Driving down the clogged street in his brand spanking new Lexus is Jack Juniper whose a very successful bank manager and is on his way to show off his pride and joy to his work colleagues.
Parking outside the Bank Of Contention Jacks opens the drivers side door and is collected by a fully loaded 10 tonne lorry which rips the door clean off sending it skittling along the street scape. Straight away Jack grabs his mobile phone and speed dials the emergency services.
Within minutes Senior Constable Lucy Lavender turns up in her unmarked police car. Before Lucy can ask Jack any questions, Jack starts to snivel and says, will ya look at my gorgeous brand spanking new Lexus i just picked today, its a write off, it'll never ever be the same again no matter what the panel beaters do to repair it.
Flabbergasted by Jacks outburst Lucy says, Crikey!, I can't believe how Obsessively Materialistic you people can be, your so focused on material possessions you fail to see the bigger picture.
What do you mean by that remark?.
Don't you realise your right arm has been severed below the elbow, must've been severed when that 10 tonne lorry collected you.
Stone the crows!, where's my $15,000 gold rolex watch gotten to?.
Blimey!, why were you wearing your gold rolex watch on your right arm instead of you left?.
So i could dangle my right arm out the window to show it off to everyone.
Yep!, that figures.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0108: Tundra.
Penguins vacillate.
Across the icy Tundra.
Seeking tasty snacks.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Knocker, Sniffs and A Knock, Knock.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why did the scientist install A Knocker on her door?.
A: So she could win the no-bell prize!.
Q: What is a bud hound?.
A: A breed of dog that Sniffs out new flowers!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?.
Aardvark a million miles for you!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: Why did the scientist install A Knocker on her door?.
A: So she could win the no-bell prize!.
Q: What is a bud hound?.
A: A breed of dog that Sniffs out new flowers!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?.
Aardvark a million miles for you!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Crestfallen.
On a dark and stormy night
the wind roared
the rain poured
thunder rumbled
lightning flashed.
Water dashed
passed a Crestfallen
middle aged man
who was soaked
to the skin, tired
and worn out.
His body tormented
his mind riddled with
nightmarish visions
of death and
destruction on
the desolate
battlefields of
a brutal Iraq.
In his anguish he
took refuge from
the stormy night
and his nightmarish
visions in a copious
drain pipe, where
he laid his head
down and slept
the sleep of
the dead.
It was in that
copious drain pipe
he was swamped
by torrents of
gushing water.
Its where he expired.
Verdict was he suicided.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
the wind roared
the rain poured
thunder rumbled
lightning flashed.
Water dashed
passed a Crestfallen
middle aged man
who was soaked
to the skin, tired
and worn out.
His body tormented
his mind riddled with
nightmarish visions
of death and
destruction on
the desolate
battlefields of
a brutal Iraq.
In his anguish he
took refuge from
the stormy night
and his nightmarish
visions in a copious
drain pipe, where
he laid his head
down and slept
the sleep of
the dead.
It was in that
copious drain pipe
he was swamped
by torrents of
gushing water.
Its where he expired.
Verdict was he suicided.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0107: Realm.
Oppressive salt air.
Cobalt aqua to the Realm.
Hypnotic waves purl.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: The Constitution, Drooling and Night After Night.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Did ya know ghosts are protected by the Constitution?, asks Betty Blonde.
I didn't know that, replies Ruby Redhead.
Yep, its called the bill of frights!.
Q: If an accountant is Drooling out of both sides of her mouth what does it mean?.
A: It means her desk is level!.
Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me, says Paul Patient.
Ok, what seems to be the problem?, asks Doctor Derek.
I keep having the same weird dream Night After Night.
Tell me about your weird dream?.
There's a door with a sign on it, so i push with all my might and it won't open.
What does the sign on the door say?.
Pull.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Did ya know ghosts are protected by the Constitution?, asks Betty Blonde.
I didn't know that, replies Ruby Redhead.
Yep, its called the bill of frights!.
Q: If an accountant is Drooling out of both sides of her mouth what does it mean?.
A: It means her desk is level!.
Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me, says Paul Patient.
Ok, what seems to be the problem?, asks Doctor Derek.
I keep having the same weird dream Night After Night.
Tell me about your weird dream?.
There's a door with a sign on it, so i push with all my might and it won't open.
What does the sign on the door say?.
Pull.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
A Celestial Body.
Gawking through binoculars
at a stellar glow
in the night sky.
It whirls like
A Celestial Body
revolving in orbit
in the vast milky way
illuminating the night sky.
Perched on the grassy
banks of the Contention
River, i see beyond
the ferigate a
stellar glow of
A Celestial Body
flittering real slow
athwart the night sky.
Upright on a warehouses
corrugated rusty
iron roof
once again i spot that
stellar glow in
the night sky.
I climb down via an old
rusty steel step ladder
drop to a cold, dank
laneway floor
between two warehouse
brick walls where
ghoulish shadows rule.
My coursing footsteps
echo off the dank
slimy brick walls.
I turn the corner
into another laneway
only to discover my
stellar glow is not
A Celestial Body
at all, but a whirligig
fixed upon a dirty,
smelly old white
garbage truck!.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
at a stellar glow
in the night sky.
