Saturday, December 31, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 087: Meek.
The sun is aglow.
Its raining in my split heart.
Drenching my Meek soul.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Garry And Julia's Big Day Out Pt 5: Rain Shadow.
Dawn is breaking and the scarlet sun peeps above the tall gum trees, shining rays of light through sparse green leaves on to the soggy road, creating swirls of rising steam as Garry, Julia and Tara trek down the road in Tara's tilt-a-truck toward the Contention Smash Repair Depot with the intention of dropping off Garry and Julia's 4wd which is a crumpled wreck after their encounter with the orange mist and albino turtles a few kilometres back.
Where are you folks from?, asks Tara.
Contenton City East, replies Julia in a grumpy voice.
I see the middle class area with all those fancy double story houses.
Yep, that's the place alright.
Would've cost you an arm and a leg to buy i imagine.
Just as Tara finishes speaking dark rain clouds waft across the sky totally blotting out the scarlet sun. Pitter, patter of rain drops is heard on the thin metallic roof of the tilt-a-truck. Within a matter of seconds it starts raining cats and dogs.
Doesn't the rain ever let up in this neck of the woods, asks Garry.
We're under the influence of a Rain Shadow, replies Tara.
What's a Rain Shadow?.
Its a arid area on the leeward side of Mount Contention which is in the path of rain bearing winds, which in turn dumps all the rain on this side.
So in other words we get more than our fair share of rain and get flooded out.
You're absolutely spot on.
Dazzling sunshine reappears once again as the dark clouds waft away leaving behind a welcome rainbow on the horizon in the now cloudless blue sky.
How long before we reach your digs?, asks Julia.
Not long now love, we just have to cross the bridge spanning the Contention River, i'm on the other side up on the tree lined hill, says Tara.
Oh good i'm dying for a strong black cup of coffee.
I'm dying for a chilled beer or whiskey, says Garry.
Typical, replies Julia you men can't keep away from alcohol.
Were coming up to the bridge, once we're across we'll be on the home stretch. If you look up, glance to the right a tad you can see my digs from here.
Yep, i see it, replies Julia.
Halfway across the bridge a thunderous rumbling is heard to which the bridge starts shaking violently swaying from side to side.
Looks like we're in for a roller coaster ride folks so hang on tight, says Tara.
Moments later the swollen river banks on both sides collapse into the swiftly rushing river leaving them stranded in the centre of the bridge with no chance of escape.
This is not good at all, says Tara.
Ya not wrong, replies Garry.
How do we escape this predicament?, asks Julia.
Blowed if i know, any ideas, asks Tara.
In the distance along the course of the river, Garry beholds an enormous wall of water thundering down towards them carrying vast amounts of rubbish and debris.
Crikey!, we're really in deep doo, doo, says Garry pointing at the enormous wall of water bearing down on them at a cracking pace.
It was nice knowing you folks, because we've on chance of survival, that's a inland tsunami bearing down on us, says Tara almost in tears.
Proudly standing to attention like a phallic symbol at the head of the inland tsunami is the wooden thunder box from the Contention Caravan Park.
Will ya take a gander at that, says Julia pointing, its none other than that damned wooden thunder box from the Contention Caravan Park stalking us, i bet those pesky flies are nowhere to be seen, hope they all drowned.
Just before the full force of the inland tsunami smashes head on into the bridge, the wooden thunder box strikes the bridges guardrail, tips over on its side and like a arrow released from a bow it barrels through the air colliding with the side of the tilt-a-truck shoving it across the bridge to the otherside smashing throught the guardrail and plunging both into the swiftly rushing river below, never to be seen or heard from again. Shortly afterwards the bridge is struck by the full force of the inland tsunami washing it down stream with every other piece of rubbish and debris.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Where are you folks from?, asks Tara.
Contenton City East, replies Julia in a grumpy voice.
I see the middle class area with all those fancy double story houses.
Yep, that's the place alright.
Would've cost you an arm and a leg to buy i imagine.
Just as Tara finishes speaking dark rain clouds waft across the sky totally blotting out the scarlet sun. Pitter, patter of rain drops is heard on the thin metallic roof of the tilt-a-truck. Within a matter of seconds it starts raining cats and dogs.
Doesn't the rain ever let up in this neck of the woods, asks Garry.
We're under the influence of a Rain Shadow, replies Tara.
What's a Rain Shadow?.
Its a arid area on the leeward side of Mount Contention which is in the path of rain bearing winds, which in turn dumps all the rain on this side.
So in other words we get more than our fair share of rain and get flooded out.
You're absolutely spot on.
Dazzling sunshine reappears once again as the dark clouds waft away leaving behind a welcome rainbow on the horizon in the now cloudless blue sky.
How long before we reach your digs?, asks Julia.
Not long now love, we just have to cross the bridge spanning the Contention River, i'm on the other side up on the tree lined hill, says Tara.
Oh good i'm dying for a strong black cup of coffee.
I'm dying for a chilled beer or whiskey, says Garry.
Typical, replies Julia you men can't keep away from alcohol.
Were coming up to the bridge, once we're across we'll be on the home stretch. If you look up, glance to the right a tad you can see my digs from here.
Yep, i see it, replies Julia.
Halfway across the bridge a thunderous rumbling is heard to which the bridge starts shaking violently swaying from side to side.
Looks like we're in for a roller coaster ride folks so hang on tight, says Tara.
Moments later the swollen river banks on both sides collapse into the swiftly rushing river leaving them stranded in the centre of the bridge with no chance of escape.
This is not good at all, says Tara.
Ya not wrong, replies Garry.
How do we escape this predicament?, asks Julia.
Blowed if i know, any ideas, asks Tara.
In the distance along the course of the river, Garry beholds an enormous wall of water thundering down towards them carrying vast amounts of rubbish and debris.
Crikey!, we're really in deep doo, doo, says Garry pointing at the enormous wall of water bearing down on them at a cracking pace.
It was nice knowing you folks, because we've on chance of survival, that's a inland tsunami bearing down on us, says Tara almost in tears.
Proudly standing to attention like a phallic symbol at the head of the inland tsunami is the wooden thunder box from the Contention Caravan Park.
Will ya take a gander at that, says Julia pointing, its none other than that damned wooden thunder box from the Contention Caravan Park stalking us, i bet those pesky flies are nowhere to be seen, hope they all drowned.
Just before the full force of the inland tsunami smashes head on into the bridge, the wooden thunder box strikes the bridges guardrail, tips over on its side and like a arrow released from a bow it barrels through the air colliding with the side of the tilt-a-truck shoving it across the bridge to the otherside smashing throught the guardrail and plunging both into the swiftly rushing river below, never to be seen or heard from again. Shortly afterwards the bridge is struck by the full force of the inland tsunami washing it down stream with every other piece of rubbish and debris.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 086: Bulky.
Across the azure.
Bulky stars come out to romp.
Like tumbling dice.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Knock, Knock, Politics and Grass Skirts.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Chloe.
Chloe who?.
Chloe encounters of the third kind!.
Tom Teacher asks his pupils, Can you give me another example of how to use the word Politics?.
Raising her hand excitedly is Prunella Pupil.
Yes Prunella what's your example?.
My parrot swallowed a watch and now polly ticks!.
Q: Why are the trick or treaters wearing Grass Skirts?.
A: Because its hulaween to!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Chloe.
Chloe who?.
Chloe encounters of the third kind!.
Tom Teacher asks his pupils, Can you give me another example of how to use the word Politics?.
Raising her hand excitedly is Prunella Pupil.
Yes Prunella what's your example?.
My parrot swallowed a watch and now polly ticks!.
Q: Why are the trick or treaters wearing Grass Skirts?.
A: Because its hulaween to!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 085: Blustery.
Hurricane of fire.
Fondled by Blustery WIND.
Hazy SMOKE billows.
This is a special Fair Dinkum Haiku requested by THE ELEPHANTS CHILD. Can you work out why?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, December 23, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Blown Glass Bottle.
On the limestone cliff's in the vast Contention National Park which overlook the Sea Of Contention is Lucas Lavender, his younger brother Larry, with them is their best cobber Josh Juniper who are sitting on a wobbly wooden park bench taking a breather from their morning jog. Lucas decamps from the park bench, leans on a wheelie bin full of rubbish and discovers a Blown Glass Bottle resting on top of all the rubbish, he picks it up and says hey guys look what i found in the wheelie bin.
That's a very unusual style bottle, says Larry.
Its got a cork, pull it out and see what happens, says Josh.
After wrestling with the cork for a bit Lucas finally pulls it out. Suddenly a swirl of purple smoke emerges, drifts over to the park bench, slowly the purple smoke vanishes and in its place is Gene Genie who hovers above the park bench cross-legged with arms folded across his chest.
