Thursday, March 08, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0101: Alone.
Out my drab window.
I spied you wandering Alone.
Coming down the track.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Squirrels, Bloomers and Escape.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do ya stop Squirrels from playing soccer in the backyard?.
A: Hide the ball it'll drive 'em nuts!.
Q: What is an outdoor girl?.
A: One with the bloom of youth in her cheeks and the cheek of youth in her Bloomers!.
On Burt Blondes wedding day there were doubts about the wedding going ahead. In the church George Green the father of the bride asks Percy Priest.
Why have all the aisles been roped off?.
So the groom can't escape!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do ya stop Squirrels from playing soccer in the backyard?.
A: Hide the ball it'll drive 'em nuts!.
Q: What is an outdoor girl?.
A: One with the bloom of youth in her cheeks and the cheek of youth in her Bloomers!.
On Burt Blondes wedding day there were doubts about the wedding going ahead. In the church George Green the father of the bride asks Percy Priest.
Why have all the aisles been roped off?.
So the groom can't escape!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Old Homeless Woman Pt 2.
Its close to the witching hour two days later and Lucas followed by Josh are treking through the Contention National Park Forest on their way to Mt Contention to liberate the kangaroo flagon concealed in a hidden cave.
Both are wearing miners helmets with in-built torches, carrying club hammers and a large machete to hack their way through the dense forest. Reaching the cave entrance which is a small hole in the ground only big enough for one person to squeeze through at a time. Its actually a small tunnel leading to the huge cave system.
I'll go first, you pass me the club hammers, says Lucas.
Okay, don't get stuck will ya, replies Josh with a big smile on his dial.
I'll try not to smarty pants.
Lucas crawls feet first through the entrance until his head and arms poke out and says, pass me the club hammers.
I don't think we'll need the machete anymore so i'll prop it up against this rock.
Lucas nods and starts inching his way through the dark dusty tunnel until he reaches a ledge, drops a short distance to the huge cavern floor. A few seconds later Josh drops head first off the ledge kissing the huge cavern floor with his face knocking off his miners helmet.
Josh picks himself up, dusts himself off grabs his miners helmet and parks it back on his head. Gazing around they spot the third tunnel, swagger over, scramble up onto another ledge, stroll to where the wall is blocking the hidden cave.
What time is it?, asks Josh.
One minute before the witching hour and counting, replies Lucas.
With club hammers at the ready Lucas starts the count down 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, now. Both of 'em viciously swing their club hammers striking the wall which crumbles into grains of sand engulfing them up to their knees.
When the dust finally settles they enter the cave brushing aside spider webs sending hairy legged spiders scurrying for cover. Spotting the wall niche at the other end of the cave Lucas wanders over and starts seeking out the kangaroo flagon which sits in between two other flagons.
Here it is, says Lucas grasping the flagon by its handle removing it from the wall niche.
Taking a gander, Josh says we still don't know what it contains, how about we smash it open and take a peek, we can always say we dropped it accidently and it broke.
Ok, give it a whirl, placing the kangaroo flagon on the floor where Josh kneels down, raises his club hammer above his head then brings it down in a long arc striking the kangaroo flagon, which repels the blow flinging the club hammer out of Joshs hand and sailing across the cave.
Crikey!, this flagon must be cursed.
Ok, lets scarper out of here and not a word to Anya Angel alright.
You don't have to convince me picking up his club hammer from the other side of the cave.
A few minutes later Lucas and Josh emerge from the small hole in the ground into moon light where Josh snaffles up the machete then they proceed through the dense forest to where their 4wd ute is parked between the edge of the dense forest and the fast flowing Contention River, jump in, take off down the road toward the rendezvous point with Anya Angel. To be continued...............
Join me next Saturday Afternoon for the conclusion of Old Homeless Woman, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Both are wearing miners helmets with in-built torches, carrying club hammers and a large machete to hack their way through the dense forest. Reaching the cave entrance which is a small hole in the ground only big enough for one person to squeeze through at a time. Its actually a small tunnel leading to the huge cave system.
I'll go first, you pass me the club hammers, says Lucas.
Okay, don't get stuck will ya, replies Josh with a big smile on his dial.
I'll try not to smarty pants.
Lucas crawls feet first through the entrance until his head and arms poke out and says, pass me the club hammers.
I don't think we'll need the machete anymore so i'll prop it up against this rock.
Lucas nods and starts inching his way through the dark dusty tunnel until he reaches a ledge, drops a short distance to the huge cavern floor. A few seconds later Josh drops head first off the ledge kissing the huge cavern floor with his face knocking off his miners helmet.