It whirls like
A Celestial Body
revolving in orbit
in the vast milky way
illuminating the night sky.
Perched on the grassy
banks of the Contention
River, i see beyond
the ferigate a
stellar glow of
A Celestial Body
flittering real slow
athwart the night sky.
Upright on a warehouses
corrugated rusty
iron roof
once again i spot that
stellar glow in
the night sky.
I climb down via an old
rusty steel step ladder
drop to a cold, dank
laneway floor
between two warehouse
brick walls where
ghoulish shadows rule.
My coursing footsteps
echo off the dank
slimy brick walls.
I turn the corner
into another laneway
only to discover my
stellar glow is not
A Celestial Body
at all, but a whirligig
fixed upon a dirty,
smelly old white
garbage truck!.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0106: Mirror.
I'll be watching you.
Like a ghost in the Mirror.
I'll be haunting you.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Bow Wow, Echo, and Entire Week.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Teresa Teacher asks Prunella Pupil, What is the outside of a tree called?.
I don't have any idea, replies Prunella.
Bark Prunella, bark Prunella!.
Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow!.
Open wide, wider, good grief!, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, says Declan Dentist.
Crikey!, doc i'm scared out of my wits as it is without you saying it twice.
I didn't say it twice that was the Echo!.
Strolling through the crowded Contention City Shopping Complex are Betty Blonde and Ruby Redhead who says, lets challenge ourselves not to spend any money for the Entire Week.
Ok, i'm up for the challenge, then we can meet in a couple of days time for lunch and compare notes, replies Betty Blonde.
Ruby Redhead couldn't believe what she just heard and stares furiously at Betty Blonde.
I thought we could have a pizza and a cuppuccino that's all realising her mistake.
I know we'll become hermits for the Entire Week, lock ourselves in our wardrobes sending the occasional text.
That could work!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Teresa Teacher asks Prunella Pupil, What is the outside of a tree called?.
I don't have any idea, replies Prunella.
Bark Prunella, bark Prunella!.
Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow!.
Open wide, wider, good grief!, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, says Declan Dentist.
Crikey!, doc i'm scared out of my wits as it is without you saying it twice.
I didn't say it twice that was the Echo!.
Strolling through the crowded Contention City Shopping Complex are Betty Blonde and Ruby Redhead who says, lets challenge ourselves not to spend any money for the Entire Week.
Ok, i'm up for the challenge, then we can meet in a couple of days time for lunch and compare notes, replies Betty Blonde.
Ruby Redhead couldn't believe what she just heard and stares furiously at Betty Blonde.
I thought we could have a pizza and a cuppuccino that's all realising her mistake.
I know we'll become hermits for the Entire Week, lock ourselves in our wardrobes sending the occasional text.
That could work!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Funky Anagrams.
What is an Anagram?. Its a word or phrase which the letters are rearranged to form another word or phrase.
Rearrange TAIPEI, TAIWAN and you get: I AWAIT ANT PIE!.
Rearrange CHRISTMAS and you get: TRIMS CASH!.
Rearrange SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and you get: DIRTY AFTER SHAVE GUN!.
Rearrange TONY BLAIR PM and you get: I'M TORY PLAN B!.
Rearrange BARBIE DOLL and you get: LIBERAL BOD!.
Rearrange RONALD WILSON REAGAN and you get: INSANE ANGLO WARLORD!.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Rearrange TAIPEI, TAIWAN and you get: I AWAIT ANT PIE!.
Rearrange CHRISTMAS and you get: TRIMS CASH!.
Rearrange SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and you get: DIRTY AFTER SHAVE GUN!.
Rearrange TONY BLAIR PM and you get: I'M TORY PLAN B!.
Rearrange BARBIE DOLL and you get: LIBERAL BOD!.
Rearrange RONALD WILSON REAGAN and you get: INSANE ANGLO WARLORD!.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Fair Dinkum Haiku 0105: Nestles.
Morning mist Nestles.
On arcane river surface.
Apparition shrieks.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Whiskey, Passengers and Hiccup.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What happened when the ghost ordered a Whiskey?.
A: We don't serve spirits here, said the barman!.
Did ya know all the buses, trains and trams are stopping today, says Burt Blonde.
Don't tell me they're on strike again?, replies Rusty Redhead.
No, they're stopping to let Passengers on and off!.
What seems to be the problem?, asks Doctor Derek.
i Hiccup, i Hiccup, i Hiccup, I Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, replies a very frustrated Paul Patient.
I can't help you if you won't tell me your problem.
Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup!.
Nurse Nadia please send in the next patient then escort this patient out since he won't tell me what his problem is, says Doctor Derek.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What happened when the ghost ordered a Whiskey?.
A: We don't serve spirits here, said the barman!.
Did ya know all the buses, trains and trams are stopping today, says Burt Blonde.
Don't tell me they're on strike again?, replies Rusty Redhead.
No, they're stopping to let Passengers on and off!.
What seems to be the problem?, asks Doctor Derek.
i Hiccup, i Hiccup, i Hiccup, I Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, replies a very frustrated Paul Patient.
I can't help you if you won't tell me your problem.
Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup!.
Nurse Nadia please send in the next patient then escort this patient out since he won't tell me what his problem is, says Doctor Derek.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
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