Are you a fair dinkum Genie?, asks Lucas.
Is the pope catholic?, replies Gene Genie.
I guess he is catholic.
Well that makes me a real Genie doesn't it.
How many wishes will you grant us?, asks Larry.
I'll grant each one of you one wish each in gratitude for releasing me from that cramped, smelly, mouldy bottle.
Ok we'll be in it, what do we have to do?.
Its as simple as falling off a log, says Gene Genie.
All you have to do is take a running leap off the limestone cliff behind you and at the same time shout out your wish and you'll land in a dinghy chock-a-block of that wish.
Sounds easy enough, what do ya reckon guys shall we give it a shot?.
Yeah, why not we've got nothing to lose, replies Josh.
I'm in so long as Lucas goes first, says Larry.
Ok, i'll go first, are you ready Gene Genie?.
I'm at your command.
Lucas takes a few steps back, takes off at a cracking pace, leaps off the cliff and shouts money, when he lands in his dinghy its crammed with $100 notes.
Next up is Josh who also takes a few steps back, takes off like a bat out of hades, leaps off the cliff and shouts gorgeous sheila's, when he lands in his dinghy its chock-full of the most gorgeous sheila's Josh has ever seen in his life.
Now comes Larry's turn, who's a bit mentally challenged and has forgotten most of Gene Genies instructions and runs like the clappers, leaps off the cliff and shouts weeee, when he lands in his dinghy its full to the brim with yellow piddle and nearly drowns!.
Just goes to show you have to be very careful what you say when making a wish. What would you wish for if given a chance?.
G' Day THE ELEPHANTS CHILD your special Haiku you asked for will be posted first thing tomorrow morning enjoy.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
That's a very unusual style bottle, says Larry.
Its got a cork, pull it out and see what happens, says Josh.
After wrestling with the cork for a bit Lucas finally pulls it out. Suddenly a swirl of purple smoke emerges, drifts over to the park bench, slowly the purple smoke vanishes and in its place is Gene Genie who hovers above the park bench cross-legged with arms folded across his chest.
Are you a fair dinkum Genie?, asks Lucas.
Is the pope catholic?, replies Gene Genie.
I guess he is catholic.
Well that makes me a real Genie doesn't it.
How many wishes will you grant us?, asks Larry.
I'll grant each one of you one wish each in gratitude for releasing me from that cramped, smelly, mouldy bottle.
Ok we'll be in it, what do we have to do?.
Its as simple as falling off a log, says Gene Genie.
All you have to do is take a running leap off the limestone cliff behind you and at the same time shout out your wish and you'll land in a dinghy chock-a-block of that wish.
Sounds easy enough, what do ya reckon guys shall we give it a shot?.
Yeah, why not we've got nothing to lose, replies Josh.
I'm in so long as Lucas goes first, says Larry.
Ok, i'll go first, are you ready Gene Genie?.
I'm at your command.
Lucas takes a few steps back, takes off at a cracking pace, leaps off the cliff and shouts money, when he lands in his dinghy its crammed with $100 notes.
Next up is Josh who also takes a few steps back, takes off like a bat out of hades, leaps off the cliff and shouts gorgeous sheila's, when he lands in his dinghy its chock-full of the most gorgeous sheila's Josh has ever seen in his life.
Now comes Larry's turn, who's a bit mentally challenged and has forgotten most of Gene Genies instructions and runs like the clappers, leaps off the cliff and shouts weeee, when he lands in his dinghy its full to the brim with yellow piddle and nearly drowns!.
Just goes to show you have to be very careful what you say when making a wish. What would you wish for if given a chance?.
G' Day THE ELEPHANTS CHILD your special Haiku you asked for will be posted first thing tomorrow morning enjoy.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 084: Alone.
Bitter roaring wind.
All Alone on this mountain.
Zilch around for miles.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Blind, Very Annoying and Peckish.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya get when you cross a dog with a Blind dingo?.
A: A dog that barks up the wrong tree!.
Its early evening around tea time when Paul's mobile phone chirps and he says, Hello, who's calling at this time its Very Annoying.
I wonder if i can speak to your parents?, asks Cindy.
Hold on i'll look up their number for ya. After a few minutes Paul reads out the phone number to Cindy.
Fifteen minutes later Cindy calls back and says, You've given me the wrong phone number this one is for the Contention Cemetary.
Its the right phone number because my parents passed away thirty years ago and you did ask to speak to them!.
Q: Which tree do ya scan for when you're a tad Peckish?.
A: The pantry!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya get when you cross a dog with a Blind dingo?.
A: A dog that barks up the wrong tree!.
Its early evening around tea time when Paul's mobile phone chirps and he says, Hello, who's calling at this time its Very Annoying.
I wonder if i can speak to your parents?, asks Cindy.
Hold on i'll look up their number for ya. After a few minutes Paul reads out the phone number to Cindy.
Fifteen minutes later Cindy calls back and says, You've given me the wrong phone number this one is for the Contention Cemetary.
Its the right phone number because my parents passed away thirty years ago and you did ask to speak to them!.
Q: Which tree do ya scan for when you're a tad Peckish?.
A: The pantry!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 083: Gusty.
Angry wave shaped clouds.
Glide across the murky sky.
Thrust by Gusty winds.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Glide across the murky sky.
Thrust by Gusty winds.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, December 16, 2011
A Cave.
Stapled to a wooden electricity pole beside the footpath is a large cardboard sign which reads, garage sale next saturday, sale includes white goods, furniture, toys, books, garden tools, pot plants, car parts and bric-a-brac, everything must be sold owner moving to Hawaii all welcome, sale starts at 7 am till 4 pm.
After reading the large cardboard sign Ruby Redhead whose walking home from her part time job at the Contention Fish 'n' Shop dives into her tiny handbag over flowing with girlie junk, rumages around for a few minutes and finds her mobile phone and speed dials her best cobber Betty Blonde.
Betty Blonde answers the phone after a few rings and says, G' day Ruby what's going on?.
There's a garage sale at the house on the corner of my street tomorrow starting at 7 am because the lucky ducks are moving to Hawaii where our best blogging cobber Cloudia lives thought you might be interested there could be a second hand upright freezer for sale that you've been after for a while.
I'll come around to your house early tomorrow morning and we can both go together.
Bright and early next morning Betty Blonde is at the front door of Ruby's house ringing the door bell impatiently.
Ok, ok keep ya hair on i'm coming screams Ruby from the kitchen. Finally the front door opens and Ruby steps out dressed and ready to go and says right then lets be off. They both wander down the footpath to the house on the corner and discover five or six people milling around the house up the driveway waiting for the side gates to open.
Right on 7 am the side gates are thrown open and everybody stampedes up the driveway into the garage where Betty Blonde frantically gawks around for a second hand upright freezer she's hoping to buy and lo and behold she spots one tucked away in the corner, makes a bee line straight for it. Attached to the door is the price tag which reads $100 or nearest offer Betty opens the door and is delighted the inside is as clean as a whistle.
Sitting on the middle shelf is the operating instructions which she picks up, flips through, stops at the heading "Defrost" which she reads out aloud, when defrosting remove all frozen food wrap in newspaper or blanket then store in the coldest place possible such as A Cave.
Crikey! A Cave, the only caves i know of are the limestone caves in the Contention National Park, says Betty.
Don't worry about it those operating instructions are outdated and could be at least 40 years old, replies Ruby.
That maybe the case but i'm going to buy this upright freezer for a $100 its a real bargain.
Came across this story in one of my folders written on a scrap piece of paper the upright freezer and operating instructions are real. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. Would you risk storing all your frozen food in A Cave so the local wildlife and creepy critters can feast upon it?, i know i wouldn't.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
After reading the large cardboard sign Ruby Redhead whose walking home from her part time job at the Contention Fish 'n' Shop dives into her tiny handbag over flowing with girlie junk, rumages around for a few minutes and finds her mobile phone and speed dials her best cobber Betty Blonde.
Betty Blonde answers the phone after a few rings and says, G' day Ruby what's going on?.
There's a garage sale at the house on the corner of my street tomorrow starting at 7 am because the lucky ducks are moving to Hawaii where our best blogging cobber Cloudia lives thought you might be interested there could be a second hand upright freezer for sale that you've been after for a while.
I'll come around to your house early tomorrow morning and we can both go together.
Bright and early next morning Betty Blonde is at the front door of Ruby's house ringing the door bell impatiently.
Ok, ok keep ya hair on i'm coming screams Ruby from the kitchen. Finally the front door opens and Ruby steps out dressed and ready to go and says right then lets be off. They both wander down the footpath to the house on the corner and discover five or six people milling around the house up the driveway waiting for the side gates to open.
