Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: The Dentist, 28 Days, and Maths.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why did the mosquito go to The Dentist?.
A: To improve his bite!.
Tim Teacher asks his pupils, can anyone tell me which month has 28 Days?.
Patrick Pupil slowly raises his hand.
Yes Patrick what's your answer.
All of them!.
Q: What type of snake is superb at Maths?.
A: An adder!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Haggish Head.
Riding down the mountainside
came a lofty Knight
to liberate the common folk
from a flighty Hag.
Who reigned with fear
across the wind swept lands.
Once upon a distant time
the Knight and the Hag
were passionate lovers.
Scorned and heart broken
eyes wild with pain
the Knight did vow
to crush the Hags mighty reign.
Gazing into her crystal ball
she eyed the Knight draw near
riding full pelt
toward her seedy castle.
She sent demented demons
way up in the sky
to meet the Knight head on.
With magic sword raised high
the Knight did slay
all the demented demons
one by one
until there were none.
Through the castle gates
he did thunder
and scaled worn steps
that lead to the
Hags gloomy lair.
With a potent swipe
of his magic sword
he decapitated
her Haggish Head.
It flew across
the gloomy lair
ending once and
for all their
torrid love affair.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
came a lofty Knight
to liberate the common folk
from a flighty Hag.
Who reigned with fear
across the wind swept lands.
Once upon a distant time
the Knight and the Hag
were passionate lovers.
Scorned and heart broken
eyes wild with pain
the Knight did vow
to crush the Hags mighty reign.
Gazing into her crystal ball
she eyed the Knight draw near
riding full pelt
toward her seedy castle.
She sent demented demons
way up in the sky
to meet the Knight head on.
With magic sword raised high
the Knight did slay
all the demented demons
one by one
until there were none.
Through the castle gates
he did thunder
and scaled worn steps
that lead to the
Hags gloomy lair.
With a potent swipe
of his magic sword
he decapitated
her Haggish Head.
It flew across
the gloomy lair
ending once and
for all their
torrid love affair.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 095: Tabby.
Lets make love here.
Under the Tabby moon.
On this bed of grass.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Herdsmen, Jelly and Shoplifters.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why do celtic Herdsman wear tartan kilts?.
A: So the sheep don't hear the zip!.
Burt Blonde asks, Why do ya feed Daisy Dog bowls of Jelly?.
Rusty Redhead replies, I want to see if she'll poop Jelly beans!.
A sign in the window of the Contention Supermarket warns potential shoplifters of their fate should they be caught shoplifting.
Warning to shoplifters.
Anybody caught shoplifting.
Will be gagged and handcuffed to a chair.
Beaten to within an inch of their life.
Waterboarded.
Whipped with a cat-o-nine tails.
Any survivors will then be prosecuted to the full extent of
the law.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why do celtic Herdsman wear tartan kilts?.
A: So the sheep don't hear the zip!.
Burt Blonde asks, Why do ya feed Daisy Dog bowls of Jelly?.
Rusty Redhead replies, I want to see if she'll poop Jelly beans!.
A sign in the window of the Contention Supermarket warns potential shoplifters of their fate should they be caught shoplifting.
Warning to shoplifters.
Anybody caught shoplifting.
Will be gagged and handcuffed to a chair.
Beaten to within an inch of their life.
Waterboarded.
Whipped with a cat-o-nine tails.
Any survivors will then be prosecuted to the full extent of
the law.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 094: Rockpool.
Tiny Rockpool souls.
Clamber around sculpted stone.
Shot with shiny quartz.
A quick note: That was the final of my regular Saturday Fair Dinkum Haiku. For the reason why please read last Monday's post.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Large Sign In The Window.
Its been 12 months to the day since Betty Blondes tabby cat Chloe was run over by a fully loaded 18 wheel petrol tanker and squashed flat as a pancake into the concrete driveway of the Contention Petrol Station. All that remained were Chloes brown leather collar, shiny chrome bell, pink name tag and the Contention City Council metal registration disc which Betty buried a week later in a small white cardboard coffin in the Contention Pet Cemetery.
Next morning Betty decides to visit her beloved tabby cat Chloe and gives Ruby Redhead a bell on her mobile phone. After a few chirps Ruby eventually answers and says, G' Day Betty what's up?.
Do you realise its been 12 months since my tabby cat Chloe passed away.
No i didn't, my how time flies, replies Ruby.
What i'm asking can you come with me this afternoon to the Contention Pet Cemetery.
No can do, i'm about to leave for work, i know somebody else who will go with you.
Who would that be?.
I was speaking with Jade Juniper last night and she'll be at a loose end this afternoon, give her a tingle.
Ok i'll give Jade a tingle, She hangs up, speed dials Jade who answers on the first ring and says, G' day Betty this is a pleasant surprise what's up?.
Will ya come with me this afternoon to the Contention Pet Cemetery and visit my tabby cat Chloe who passed away 12 months ago?.
I'll be happy to we can buy a bunch of flowers to place on her grave from the Contention Flower Shop next door.
Good idea i'll catch the next bus and get off at the bus stop across the road from your place.
Bonza see ya shortly.
Half an hour later Jade is waiting at her front gate for Betty when a bus pulls up across the road, spews out a few passengers, takes off in a cloud of black diesel smoke leaving Betty standing at the bus stop waving at Jade who ambles across the road and greets Betty with an air kiss and hug.
Sorry i'm a bit late there was a three car pile-up down the road a tad, says Betty.
That's ok the Contention Pet Cemetery is just around the corner only a short walk away won't take us long, replies Jade.