Josh picks himself up, dusts himself off grabs his miners helmet and parks it back on his head. Gazing around they spot the third tunnel, swagger over, scramble up onto another ledge, stroll to where the wall is blocking the hidden cave.
What time is it?, asks Josh.
One minute before the witching hour and counting, replies Lucas.
With club hammers at the ready Lucas starts the count down 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, now. Both of 'em viciously swing their club hammers striking the wall which crumbles into grains of sand engulfing them up to their knees.
When the dust finally settles they enter the cave brushing aside spider webs sending hairy legged spiders scurrying for cover. Spotting the wall niche at the other end of the cave Lucas wanders over and starts seeking out the kangaroo flagon which sits in between two other flagons.
Here it is, says Lucas grasping the flagon by its handle removing it from the wall niche.
Taking a gander, Josh says we still don't know what it contains, how about we smash it open and take a peek, we can always say we dropped it accidently and it broke.
Ok, give it a whirl, placing the kangaroo flagon on the floor where Josh kneels down, raises his club hammer above his head then brings it down in a long arc striking the kangaroo flagon, which repels the blow flinging the club hammer out of Joshs hand and sailing across the cave.
Crikey!, this flagon must be cursed.
Ok, lets scarper out of here and not a word to Anya Angel alright.
You don't have to convince me picking up his club hammer from the other side of the cave.
A few minutes later Lucas and Josh emerge from the small hole in the ground into moon light where Josh snaffles up the machete then they proceed through the dense forest to where their 4wd ute is parked between the edge of the dense forest and the fast flowing Contention River, jump in, take off down the road toward the rendezvous point with Anya Angel. To be continued...............
Join me next Saturday Afternoon for the conclusion of Old Homeless Woman, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0100: Crucifixion.
On skeletal cross.
Akin to Crucifixion.
Ugly scarecrows twitch.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Seatbelts, Jar Of Jam and Riddle Me This.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What's the first thing ghosts do when they hop into their cars?.
A: They boo.......kle up their Seatbelts!.
Q: Why did the child dance on the Jar Of Jam?.
A: Because the lid said twist to open!.
Riddle Me This.
What can run, but never walks.
Has a mouth, but never talks.
Has a head, but never weeps.
Has a bed, but never sleeps.
Scroll down for a clue.
Nearly there.
The Clue: One of my Blogging Cobbers goes by this.
Leave your answer in comments and i'll post the answer in comments Thursday morning.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(C) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What's the first thing ghosts do when they hop into their cars?.
A: They boo.......kle up their Seatbelts!.
Q: Why did the child dance on the Jar Of Jam?.
A: Because the lid said twist to open!.
Riddle Me This.
What can run, but never walks.
Has a mouth, but never talks.
Has a head, but never weeps.
Has a bed, but never sleeps.
Scroll down for a clue.
Nearly there.
The Clue: One of my Blogging Cobbers goes by this.
Leave your answer in comments and i'll post the answer in comments Thursday morning.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(C) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Old Homeless Woman Pt 1.
Trudging along the short driveway of the Contention Firewood Supply is Anya Angel an Old Homeless Woman whose urging a supermarket trolley chock-a- block with all her worldly possessions. Dressed in tattered shirt 'n' skirt and naked underneath, runners with her toes poking out the many holes, full length oversized dirty white fur coat that drags on the ground, a straw hat, fingerless black woollen gloves, grubby face that only a mother could love, unwashed tangled and matted dark shoulder length hair that hasn't seen shampoo for many a moon.
Coming up to the main office Anya parks her supermarket trolley beside a flight of stairs which she climbs, opens the front door setting off a loud buzzer that alerts Lucas Lavender and Josh Juniper who are in the kitchen eating breakfast.
Lucas wanders into the main office and asks, how can i help you today lady?.
Are you Lucas Lavender?, replies Anya.
Yes i am and you are?.
My name is Anya Angel, is your business partner Josh Juniper?.
Standing in the doorway is Josh who says, that would be me.
What's this all about lady?, asks Lucas.
I have proposition that will benefit all three of us.
We're listening.
I believe you two know the network of caves and tunnels in the Contention National Park Mountains like the back of your hands.
When we were little tackers we explored every inch of those caves and tunnels and know every cave and tunnel there is.
I bet you don't know about the hidden cave at the end of the third tunnel on your left from the cave entrance.
That's always been a deadend.
What's hidden in the cave?, asks Josh.
There's a wall niche at the back of the cave that contains three pottery flagons which have their spouts sealed with wax. The one i'm interested in has the image of a red kangaroo, can you and Lucas liberate the kangaroo flagon for me, you'll be well compensated for your trouble.