Right on 7 am the side gates are thrown open and everybody stampedes up the driveway into the garage where Betty Blonde frantically gawks around for a second hand upright freezer she's hoping to buy and lo and behold she spots one tucked away in the corner, makes a bee line straight for it. Attached to the door is the price tag which reads $100 or nearest offer Betty opens the door and is delighted the inside is as clean as a whistle.
Sitting on the middle shelf is the operating instructions which she picks up, flips through, stops at the heading "Defrost" which she reads out aloud, when defrosting remove all frozen food wrap in newspaper or blanket then store in the coldest place possible such as A Cave.
Crikey! A Cave, the only caves i know of are the limestone caves in the Contention National Park, says Betty.
Don't worry about it those operating instructions are outdated and could be at least 40 years old, replies Ruby.
That maybe the case but i'm going to buy this upright freezer for a $100 its a real bargain.
Came across this story in one of my folders written on a scrap piece of paper the upright freezer and operating instructions are real. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. Would you risk storing all your frozen food in A Cave so the local wildlife and creepy critters can feast upon it?, i know i wouldn't.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 082: Caressing.
On the beach i stroll.
Waves roll and swirl at my feet.
Caressing my toes.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Waves roll and swirl at my feet.
Caressing my toes.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Footwear, Forehead and Tickets.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a cat that wears footwear?.
A: Puss 'n' boots!.
Q: Why does Betty Blonde whack herself on the Forehead with her hand?.
A: Because she's high fiving herself!.
Father and Mary Christmas decide to spend the evening at the movies at the newly built multiplex. With Mary in tow Father Christmas barges past everybody queuing for Tickets and comes to a halt at the Ticket window.
Excuse me sir, please go the end of the queue and wait your turn to purchase Tickets like everybody else, says Tara from behind the smoky glass Ticket window.
Look here young lady i don't need a Ticket i'm Father Christmas my face is my Ticket.
You'd better be careful then because there is a muscle bound bouncer who's job it is to punch Tickets!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a cat that wears footwear?.
A: Puss 'n' boots!.
Q: Why does Betty Blonde whack herself on the Forehead with her hand?.
A: Because she's high fiving herself!.
Father and Mary Christmas decide to spend the evening at the movies at the newly built multiplex. With Mary in tow Father Christmas barges past everybody queuing for Tickets and comes to a halt at the Ticket window.
Excuse me sir, please go the end of the queue and wait your turn to purchase Tickets like everybody else, says Tara from behind the smoky glass Ticket window.
Look here young lady i don't need a Ticket i'm Father Christmas my face is my Ticket.
You'd better be careful then because there is a muscle bound bouncer who's job it is to punch Tickets!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 081: Petite.
Like rolling dice.
Petite stars come out to play.
Across the heavens.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Petite stars come out to play.
Across the heavens.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, December 09, 2011
Funky Anagrams.
What is an Anagram?. Its a word or a phrase which the letters are rearranged to form another word or phrase.
Rearrange MEL GIBSON and you get: BONG SMILE.
Rearrange JAMES BOND and you get: DEMONS JAB.
Rearrange GUINNESS DRAUGHT and you get: NAUGHTINESS DRUG.
Rearrange MOUNT SHASTA and you get: SATANS MOUTH.
Rearrange THE COUNTRY SIDE and you get: NO CITY DUST HERE.
Rearrange OSAMA BIN LADEN and you get: I BE SO DAMNED ANAL.
Which Anagram is your favourite?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Rearrange MEL GIBSON and you get: BONG SMILE.
Rearrange JAMES BOND and you get: DEMONS JAB.
Rearrange GUINNESS DRAUGHT and you get: NAUGHTINESS DRUG.
Rearrange MOUNT SHASTA and you get: SATANS MOUTH.
Rearrange THE COUNTRY SIDE and you get: NO CITY DUST HERE.
Rearrange OSAMA BIN LADEN and you get: I BE SO DAMNED ANAL.
Which Anagram is your favourite?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 080: Woodland.
Fervent homsteads.
Sprawling field of verdant grass.
Besieged by Woodland.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Two Dollar Coin, Boiling Up and The Headmaster.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do you bump off a bogan with a Two Dollar Coin?.
A: Toss it under a moving semi-trailer!.
Peter Patient says, I seem to be boiling up a lot lately.
Doctor Derek replies, You just need to simmer down a bit!.
I don't wanna go to school anymore, says Phillip.
Why not?, asks his mum.
Because all the teachers bully me and the lads in my grade don't like me.
Do ya know why?.
I have no idea!.
Its because you're 45 years old and The Headmaster!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do you bump off a bogan with a Two Dollar Coin?.
A: Toss it under a moving semi-trailer!.
Peter Patient says, I seem to be boiling up a lot lately.
Doctor Derek replies, You just need to simmer down a bit!.
I don't wanna go to school anymore, says Phillip.
Why not?, asks his mum.
Because all the teachers bully me and the lads in my grade don't like me.
Do ya know why?.
I have no idea!.
Its because you're 45 years old and The Headmaster!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, December 03, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 079: Infinite.
In Infinite space.
Never ending throughout time.
Our fragile home spins.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, December 02, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Several Kicks.
For weeks Gerard Grey who's eight years old and attends the Contention Primary School has been bragging to his classmates and his teacher Teresa Turquoise about a new baby brother or sister that is expected to be born anyday now.
One evening while sitting on the couch watching tv Gerards mum allows him to rest his hand on her big tummy and feel the unborn childs movements. Gerard is shocked because the unborn child gives Several Kicks but he makes no comment and stops telling his classmates and teacher.
During lunchtime in the crowded school canteen his teacher Teresa pulls Gerard to one side and asks, what has become of your new baby brother or sister you were always telling us about.
My mummy ate it, replies Gerard bursting into tears.
How do ya know that?.
Because i rested my hand on my mummy's big tummy and the baby was trying to kick its way out!.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
One evening while sitting on the couch watching tv Gerards mum allows him to rest his hand on her big tummy and feel the unborn childs movements. Gerard is shocked because the unborn child gives Several Kicks but he makes no comment and stops telling his classmates and teacher.
During lunchtime in the crowded school canteen his teacher Teresa pulls Gerard to one side and asks, what has become of your new baby brother or sister you were always telling us about.
My mummy ate it, replies Gerard bursting into tears.
How do ya know that?.
Because i rested my hand on my mummy's big tummy and the baby was trying to kick its way out!.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 078: Mission.
In dusky moonlight.
Spirits soar on a Mission.
To steep pinnacle.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Knock Knock, An Antique and A Ultimatium.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?.
Bridie.
Bridie who.
Bridie the light of the silvery moon!.
Q: When do you know your getting old?.
A: When people bid on you at an Antique auction!.
Mick Maloney says, i was given a Ultimatium by my wife last night while i was packing my fishing gear into the ute.
What did she say?, asks Paddy Pickles.
Its me or your fishing.
Which did you choose?.
Fishing of course, gee i miss her not!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?.
Bridie.
Bridie who.
Bridie the light of the silvery moon!.
Q: When do you know your getting old?.
A: When people bid on you at an Antique auction!.
Mick Maloney says, i was given a Ultimatium by my wife last night while i was packing my fishing gear into the ute.
What did she say?, asks Paddy Pickles.
Its me or your fishing.
Which did you choose?.
Fishing of course, gee i miss her not!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 077: Kiss.
Meek waves Kiss sheer cliffs.
Wears away the rocky shore.
Ebbs into the sea.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Upside Down.
After finishing a counter lunch of steak, chips and salad followed by a few beers at the Contention Hotel, Grandpa Grey who's 90 not out, staggers out the front door and is blinded by the hot blazing and almost loses his balance on the steps. With his hand sheilding his eyes Grandpa finnally steps onto the footpath, to make matters worse he is well nigh cleaned up by twin brother and sister Graham and Gemma Green riding their brand new mountain bikes along the footpath at break neck speed.
Why don't you two young whipper snappers be more careful i almost filled my boxer shorts, screams Grandpa at the top of his lungs while shaking his fist at them. Unbeknown to Grandpa who can't see past his nose without his glasses on, Graham Green turns around pokes his tongue out along with a one finger salute.
Now a wee bit confused Grandpa has forgotten the errand he was on and scours the top pockets of his blue flannel check shirt in the hope of finding his to do list, instead he comes across two letters that need posting to Australia but have no postage stamps stuck on them. Grandpa now realises that the Contention Post Office is his next port of call and takes off at a very brisk pace along the footpath to the post office on the corner, storms up the disabled ramp through the automatic doors and collides headlong into the last customer in the queue which is ten deep inside the post office.
Oh! no, i'll be here for hours mumbles Grandpa to himself.