Ok lets go.
Down the footpath, around the corner Betty and Jade stroll reaching their first port of call the Contention Flower shop. Betty grabs hold of the front door handle tries twisting it and opening the front door at the same time with no result.
That's a shame its closed, i wonder why, asks Betty.
There is a Large Sign In The Window, replies Jade pointing in the general direction.
Betty stands adjacent to the window and proceeds to read it.
What does it say?, asks Jade.
It says: Sorry folks!
we will be closed
at 12pm today.
Mary's mother fell off
her perch & we all
need to go plant her.
Regards, management
& staff.
Crikey the shop owners have a strange but comical attitude toward death, says Jade.
Ya not wrong, anyway lets move on and pay our respects to Chloe then head on home, replies Betty.
During my morning walk i came across the sign mentioned in a shop window but didn't have pen or paper with me at the time to jot it down. I went back the next morning hoping the sign was still in the window this time armed with pen and paper and this tale is the result of what flowed from my bizarre mind.
A quick note: That was the final of my regular Friday morning posts. Instead join me every Saturday afternoon starting "Saturday Week" for the usual mayhem that you come to expect from my regular Friday posts. For the reason why please read last Monday's post, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Next morning Betty decides to visit her beloved tabby cat Chloe and gives Ruby Redhead a bell on her mobile phone. After a few chirps Ruby eventually answers and says, G' Day Betty what's up?.
Do you realise its been 12 months since my tabby cat Chloe passed away.
No i didn't, my how time flies, replies Ruby.
What i'm asking can you come with me this afternoon to the Contention Pet Cemetery.
No can do, i'm about to leave for work, i know somebody else who will go with you.
Who would that be?.
I was speaking with Jade Juniper last night and she'll be at a loose end this afternoon, give her a tingle.
Ok i'll give Jade a tingle, She hangs up, speed dials Jade who answers on the first ring and says, G' day Betty this is a pleasant surprise what's up?.
Will ya come with me this afternoon to the Contention Pet Cemetery and visit my tabby cat Chloe who passed away 12 months ago?.
I'll be happy to we can buy a bunch of flowers to place on her grave from the Contention Flower Shop next door.
Good idea i'll catch the next bus and get off at the bus stop across the road from your place.
Bonza see ya shortly.
Half an hour later Jade is waiting at her front gate for Betty when a bus pulls up across the road, spews out a few passengers, takes off in a cloud of black diesel smoke leaving Betty standing at the bus stop waving at Jade who ambles across the road and greets Betty with an air kiss and hug.
Sorry i'm a bit late there was a three car pile-up down the road a tad, says Betty.
That's ok the Contention Pet Cemetery is just around the corner only a short walk away won't take us long, replies Jade.
Ok lets go.
Down the footpath, around the corner Betty and Jade stroll reaching their first port of call the Contention Flower shop. Betty grabs hold of the front door handle tries twisting it and opening the front door at the same time with no result.
That's a shame its closed, i wonder why, asks Betty.
There is a Large Sign In The Window, replies Jade pointing in the general direction.
Betty stands adjacent to the window and proceeds to read it.
What does it say?, asks Jade.
It says: Sorry folks!
we will be closed
at 12pm today.
Mary's mother fell off
her perch & we all
need to go plant her.
Regards, management
& staff.
Crikey the shop owners have a strange but comical attitude toward death, says Jade.
Ya not wrong, anyway lets move on and pay our respects to Chloe then head on home, replies Betty.
During my morning walk i came across the sign mentioned in a shop window but didn't have pen or paper with me at the time to jot it down. I went back the next morning hoping the sign was still in the window this time armed with pen and paper and this tale is the result of what flowed from my bizarre mind.
A quick note: That was the final of my regular Friday morning posts. Instead join me every Saturday afternoon starting "Saturday Week" for the usual mayhem that you come to expect from my regular Friday posts. For the reason why please read last Monday's post, until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 093: Whirl.
Standing in the shade.
Hands over each others heart.
We feel the love Whirl.
A quick note: Beginning next week Fair Dinkum Haiku is moving from Wednesday mornings to Thursday mornings. For the reason why please read last Mondays post.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Pig Meat, A Toilet Roll and Your Mother-In-Law.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Dean Diner is holding up a fork with a piece of Pig Meat on one end for inspection by Wilbur Waiter and says, Do you call this pig?.
Which end of the fork are you referring to?, replies Wilbur Waiter.
Q: How many men does it take to change A Toilet Roll?.
A: Nobody knows, its never happened before!.
Q: Is there any difference between a vulture and Your Mother-In-Law?.
A: Yes, the vulture waits until your dead!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
A quick note: I've noticed over the last few months that i've become quite addicted to Blogging, which has left me little or no time to follow other pursuits. Beginning next week Random Humour For Grown Ups is moving to a new home on Tuesday mornings until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Dean Diner is holding up a fork with a piece of Pig Meat on one end for inspection by Wilbur Waiter and says, Do you call this pig?.
Which end of the fork are you referring to?, replies Wilbur Waiter.
Q: How many men does it take to change A Toilet Roll?.
A: Nobody knows, its never happened before!.
Q: Is there any difference between a vulture and Your Mother-In-Law?.
A: Yes, the vulture waits until your dead!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
A quick note: I've noticed over the last few months that i've become quite addicted to Blogging, which has left me little or no time to follow other pursuits. Beginning next week Random Humour For Grown Ups is moving to a new home on Tuesday mornings until then keep smiling.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
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