Fair Dinkum Haiku 0111: Depraved.

With my loveless heart.
Scared and alone in the dark.
I've Depraved myself.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Legs, Custard and A Parking Space.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is a sentrypede?.
A: A security guard with a hundred Legs!.

How disgusting there's a fly in my Custard, screams Deanna Diner.
I'll fetch him a spoon, replies Wilbur Waiter.

Jade Juniper is running late for the Contention Country Womens Association monthly meeting and is having no luck locating A Parking Space.

Looking toward the heavens Jade cries out asking the lord to locate her A Parking Space and says, I promise cross my heart that i'll attend mass every sunday and never ever sin again for the rest of my life.

Then lo and behold A Parking Space turns up out of no where. 
Never mind lord cancel that, i've found A Parking Space!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.  

A Bonza Jest: White Collar Crime.

Everyone is seated in court room 13 in the Contention Court House waiting for the jury to return and deliver its verdict in the case against Daniel Dandelion whose a stockbroker and is on trial for fraud and insider trading.

After many hours of deliberation the jury have finally reached a verdict and are now rolling into court room 13 and have been seated in the jury box.

Judge Judith Juniper asks, How do you find the accused Daniel Dandelion on the charge of fraud?, guilty or not guilty?.

Rising from his seat is George Green the jury foreperson and replies, we the jury find the accused Daniel Dandelion guilty as charged your worship.

How do you find the accused on the charge of insider trading?, guilty or not guilty?.
Guilty as charged your worship.

Would the prisoner please rise and do you have anything to say?.
No your worship.
Very well i sentence you to 5 years in gaol with a minimum of 3 years in the Contention Prison.
Five hours later Daniel arrives at the Contention Prison in a cramped prison van and is hustled through the usual checks, changes into prison garb, then escorted by a prison guard to his shared prison cell where he will spend the next 3 years of his life.

Nervous, Daniel is shoved into his shared prison cell by the prison guard who in turn slams the cell door shut with a loud clang.
Lying on one of the two beds with his hands behind his head is Ralph Rose. A scruffy looking fella covered in tatts with a mean scar face and balding head.

So what are you in for mate?, asks Daniel.
Just like you i'm in here for a White Collar Crime too, replies Ralph.
I'm in here for fraud and insider trading of which i'm innocent.
Yep, this place is full of innocent people.
What type of White Collar Crime are you convicted of?.
Nothing classy as you, i just tortured and bumped off two paedophile men of the cloth who molested and abused me when i was a little tacker for many, many years while in their care.
They got what they deserved is that what your saying?.
Absolutely spot on cobber.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.       

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0110: Hurst.

Potted fern forest.
Merges with banksia Hurst.
Clotted with spent cones.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Tails, War and A Light Bulb.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do dogs wag their Tails?.
A: Because no one else will do it for them!.

Q: How does a octopus go to War?.
A: Well armed!.

Q: How many members of a political party does it take to change A Light Bulb?.
A: A spokesperson said, we are not at liberty to comment on exact numbers at this time!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Enchanted Wonderland.

I'm a little bit weary.
Feeling kinda fuzzy
need to rest my
bloodshot, bleary eyes.
When i go into my
deep slumber
i dream of an
Enchanted Wonderland.

In my dream i'm
strolling along a
chocolate block path
surrounded by
licorice twist trees.
A carpet of fairy
floss lawn.
Bushes of swirling
rainbow lollipops
on a stick.
Giant pock-marked
gobstopper rocks.
Pint-sized pearly
stones spread
all around.

I raise my head
toward the skies
and spot to my
delight and bliss
a egg yoke sun
shining through
marshmallow clouds.
Hordes of chattering
purple baby dragons
gliding across
blueberry skies.
Hanging faintly
on the horizon a
tinged and elegant
banana moon
smiling at me.

At the end of the
chocolate block path
i gaze in wonder at
the gingerbread
house before me.
Up the cobbled jelly
bean path i stroll,
peek through the open
window and behold
gingerbread dwarves.
A fairy godmother with
delicate icing sugar wings.
A wizard grasping a
pretzel wand.
Children playing
games with glee
i think this a place
i wanna be for all
lifes eternity.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0109: Ocean.

Hypnotic swells reel.
Onto seductive sand dunes.
From stellar Ocean.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Two Fingers, Milk, And The Vegetable?.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: How does a bogan call his dog?.
A: He puts Two Fingers in his mouth and shouts here fella!.

Q: How did Burt Blonde injury himself drinking Milk?.
A: The cow fell on him!.

Its Dean and Deanna Diners 20th wedding anniversary and they are celebrating this milestone at the Contention Hotel with a quiet counter meal together when Deanna asks, what's on special today?.
There is chicken parmagiana or grilled whiting, replies Wilbur Waiter.
I'll have the chicken parmagiana.
And The Vegetable?.
Oh!, he'll have the grilled whiting!.

Until Next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.