What seemed to be hours which was actually only 20 minutes Grandpa is finally at the head of the queue waiting to be served.
Next please, grumbles Penny Postmistress.
Grandpa ambles over to the crowded counter and says, I need two stamps so i post these letters and would you be so kind as to stick them on for me i'm a bit short sighted and i've forgotten my glasses.
No problem i can do that for you, hang on a minute do you realise you've written the adressess Upside Down.
Yes i do, because they're going to Australia, you know the land down under.
Gobsmacked Penny sticks the postage stamps on the letters and says, the post box is out the front at the end of the disabled ramp you can post them on your way out.
Mumbling again to himself Grandpa strides through the automatic doors, eyes the post box recessed in the wall and pops 'em through the slot, strides down the disabled ramp and is once again well nigh cleaned up by twin brother and sister Graham and Gemma Green riding their brand new mountain bikes full tilt along the footpath in the opposite direction.
Grandpa once again mumbles to himself, i'm convinced those two young whipper snappers are stalking me then wanders off toward home.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Why don't you two young whipper snappers be more careful i almost filled my boxer shorts, screams Grandpa at the top of his lungs while shaking his fist at them. Unbeknown to Grandpa who can't see past his nose without his glasses on, Graham Green turns around pokes his tongue out along with a one finger salute.
Now a wee bit confused Grandpa has forgotten the errand he was on and scours the top pockets of his blue flannel check shirt in the hope of finding his to do list, instead he comes across two letters that need posting to Australia but have no postage stamps stuck on them. Grandpa now realises that the Contention Post Office is his next port of call and takes off at a very brisk pace along the footpath to the post office on the corner, storms up the disabled ramp through the automatic doors and collides headlong into the last customer in the queue which is ten deep inside the post office.
Oh! no, i'll be here for hours mumbles Grandpa to himself.
What seemed to be hours which was actually only 20 minutes Grandpa is finally at the head of the queue waiting to be served.
Next please, grumbles Penny Postmistress.
Grandpa ambles over to the crowded counter and says, I need two stamps so i post these letters and would you be so kind as to stick them on for me i'm a bit short sighted and i've forgotten my glasses.
No problem i can do that for you, hang on a minute do you realise you've written the adressess Upside Down.
Yes i do, because they're going to Australia, you know the land down under.
Gobsmacked Penny sticks the postage stamps on the letters and says, the post box is out the front at the end of the disabled ramp you can post them on your way out.
Mumbling again to himself Grandpa strides through the automatic doors, eyes the post box recessed in the wall and pops 'em through the slot, strides down the disabled ramp and is once again well nigh cleaned up by twin brother and sister Graham and Gemma Green riding their brand new mountain bikes full tilt along the footpath in the opposite direction.
Grandpa once again mumbles to himself, i'm convinced those two young whipper snappers are stalking me then wanders off toward home.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 076: Yesterday.
Clock ticks past midnight.
Yesterday is history.
Today is brand new.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Garment, A Knock, Knock and A Seahorse.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is a duffle coat?.
A: A Garment a boy wears when his mum is cold!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Answer.
Answer who?.
Answer are all over your car!.
Two best cobbers Tom and Nick who are 10 year old are playing video games in the rumpus room when out of the blue Tom says, i'm going down to the pet shop tomorrow and buy A Seahorse.
What do ya want A Seahorse for?, asks Nick.
So i can play water polo!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is a duffle coat?.
A: A Garment a boy wears when his mum is cold!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Answer.
Answer who?.
Answer are all over your car!.
Two best cobbers Tom and Nick who are 10 year old are playing video games in the rumpus room when out of the blue Tom says, i'm going down to the pet shop tomorrow and buy A Seahorse.
What do ya want A Seahorse for?, asks Nick.
So i can play water polo!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 075: Skeletons.
Spirits in my head.
Haunt my brain with ghoulish thoughts.
Skeletons emerge.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, November 18, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Item In Question.
Zig zagging along the footpath on this bitterly cold morning and shaking from head to toe like a leaf in a strong wind is Grandma Redhead who's husband passed away recently from a heart attack. Finally reaching her intended destination she climbs up the steps, enters the Contention Adult Shop which sells a vast array of adult entertainment of the intimate variety. She wobbles up to the front counter crammed to overflowing with various items only to discover no one is around, then notices a round brass bell residing on the counter, taps it gently in the hope someone will turn up to help her.
Behind a large black curtain on the otherside of the counter is Nancy Nutmeg the shop owner who shouts, just a minute i'm on the phone with a customer.
Ooookkkk! replies Grandma. While waiting she decides to have a sticky beak around the shop, gawping at various items on display which are not her cup of tea. Finally ending her phone call Nancy draws the large black curtain aside to reveal she is scantly clad in a very low cut, figure hugging red leather outfit which leaves nothing to the imagination at all and asks, how can i help you today love?.
Yyyyooounnnggg lllladdddy ddddoooo yyyyooouuuu sssseeeellll vvvvibbbrattttorssss?, asks Grandma.
Yes i do love, says Nancy with a cheeky smile on her face.
Bbbbigggg ffffluoressssentttt ggggreeeennnn oooonessss?.
I have in stock all different shapes, colours and sizes love.
Aaaabbbboooutttt ttttweeeellllveeee iiiinchhhhesss lllloooongggg?.
I certainly do love.
Tttthhhatttt ttttakkkessss ttttwoooo dddd ceeeellll bbbbatttteriessss?.
Yes i do love.
Wwwwelll tttthennnn ccccannnn yyyyouuuu ttttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo tttturrrrnnnn ttttheeee bbbblasssstedddd tttthingggg ooooffff?.
I can do that for you love where is the Item In Question?.
Grandma places her large black shoulder bag on the counter, removes the Item In Question, hands it to Nancy who then turns it off. Hands up those who thought the Item In Question was some place else.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Behind a large black curtain on the otherside of the counter is Nancy Nutmeg the shop owner who shouts, just a minute i'm on the phone with a customer.
Ooookkkk! replies Grandma. While waiting she decides to have a sticky beak around the shop, gawping at various items on display which are not her cup of tea. Finally ending her phone call Nancy draws the large black curtain aside to reveal she is scantly clad in a very low cut, figure hugging red leather outfit which leaves nothing to the imagination at all and asks, how can i help you today love?.
Yyyyooounnnggg lllladdddy ddddoooo yyyyooouuuu sssseeeellll vvvvibbbrattttorssss?, asks Grandma.
Yes i do love, says Nancy with a cheeky smile on her face.
Bbbbigggg ffffluoressssentttt ggggreeeennnn oooonessss?.
I have in stock all different shapes, colours and sizes love.
Aaaabbbboooutttt ttttweeeellllveeee iiiinchhhhesss lllloooongggg?.
I certainly do love.
Tttthhhatttt ttttakkkessss ttttwoooo dddd ceeeellll bbbbatttteriessss?.
Yes i do love.
Wwwwelll tttthennnn ccccannnn yyyyouuuu ttttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo tttturrrrnnnn ttttheeee bbbblasssstedddd tttthingggg ooooffff?.
I can do that for you love where is the Item In Question?.
Grandma places her large black shoulder bag on the counter, removes the Item In Question, hands it to Nancy who then turns it off. Hands up those who thought the Item In Question was some place else.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 074: Lustre.
Rich full moon ascends.
At the rear of motile clouds.
Opaque Lustre.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Cliff, Medication and Both Ends.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do two elephants sound like when they jump off A Cliff and hit the ground below?.
A: Boom, boom!!.
Q: What kind of Medication do ants need?.
A: Anti-biotics!.
Peter and Colin are travelling home together on a crowded bus when Peter asks, which end of the bus can i safely alight from?.
It doesn't really matter Both Ends stop at the same time, replies Colin.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do two elephants sound like when they jump off A Cliff and hit the ground below?.
A: Boom, boom!!.
Q: What kind of Medication do ants need?.
A: Anti-biotics!.
Peter and Colin are travelling home together on a crowded bus when Peter asks, which end of the bus can i safely alight from?.
It doesn't really matter Both Ends stop at the same time, replies Colin.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 073: Crying.
The sky is Crying.
The tears gush down the mountain.
Into arctic mere.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Steamed Dim Sims.
Its lunchtime and Senior Constable Lucy Lavender who's been stationed at the Contention Police Station for the last two years locks her office door, wanders via the noisy and crowded reception area, out the front door onto the wet footpath and meanders toward the Contention Fish 'n' Chip shop and orders three Steamed Dim Sims for lunch.
Firmly grasping the brown paper bag with two Steamed Dim Sims in one hand while munching on a third with the other Lucy makes a bee-line for the police station at a brisk pace hoping not to get caught in the rain as dark clouds start rolling in. Up ahead she spots her little brother Larry Lavender walking towards her and they meet at the entrance to the police station.