The silence is deafening until Lucas asks, what's in it for us?
I'm offering to pay you and Josh $50.000 to liberate my kangaroo flagon, $25.000 now, $25.000 on delivery, do we have a deal?.
Show us the colour of your money.
Anya reaches inside her dirty white fur coat and pulls out a large brown envelope and says, this is the first payment of $25.000, she drops it on the wooden counter in front of Lucas, who scoops it up, thumbs through its contents as Josh walks up behind him and peers over his shoulder and says, lady you've got a deal.
Now we've gotta work out whether to dig or blast our way into the cave, says Lucas.
Neither of those options will be necassary, replies Anya, just be in the tunnel at the witching hour in two days time and you'll be able to smash your way through with a couple of club hammers, liberate my kangaroo flagon, deliver it to me on the old bridge spanning the Contention River where you'll receive your final payment of $25.000. Anya then walks out of the office, grabs her supermarket trolley and disappears into the hazy distance. To Be Continued..........
Join me next Saturday Afternoon for Pt 2 of Old Homeless Woman, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Coming up to the main office Anya parks her supermarket trolley beside a flight of stairs which she climbs, opens the front door setting off a loud buzzer that alerts Lucas Lavender and Josh Juniper who are in the kitchen eating breakfast.
Lucas wanders into the main office and asks, how can i help you today lady?.
Are you Lucas Lavender?, replies Anya.
Yes i am and you are?.
My name is Anya Angel, is your business partner Josh Juniper?.
Standing in the doorway is Josh who says, that would be me.
What's this all about lady?, asks Lucas.
I have proposition that will benefit all three of us.
We're listening.
I believe you two know the network of caves and tunnels in the Contention National Park Mountains like the back of your hands.
When we were little tackers we explored every inch of those caves and tunnels and know every cave and tunnel there is.
I bet you don't know about the hidden cave at the end of the third tunnel on your left from the cave entrance.
That's always been a deadend.
What's hidden in the cave?, asks Josh.
There's a wall niche at the back of the cave that contains three pottery flagons which have their spouts sealed with wax. The one i'm interested in has the image of a red kangaroo, can you and Lucas liberate the kangaroo flagon for me, you'll be well compensated for your trouble.
The silence is deafening until Lucas asks, what's in it for us?
I'm offering to pay you and Josh $50.000 to liberate my kangaroo flagon, $25.000 now, $25.000 on delivery, do we have a deal?.
Show us the colour of your money.
Anya reaches inside her dirty white fur coat and pulls out a large brown envelope and says, this is the first payment of $25.000, she drops it on the wooden counter in front of Lucas, who scoops it up, thumbs through its contents as Josh walks up behind him and peers over his shoulder and says, lady you've got a deal.
Now we've gotta work out whether to dig or blast our way into the cave, says Lucas.
Neither of those options will be necassary, replies Anya, just be in the tunnel at the witching hour in two days time and you'll be able to smash your way through with a couple of club hammers, liberate my kangaroo flagon, deliver it to me on the old bridge spanning the Contention River where you'll receive your final payment of $25.000. Anya then walks out of the office, grabs her supermarket trolley and disappears into the hazy distance. To Be Continued..........
Join me next Saturday Afternoon for Pt 2 of Old Homeless Woman, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 099: Regal.
Beyond Regal clouds.
Snowcapped pinnacles advance.
Toward the heavens.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Firemen, Walking and Open And Close.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why do Firemen have larger knackers than policemen?.
A: Because they sell more raffle tickets!.
Standing under the front veranda at Rusty Redheads house is Lucas Lavender and Rusty who are each holding a mug of hot chocolate watching the heavy rain tumble down when Lucas says, Did you know Grandpa Lavender started Walking five kilometres a day when he turned ninety?.
That's a top effort, replies Rusty.
Trouble is Grandpa hasn't come back and we don't know where on earth he's got to!.
Q: Which profession can get away with telling a woman to Open And Close her mouth?.
A: The Dentist!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why do Firemen have larger knackers than policemen?.
A: Because they sell more raffle tickets!.
Standing under the front veranda at Rusty Redheads house is Lucas Lavender and Rusty who are each holding a mug of hot chocolate watching the heavy rain tumble down when Lucas says, Did you know Grandpa Lavender started Walking five kilometres a day when he turned ninety?.
That's a top effort, replies Rusty.
Trouble is Grandpa hasn't come back and we don't know where on earth he's got to!.
Q: Which profession can get away with telling a woman to Open And Close her mouth?.
A: The Dentist!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
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