and launches into the horizontal tango on the examination table.

After sometime passes by sitting in the crowded waiting room Peter hears moaning and groaning of nookie pleasure coming from the examination room, vacates his uncomfortable chair, struts over to the door, bursts through to see what's going on and hollers, what's going on in here?.
A horrifyied Doctor Derek still on top of Paula Patient says, i'm er........ taking her temparture. From his shoulder holster Peter seizes his pistol, levels it at them and shrieks, when you withdraw your willy it better have a thermometer tattooed on it or its curtains for both of you!.  

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 040: Tears.

Hot Tears of the sun.
Roll around in time and space.
Across galaxies.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me again on Saturday for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Horoscopes, Giving Birth and a Couple of Pets.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do women and Horoscopes have in common?.
A: They always tell ya what to do and they are usually wrong!!.

Q: What's meaner, bigger, uglier and more terrifying than an alien?.               
A: Its mother Giving Birth!.

Ruby has A Couple of Pets.
A beaver and a bear.
Everyones seen her beaver.
But no-ones ever seen her bare!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 039: Wreckage.

Past Wreckage haunting.
Visions refuse to leave me.
Sinister dark dreams.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Colossal Cheer.

Roger led his rowdy rabble.
Across the Simpson Desert.
While traveling across that desert.
Tired and thirsty they did become.
Roger thumped his mighty spectre.
Upon a sandstone rock.
Instead of gushing water.
There rose a Colossal Cheer.
For it was fosters lager beer.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 038: Madness.

In spectre darkness.
Hands of madness cold as steel.
They send me insane.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me again on Saturday for another Fair Dinkum Haiku see ya then**.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Ugly, Call of Nature and Toenails.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Paula Patient says, Doctor, Doctor, i think i'm so ugly, what can i do about it?.
Doctor Derek replies, hire yourself out for halloween parties!.

Dennis the Dog is belting along a bush track when he decides to answer the Call Of Nature and pauses at the nearest gum tree, cocks his leg and props it against the tree, when out of the sky swoops Chloe the Cockatoo and touches down beside him and says, I've often wondered why you dogs prop your leg against the tree while doing your business.
Dennis replies, in case the tree falls!.

Wee drops of water.
Erode away a rock.
Wee bits of Toenail.
Fade away a sock.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 037: Dust.

Crestfallen by time.
Dead heart once shone golden bright.
Exits into Dust.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Wild Bush Pigs.

Best cobbers Peter Purple and Larry Lime are out in the Aussie bush hunting Wild Bush Pigs. Secretly Peter wishes Larry was dead because he owes him $100,000 he lent as a deposit on a house and land package located in a popular small town. After repeated requests to pay back the $100.000 Larry always dodges the subject.

Meanwhile Peter and Larry are stalking their way slowly along a well worn path through the dense Aussie bush with rifles poised and at the same time battling annoying biting insects, looking and listening for Wild Bush Pigs in the undergrowth.

A short way down the path they come to a steep incline and both sprint to the top when all of a sudden Larry collapses to the ground clutching his chest, gasping for air then his skin turns pale as a ghost, lips blue and eyes glaze over.

With lightning speed Peter reaches into the top pocket of his hunting vest plucks out his mobile phone and speed dials triple zero. What seems an eternity the call is finally answered, terror stricken Peter says, I think my best cobber just died, what can i do?.
Olivia the consultant replies, first of all you need to calm down so we can establish whether your best cobber has actually past away.
The silence is deafening on Peter's end of the line until a ear shattering gunshot is heard then a smug Peter says, i'm pretty sure he's past away, now what?.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for Fair Dinkum Haiku see ya then**.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 036: Soul

Destined for heaven.
Lightning strikes asending Soul.
Rowdy thunder cracks.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me again on Saturday for another Fair Dinkum Haiku**.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Circus, Arguing and Emails.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do some people compare a marriage to a three ring Circus?.
A: First you have the engagement ring, next comes the wedding ring then comes the suffering!.

Darren and Steven are Arguing which footy team is the most skilful Essendon or Melbourne.
After a couple of hours Darren has finally had enough and screeches at the top of his lungs at Steven, well you're so ugly!.
Steven bursts out laughing because he and Darren are 12 year old identical twins.

Q: What do werewolves sign at the bottom of their Emails?.
A: Beast wishes.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 035: Redemption.

Nothing carved in stone.
For the wicked to absolve.
Like no Redemption.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Twinkling Stars.

They strolled side by side down the lane.
The night was shrouded in Twinkling Stars.
They came to a portal in peace.
For her he unlocked that portal.
She did not thank him.
For she knew not how.
He was just a farmers lad.
She a chestnut jersy cow.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.