After giving each other a hug and a couple of air kisses Lucy says, fancy meeting you here where are you off to?.
I'm trying to work out what to have for lunch, what are you having?, asks Larry.
Steamed Dim Sims.
Yummy, tell ya what, if i can guess how many you have left can i have one?.
Go on take a wild guess and if you guess correctly you can have both of 'em.
Eyeing off the brown paper bag for what seemed an eternity Larry finally says, with a big smile on his freckled face, my guess is there are four left, did i guess correctly?.
No, like i said before you can have both of 'em if you guessed correctly but you didn't, opening the brown paper bag and showing Larry the two Steamed Dim Sims. Shaking her head Lucy mounts the steps leading into the police station and disappears into the bowls of the dingy cavernous police station.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Firmly grasping the brown paper bag with two Steamed Dim Sims in one hand while munching on a third with the other Lucy makes a bee-line for the police station at a brisk pace hoping not to get caught in the rain as dark clouds start rolling in. Up ahead she spots her little brother Larry Lavender walking towards her and they meet at the entrance to the police station.
After giving each other a hug and a couple of air kisses Lucy says, fancy meeting you here where are you off to?.
I'm trying to work out what to have for lunch, what are you having?, asks Larry.
Steamed Dim Sims.
Yummy, tell ya what, if i can guess how many you have left can i have one?.
Go on take a wild guess and if you guess correctly you can have both of 'em.
Eyeing off the brown paper bag for what seemed an eternity Larry finally says, with a big smile on his freckled face, my guess is there are four left, did i guess correctly?.
No, like i said before you can have both of 'em if you guessed correctly but you didn't, opening the brown paper bag and showing Larry the two Steamed Dim Sims. Shaking her head Lucy mounts the steps leading into the police station and disappears into the bowls of the dingy cavernous police station.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 072: Mansions.
Sprawling fields of grass.
Tumbledown stately Mansions.
Girdled by forests.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Rare, Antique and Empty Handed.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is a Rare hare?.
A: A queer rabbit!.
Q: What do ya call a 100 year old ant?.
A: An Antique!.
Are you coming to my birthday party next saturday?, asks Luke.
Yes, give me your address, replies Matthew.
Its 36 Russell St, when you turn up ring the door bell with your elbow.
Why my elbow?.
Because you won't be Empty Handed will ya!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is a Rare hare?.
A: A queer rabbit!.
Q: What do ya call a 100 year old ant?.
A: An Antique!.
Are you coming to my birthday party next saturday?, asks Luke.
Yes, give me your address, replies Matthew.
Its 36 Russell St, when you turn up ring the door bell with your elbow.
Why my elbow?.
Because you won't be Empty Handed will ya!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 071: Galaxies.
Ride a bolting star.
Through Galaxies of cosmic death.
To zions pale garden.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, November 04, 2011
Gone Walkabout.
Sitting comfortable in the garage on a brown leather chair which has seen better days and next to his speed boat, Lucas is reading the local rag and comes across a full page ad which reads in bold print For Sale The Contention Firewood Supply. Further down the page in small print it reads the sale includes buildings and contents, two 4wd utes, a bobcat and tip truck various axes, sledghammers, splitters, hand saws, chainsaws price on application contact Contention Real Estate for more details.
What do ya say about going into the Firewood Supply Business?, asks Lucas.
Spread out on a brown leather couch in the corner and looking dazed and confused after last nights bender Josh says, Yeah i'll give it a go its gotta be better than lying around here all day going nuts, we can use our redundacy payout as a deposit then apply for a business loan through the Contention Community Bank to cover the shortfall. Sounds like a plan to me i'll give the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell in the morning and find out the asking price.
Next morning after giving the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell Lucas says, the asking price is $25,000, walking into the garage and plonking himself on the brown leather chair, we only have $7,000 between us so that leaves us $18,000 to borrow.
After jumping through many hoops as ya do to have a loan granted, one week later the loan is approved and the following day Lucas and Josh are handed the keys to their new business venture.
I never thought in my wildest dream that you and me would go into business together, says Lucas.
Me either, so now we have to make a go of it so no whinging, moaning or slacking off when the going gets tough, replies Josh.
I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7.30 am then we'll see who'll be whinging, moaning or slacking off.
On the first day of business Lucas and Josh cut and chop small redgum logs into three piles of firewood then Josh jumps onto the bobcat fires it up and scoops one pile into the tip truck ready for delivery after lunch. Lunchtime is finished and everything is washed up and put away, Lucas and Josh both jump into the tip truck and take off to make their first delivery on the other side of town.
Returning to the yard an hour later they discover one pile of firewood has Gone Walkabout.
I don't believe this when we left there were two piles of firewood now there's only one, says Lucas.
What should we do about it call the police?, asks Josh reaching for his mobile phone.
No wait, i've an idea that will catch the thief.
OK then.
Next morning Lucas says to Josh we'll only prepare two piles of firewood today.
Why only two piles?, asks Josh
I want to be certain the lowlife thief pinches this pile today because i'll prepare a nasty surprise for him, says Lucas.
What would that be?.
Never mind that jump into one of the utes, because its your shout to buy lunch today.
While Josh is out buying lunch Lucas rigs the firewood with his nasty surprise. After making their first delivery of the day and returning to the yard they discover the other pile has Gone Walkabout to.
Do we ring the police this time?, asks Josh mobile phone at the ready.
No we wait and see what happens tonight, says Lucas.
Around 6.00pm a loud explosion echoes through the town which the town folk find out via the grapevine that it came from the Contention Pizza Shop. When Lucas turns up a small crowd has gathered to watch the action.
People are saying the wood fired oven blew up while the cook was preparing the oven for tonights customers, says Josh.
Now you you know who's been pinching our firewood, says Lucas.
What did you do?, asks Josh.
I stuffed two pieces of hollow firewood with two shotgun cartridges in each piece and waited for the big bang.
Came across this story in the newspaper which actually happened, the real parts are the piles of firewood being pinched and the shotgun cartridges were stuffed into hollow pieces of firewood. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. When you come to think about it , it really is irresponsible, stupid, dangerous and reckless act. If it was me i'd hide myself somewhere in the yard, camera at the ready and wait for the lowlife thief to turn up then snap away and turn the photos over to the police, its much safer that way. What would you have done in a situation like this?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
What do ya say about going into the Firewood Supply Business?, asks Lucas.
Spread out on a brown leather couch in the corner and looking dazed and confused after last nights bender Josh says, Yeah i'll give it a go its gotta be better than lying around here all day going nuts, we can use our redundacy payout as a deposit then apply for a business loan through the Contention Community Bank to cover the shortfall. Sounds like a plan to me i'll give the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell in the morning and find out the asking price.
Next morning after giving the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell Lucas says, the asking price is $25,000, walking into the garage and plonking himself on the brown leather chair, we only have $7,000 between us so that leaves us $18,000 to borrow.
After jumping through many hoops as ya do to have a loan granted, one week later the loan is approved and the following day Lucas and Josh are handed the keys to their new business venture.
I never thought in my wildest dream that you and me would go into business together, says Lucas.
Me either, so now we have to make a go of it so no whinging, moaning or slacking off when the going gets tough, replies Josh.
I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7.30 am then we'll see who'll be whinging, moaning or slacking off.
On the first day of business Lucas and Josh cut and chop small redgum logs into three piles of firewood then Josh jumps onto the bobcat fires it up and scoops one pile into the tip truck ready for delivery after lunch. Lunchtime is finished and everything is washed up and put away, Lucas and Josh both jump into the tip truck and take off to make their first delivery on the other side of town.
Returning to the yard an hour later they discover one pile of firewood has Gone Walkabout.
I don't believe this when we left there were two piles of firewood now there's only one, says Lucas.
What should we do about it call the police?, asks Josh reaching for his mobile phone.
No wait, i've an idea that will catch the thief.
OK then.
Next morning Lucas says to Josh we'll only prepare two piles of firewood today.
Why only two piles?, asks Josh
I want to be certain the lowlife thief pinches this pile today because i'll prepare a nasty surprise for him, says Lucas.
What would that be?.
Never mind that jump into one of the utes, because its your shout to buy lunch today.
While Josh is out buying lunch Lucas rigs the firewood with his nasty surprise. After making their first delivery of the day and returning to the yard they discover the other pile has Gone Walkabout to.
Do we ring the police this time?, asks Josh mobile phone at the ready.
No we wait and see what happens tonight, says Lucas.
Around 6.00pm a loud explosion echoes through the town which the town folk find out via the grapevine that it came from the Contention Pizza Shop. When Lucas turns up a small crowd has gathered to watch the action.
People are saying the wood fired oven blew up while the cook was preparing the oven for tonights customers, says Josh.
Now you you know who's been pinching our firewood, says Lucas.
What did you do?, asks Josh.
I stuffed two pieces of hollow firewood with two shotgun cartridges in each piece and waited for the big bang.
Came across this story in the newspaper which actually happened, the real parts are the piles of firewood being pinched and the shotgun cartridges were stuffed into hollow pieces of firewood. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. When you come to think about it , it really is irresponsible, stupid, dangerous and reckless act. If it was me i'd hide myself somewhere in the yard, camera at the ready and wait for the lowlife thief to turn up then snap away and turn the photos over to the police, its much safer that way. What would you have done in a situation like this?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 070: Helicopters.
In outback desert.
Fluttering Helicopters.
Herd mobs of sheep.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Thieving, Medicine and $120 Bucks.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a Thieving pig?.
A: A ham burglar!.
Q: What is a bees favourite song?.
A: A spoonful of sugar helps the Medicine go down!.
Dean Dentist says, I'll have to extract that decayed tooth, don't worry it'll only take a couple of minutes.
Paula Patient asks, How much is it gonna cost?.
It'll cost ya $120 Bucks.
That's a fair bit of moolah for a couple of minutes work.
If you like i'll extract the tooth very slowly to make it last longer.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a Thieving pig?.
A: A ham burglar!.
Q: What is a bees favourite song?.
A: A spoonful of sugar helps the Medicine go down!.
Dean Dentist says, I'll have to extract that decayed tooth, don't worry it'll only take a couple of minutes.
Paula Patient asks, How much is it gonna cost?.
It'll cost ya $120 Bucks.
That's a fair bit of moolah for a couple of minutes work.
If you like i'll extract the tooth very slowly to make it last longer.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 069: Lea.
Wall of pea soup fog.
Skims calmly over the Lea.
Like slow motion waves.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Body Parts: Hair.
There is Hair and Hair.
Thick and thin.
Tangled and messy.
Curly and frizzy.
Bouncy and flat.
Long and short.
Page 'n' bob.
Mullet 'n' afro.
Crew 'n' buzz.
Close cropped.
Short back.
Short sides.
Nude on top.
Blonde and platium.
Red and brunette.
Black and brown.
Grey and greyer.
Salt 'n' pepper.
Punky 'n' funky.
Rainbow colour.
Some people just have bad hair days everyday.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Thick and thin.
Tangled and messy.
Curly and frizzy.
Bouncy and flat.
Long and short.
Page 'n' bob.
Mullet 'n' afro.
Crew 'n' buzz.
Close cropped.
Short back.
Short sides.
Nude on top.
Blonde and platium.
Red and brunette.
Black and brown.
Grey and greyer.
Salt 'n' pepper.
Punky 'n' funky.
Rainbow colour.
Some people just have bad hair days everyday.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 068: Fjord.
Purplish dusky clouds.
Embrace craggy mountain peaks.
Down to icy Fjord.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Crayant, Partly Deaf and Tiddly Winks.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What type of ant can you colour in with?.
A: A Crayant!.
Q: Why was the Partly Deaf bartender called the judge?.
A: Because he would pardon everyone!.
Donna Diner asks, Does the band play requests?.
Yes madame i think so, replies Wilbur Waiter.
Bonza, wander over their and ask them to play Tiddly Winks until i've finished eating!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What type of ant can you colour in with?.
A: A Crayant!.
Q: Why was the Partly Deaf bartender called the judge?.
A: Because he would pardon everyone!.
Donna Diner asks, Does the band play requests?.
Yes madame i think so, replies Wilbur Waiter.
Bonza, wander over their and ask them to play Tiddly Winks until i've finished eating!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 067: Nippy.
Lake backlit by sun.
Slipping behind steep mountain.
Night air turns Nippy.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Garry And Julia's Big Day Out Pt 4: Orange Mist.
Fleeing along the slippery road at a great rate of knots after the scary encounter at the Contention Roadhouse Garry and Julia come to a steep hill, zoom up and coast down the other side, up and coast down a second steep hill. On the crest of the third steep hill their headlights fix upon an Orange Mist spread across the road at the bottom of the hill.
Now what's going on?, asks Julia.
Crikey that's very queer to come across Orange Mist in the middle of the bush could be a form of chemical gas, replies Garry.
I doubt it but i'm not surprised after all we've run into today this town of Contention is really weird.
Do ya want to keep going or turn back?.
Keep going what have we got to lose except our sanity.
Piercing the Orange Mist Garry and Julia's 4wd starts to cough and splutter then almost conks out. At the same instant the Orange Mist makes it way through the dashboard vents and Julia's open window creeping silently into their mouthes and noses causing psychodelic hallucinations of all colours and shapes along with abnormal creatures from another dimension.
Are you eyeballing what i'm eyeballing?. asks Julia.
Yeah!, its freaking me out big time, its without a doubt some form of chemical gas not of this world, replies Garry.
Wait a minute the Orange Mist seems to be drifting away because the psychodelic hallucinations are far and few between.
Crikey you're spot on it is drifting away and becoming less potent.
Bursting through the dense bush are a mob of seven foot tall albino turtles and they scurry upright on deformed human like limbs across the slippery road at the same time keeping there bright piercing pink eyes glued to the 4wd heading straight for them. Each albino turtle has huge razor sharp triangle teeth and they in their deformed human like limbs are ak-47 machine guns, rocket launches, hand guns and strapped to their albino shells are hand grenades and various other ammo in pouches.
Without warning Garry stamps down hard on the brake pedal causing all four wheels to lock up on the slippery road surface sending the 4wd into a 360 degree spin slides off the road slamming sideways into a channel spraying mud, stones, weeds and litres of putried water through the air along with the 4wd. After a few seconds pass everything comes back down to earth with a loud splat except for the 4wd which rolls twice and on the third roll gently kisses a very ancient redgum tree with its roof.
Lucky to be alive with only minor cuts, abrasions and bruising Garry and Julia crawl through the open passenger side window and jump down to the muddy ground.
What kind of driving do ya call that, you could have killed us both you idiot, just look at our brand new 4wd its a write off, screams Julia slumping to her knees onto the muddy ground sobbing.
Just be grateful we didn't end up as dinner for the mob of albino turtles about to scurry across the road, replies Garry.
Albino turtles?, what are you raving on about i didn't see a mob of albino turtles you are definitely losing your marbles.
I must've been hallucinating because they are nowhere to be seen like the Orange Mist.
During this emotional out burst Garry and Julia didn't notice a tilt-a-tray tow truck had pulled up and is shining one of three powerful spotlights mounted on its roof on them.
You folks ok over there?, asks Tara the driver who's also a female body builder with muscles on top of her muscles.
Yeah we're fine apart from some scratches, abrasions and bruising, says Garry.
How come you knew we were here?, asks Julia.
Around this time of the year the Orange Mist leaches out of the ground followed by a mob of albino turtles you seen them didn't ya that's why you both ended up over there.
Ya not wrong, replies Garry.
Ok i'll get you folks out of there and on your way sadly your 4wd is a write off.
Tara walks over to the crumpled wreckage with cable and hook in hand, grabs hold of the 4wd and gives it an almighty shove so it lands on all four wheels threads the cable and hook through its towing loops, winches the crumpled wreckage on to the tilt-a-tray, chains all four wheels to the tray and says, all is secure climb aboard and lets make tracks out of here with that all three pile into the cabin and trundle off down the road.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Now what's going on?, asks Julia.
Crikey that's very queer to come across Orange Mist in the middle of the bush could be a form of chemical gas, replies Garry.
I doubt it but i'm not surprised after all we've run into today this town of Contention is really weird.
Do ya want to keep going or turn back?.
Keep going what have we got to lose except our sanity.
Piercing the Orange Mist Garry and Julia's 4wd starts to cough and splutter then almost conks out. At the same instant the Orange Mist makes it way through the dashboard vents and Julia's open window creeping silently into their mouthes and noses causing psychodelic hallucinations of all colours and shapes along with abnormal creatures from another dimension.
Are you eyeballing what i'm eyeballing?. asks Julia.
Yeah!, its freaking me out big time, its without a doubt some form of chemical gas not of this world, replies Garry.
Wait a minute the Orange Mist seems to be drifting away because the psychodelic hallucinations are far and few between.
Crikey you're spot on it is drifting away and becoming less potent.
Bursting through the dense bush are a mob of seven foot tall albino turtles and they scurry upright on deformed human like limbs across the slippery road at the same time keeping there bright piercing pink eyes glued to the 4wd heading straight for them. Each albino turtle has huge razor sharp triangle teeth and they in their deformed human like limbs are ak-47 machine guns, rocket launches, hand guns and strapped to their albino shells are hand grenades and various other ammo in pouches.
Without warning Garry stamps down hard on the brake pedal causing all four wheels to lock up on the slippery road surface sending the 4wd into a 360 degree spin slides off the road slamming sideways into a channel spraying mud, stones, weeds and litres of putried water through the air along with the 4wd. After a few seconds pass everything comes back down to earth with a loud splat except for the 4wd which rolls twice and on the third roll gently kisses a very ancient redgum tree with its roof.
Lucky to be alive with only minor cuts, abrasions and bruising Garry and Julia crawl through the open passenger side window and jump down to the muddy ground.
What kind of driving do ya call that, you could have killed us both you idiot, just look at our brand new 4wd its a write off, screams Julia slumping to her knees onto the muddy ground sobbing.
Just be grateful we didn't end up as dinner for the mob of albino turtles about to scurry across the road, replies Garry.
Albino turtles?, what are you raving on about i didn't see a mob of albino turtles you are definitely losing your marbles.
I must've been hallucinating because they are nowhere to be seen like the Orange Mist.
During this emotional out burst Garry and Julia didn't notice a tilt-a-tray tow truck had pulled up and is shining one of three powerful spotlights mounted on its roof on them.
You folks ok over there?, asks Tara the driver who's also a female body builder with muscles on top of her muscles.
Yeah we're fine apart from some scratches, abrasions and bruising, says Garry.
How come you knew we were here?, asks Julia.
Around this time of the year the Orange Mist leaches out of the ground followed by a mob of albino turtles you seen them didn't ya that's why you both ended up over there.
Ya not wrong, replies Garry.
Ok i'll get you folks out of there and on your way sadly your 4wd is a write off.
Tara walks over to the crumpled wreckage with cable and hook in hand, grabs hold of the 4wd and gives it an almighty shove so it lands on all four wheels threads the cable and hook through its towing loops, winches the crumpled wreckage on to the tilt-a-tray, chains all four wheels to the tray and says, all is secure climb aboard and lets make tracks out of here with that all three pile into the cabin and trundle off down the road.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 066: Meadows.
Ripe alpine Meadows.
Encircled by waterfalls.
Wildflowers erupt.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Bulls, Hot Weather and a Rooster.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do Bulls drive their cars?.
A: They steer them!.
Q: Which breed of dog can't handle the Hot Weather?.
A: A faint bernard!.
Big Roger Rooster struts into the small hen house and squawks at Little Henrietta Hen, You haven't laid any eggs for a long time, so what gives?.
You don't come round much anymore that's what gives, so what did you expect an immaculate conception?, squawks Little Henrietta Hen hopping mad.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do Bulls drive their cars?.
A: They steer them!.
Q: Which breed of dog can't handle the Hot Weather?.
A: A faint bernard!.
Big Roger Rooster struts into the small hen house and squawks at Little Henrietta Hen, You haven't laid any eggs for a long time, so what gives?.
You don't come round much anymore that's what gives, so what did you expect an immaculate conception?, squawks Little Henrietta Hen hopping mad.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 065: Stalagmites.
In spacious grotto.
Stalagmites spring from the ground.
Like gnarled sentinels.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Stalagmites spring from the ground.
Like gnarled sentinels.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Body Parts: Noses.
There are noses and noses.
Bulbous and roman.
Pointy and petite.
Flat and squashed.
Dozy and shiny.
Some sniff.
Some are runny.
Some are snotty.
Some are snobby.
Other noses just smell.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Bulbous and roman.
Pointy and petite.
Flat and squashed.
Dozy and shiny.
Some sniff.
Some are runny.
Some are snotty.
Some are snobby.
Other noses just smell.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 064: Carpet.
Beyond the mountain.
On a magic Carpet ride.
Silver clouds arise.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
On a magic Carpet ride.
Silver clouds arise.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Pear, Envelopes and Fish.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What can't half A Pear do, what a whole Pear can?.
A: Look Around!.
Q: How do ya know Burt Blonde has been forwarding e-mails?.
A: When theirs a clump of Envelopes wedged in the disk drive!.
Q: Who do fish borrow money from?.
A: A loan shark!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What can't half A Pear do, what a whole Pear can?.
A: Look Around!.
Q: How do ya know Burt Blonde has been forwarding e-mails?.
A: When theirs a clump of Envelopes wedged in the disk drive!.
Q: Who do fish borrow money from?.
A: A loan shark!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 063: Stalactite.
Titanic cavern.
Ceiling tined with Stalactite.
Echo irate teeth.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Ceiling tined with Stalactite.
Echo irate teeth.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, October 07, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Mr Whippy.
Sunday morning at 11.30 am and Ruby Redhead's mobile phone starts chirping its her 95 year old Grandma who's in tears.
G' Day Grandma what's up, why are you crying?, asks Ruby.
I'm ringing to ask if you could please come over right away Grandpa passed away this morning from a heart attack.
That's to be expected being 97 years old, i'll be there in 15 minutes, says Ruby.
Racing through the front door Ruby pecks her Grandma on both cheeks while at the same time embracing her and asks, what caused Grandpa to have a heart attack?.
It happened early this morning while we copulating on the couch in the spare bedroom.
Ruby couldn't believe her ears and says, you two were having nookie on the couch in the spare bedroom when you're both close to 100 years old that is asking for trouble.
Absolutely not my child because many years ago when Grandpa and i started getting older we discovered we still had a robust nookie life and the ideal time to copulate was when the church bells started to chime it was the right rhythm, nice slow and easy, Grandpa went in on the ding and out on the dong it was heaven, Ruby just looked at Grandma gobsmacked and lost for words.
Grabbing a tissue from its box Grandma wipes away her tears and continues on, you know my child your Grandpa would still be alive and kicking today if that damned Mr Whippy ice cream van hadn't driven past at that exact moment blaring away with its jingle that was a faster rhythm than the church bells poor Grandpa got muddled up and started going faster in time with the rhythm of Mr Whippy's jingle and couldn't keep up that's why Grandpa had his heart attack, it was just to much for him!.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
G' Day Grandma what's up, why are you crying?, asks Ruby.
I'm ringing to ask if you could please come over right away Grandpa passed away this morning from a heart attack.
That's to be expected being 97 years old, i'll be there in 15 minutes, says Ruby.
Racing through the front door Ruby pecks her Grandma on both cheeks while at the same time embracing her and asks, what caused Grandpa to have a heart attack?.
It happened early this morning while we copulating on the couch in the spare bedroom.
Ruby couldn't believe her ears and says, you two were having nookie on the couch in the spare bedroom when you're both close to 100 years old that is asking for trouble.
Absolutely not my child because many years ago when Grandpa and i started getting older we discovered we still had a robust nookie life and the ideal time to copulate was when the church bells started to chime it was the right rhythm, nice slow and easy, Grandpa went in on the ding and out on the dong it was heaven, Ruby just looked at Grandma gobsmacked and lost for words.
Grabbing a tissue from its box Grandma wipes away her tears and continues on, you know my child your Grandpa would still be alive and kicking today if that damned Mr Whippy ice cream van hadn't driven past at that exact moment blaring away with its jingle that was a faster rhythm than the church bells poor Grandpa got muddled up and started going faster in time with the rhythm of Mr Whippy's jingle and couldn't keep up that's why Grandpa had his heart attack, it was just to much for him!.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 062: Wraithes.
Sorcerous Wraithes.
Take me beyond the mountain.
To the astral plain.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Crafty, Genes and a Letterbox.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a Crafty pig?.
A: A cunning ham!.
Q: Why was the dog called levi?.
A: Because he has good Genes!.
Burt Blonde and his best cobber Rusty Redhead are in the local cafe drinking coffee and eating salad rolls.
I tried to send an e-mail to my big brother yesterday and broke my lap top computer, says Burt.
How on earth did ya manage that?, asks Rusty.
When i tried to shove it through the Letterbox slot!, replies Burt.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya call a Crafty pig?.
A: A cunning ham!.
Q: Why was the dog called levi?.
A: Because he has good Genes!.
Burt Blonde and his best cobber Rusty Redhead are in the local cafe drinking coffee and eating salad rolls.
I tried to send an e-mail to my big brother yesterday and broke my lap top computer, says Burt.
How on earth did ya manage that?, asks Rusty.
When i tried to shove it through the Letterbox slot!, replies Burt.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 061: Pews.
Religious icons.
Decorate white chapel walls.
Sneer at scarred Pews.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Body Parts: Eyebrows.
There are Eyebrows and Eyebrows.
Black and gray.
Blonde and brunette.
Wiry and skinny.
Painted on.
Drawn on.
Tattooed on.
Stenciled on.
No two are alike.
Other Eyebrows are mono.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Black and gray.
Blonde and brunette.
Wiry and skinny.
Painted on.
Drawn on.
Tattooed on.
Stenciled on.
No two are alike.
Other Eyebrows are mono.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 060: Peaks.
Ringed by thick forest.
Lake of emerald waters.
Fed by snowcapped Peaks.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Antics, Candles and Flowers.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya get when ya cross fleas with tics?.
A: All types of Antics!.
Peter Patient says, Doctor, Doctor every time i eat birthday cake i end up with heart burn!.
Doctor Derek replies, before you eat the birthday cake remove the Candles first!!.
Q: Why are Flowers considered lazy?.
A: Because you always find 'em in bed!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What do ya get when ya cross fleas with tics?.
A: All types of Antics!.
Peter Patient says, Doctor, Doctor every time i eat birthday cake i end up with heart burn!.
Doctor Derek replies, before you eat the birthday cake remove the Candles first!!.
Q: Why are Flowers considered lazy?.
A: Because you always find 'em in bed!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 059: Terrain.
Satanic clouds burst.
Vicious rain plunges headlong.
Onto shorn Terrain.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Wheel Nuts.
Driving along a congested road in an unmarked police car endeavouring to locate a suspect drug pusher Senior Constable Bertha Brunette senses the steering has become a bit wonky and suspects a punctured tyre. She pulls into a busy hotel carpark, leaps out walks around to the front of the police car and just as she suspected the passenger side tyre has a puncture.
Now in huff she storms off to the rear of the police car opens the boot lid, removes the jack and wheel brace, wanders back to the front and attempts to remove the Wheel Nuts without much luck. Near boiling point and ready to explode she jumps on the police car radio and screams for assistance claiming the wheel brace doesn't fit the Wheel Nuts.
With siren wailing Inspector Ian who was in the neighbourhood on other police matters turns up minutes later. It didn't take very long for Inspector Ian to realize what the problem is with the wheel brace. Like most cars these days they have plastic wheel trims which have fake Wheel Nuts that's why the wheel brace wouldn't fit because the real Wheel Nuts are behind the plastic wheel trim.
When Inspector Ian explained to Senior Constable Bertha Brunette about the plastic wheel trims and fake Wheel Nuts she was totally lost for words, turned red as a beetroot and didn't know whether to crawl and hide under the police car or the nearest rock with embarrassment.
Came across this story in the newspaper and once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I reckon if you can't change a wheel on your own car you should learn how to. What about you can you change a wheel on your own car?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Now in huff she storms off to the rear of the police car opens the boot lid, removes the jack and wheel brace, wanders back to the front and attempts to remove the Wheel Nuts without much luck. Near boiling point and ready to explode she jumps on the police car radio and screams for assistance claiming the wheel brace doesn't fit the Wheel Nuts.
With siren wailing Inspector Ian who was in the neighbourhood on other police matters turns up minutes later. It didn't take very long for Inspector Ian to realize what the problem is with the wheel brace. Like most cars these days they have plastic wheel trims which have fake Wheel Nuts that's why the wheel brace wouldn't fit because the real Wheel Nuts are behind the plastic wheel trim.
When Inspector Ian explained to Senior Constable Bertha Brunette about the plastic wheel trims and fake Wheel Nuts she was totally lost for words, turned red as a beetroot and didn't know whether to crawl and hide under the police car or the nearest rock with embarrassment.
Came across this story in the newspaper and once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I reckon if you can't change a wheel on your own car you should learn how to. What about you can you change a wheel on your own car?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 058: Naked.
Riotous Naked flame.
Frolicing on pitch soaked torch.
Sparkling dank dungeon.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Geese, Pigs and a Ironing Board.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What happens when Geese land in an active volcano?.
A: They cook their own goose!.
Q: Why do Pigs have piggy banks?.
A: Because they don't use a mattress!.
Q: What is the difference between Betty Blonde and a Ironing Board?.
A: Its much harder to open the legs of a Ironing Board!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What happens when Geese land in an active volcano?.
A: They cook their own goose!.
Q: Why do Pigs have piggy banks?.
A: Because they don't use a mattress!.
Q: What is the difference between Betty Blonde and a Ironing Board?.
A: Its much harder to open the legs of a Ironing Board!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 057: Arena.
Gladiators strive.
In vast blood soaked Arena.
For brutal prestige.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Shimmering All The Time.
True friends are like diamonds.
Shimmering All The Time.
All are precious.
All are rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves.
Dreary all the time.
Very plain.
Very dry.
Scattered everywhere.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Shimmering All The Time.
All are precious.
All are rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves.
Dreary all the time.
Very plain.
Very dry.
Scattered everywhere.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 056: Stallion.
Standing 16 hands.
Fiery black Stallion rises.
Hooves mangulate the air.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Teenager, Children and One Buck.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is gods penalty for enjoying nookie?.
A: A Teenager!.
Q: What area of the school grounds do religious children play?.
A: The pray ground!.
Q: Why didn't Betty Blonde go to the cinema on One Buck night?.
A: Because the deer wouldn't fit into her hatchback!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What is gods penalty for enjoying nookie?.
A: A Teenager!.
Q: What area of the school grounds do religious children play?.
A: The pray ground!.
Q: Why didn't Betty Blonde go to the cinema on One Buck night?.
A: Because the deer wouldn't fit into her hatchback!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 055: Fragrance.
Cherry white petals floret.
Born below rich helios.
Delicate Fragrance wafts.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, September 09, 2011
Garry And Julia's Big Day Out Pt 3: The Roadhouse.
With the blazing sun slowly sinking behind a bunch of tall gum trees on the horizon, dark clouds drift across the sky and it starts pouring down with rain by the bucket full obscuring Garry's vision of the road, he turns on the windscreen wipers which make little difference, if any.
What a shocker that caravan park is, says Julia.
Ya not wrong at all simply gross, looks like this rain is never going to cease, in fact i'm having trouble seeing where i'm driving, says Garry.
Its definitely set in for the night, apart from the rain we still need to locate suitable digs for the night.
Down the road a piece the pouring rain eases turning into annoying drizzle. Around the next bend Garry and Julia come across a colourful flashing billboard that reads, Contention Roadhouse we sell petrol, diesel, hot & cold food and drinks with all amenities available.
Stop at the Contention Roadhouse so i can go to the loo first then with a bit of luck grab a meal without being mobbed by millions of flies like at the caravan park, that was really gross, yuk!.
Ok then that's a bonza idea, while you're in the loo i'll top up the tank with diesel just to be on the safe side.
Turning off the main road up a short wet concrete driveway just as the rain starts to become slightly heavier and at the same moment the wind picks up a bit.
Julia winds down her window in an attempt to glean a peek inside the Roadhouse and says, Looks deserted and creepy to me except for the fluorscent light tube flickering away.
There's no chance to fill up either because the diesel bowzer is padlocked tight as a drum, unless you can raise someone that has the key we'll have to make do with half a tank.
I'll make a bee line for those sliding doors, knock on 'em to ascertain if anybody's home that can help us.
Off you go but be careful you never know what's lurking around in the shadows.
Julia just stares at Garry with a smile on her dial, leaps out of the 4wd, bolts across the wet concrete driveway, up to the sliding doors, starts banging as hard as she can and at the same time yells, hello is anybody home?, waits a few seconds for a reply that never comes, she then places her face hard up against the window in an attempt to ensure that nobody is home.
Out of the gloom appear two demented rottweiler's with large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and are totally devoid of fur just bloody skin and bones and are sprinting straight for Julia viciously howling and snarling then launch themselves through the air crashing head first into the window knocking Julia off balance onto the wet concrete a bit shaken but not stirred.
Julia picks herself up takes a gander through the now cracked window and can't believe her eyes, crys out in terror, scarpers back to the 4wd, vaults feet first through the open passenger side window and shreiks at Garry to drive and says, the Roadhouse is guarded by two demented rottweiler's who have large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and have no fur just bloody skin and bones.
Crikey they sound very scary and gross, says Garry then plants the foot spinning the rear wheels all along the slippery concrete driveway and slides sideways onto the main road.
Take it easy will ya i want to get home in one piece, says Julia.
Ok i'll slow down just for you my love, says Garry and they continue on there way down the main road in the moonlight.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
What a shocker that caravan park is, says Julia.
Ya not wrong at all simply gross, looks like this rain is never going to cease, in fact i'm having trouble seeing where i'm driving, says Garry.
Its definitely set in for the night, apart from the rain we still need to locate suitable digs for the night.
Down the road a piece the pouring rain eases turning into annoying drizzle. Around the next bend Garry and Julia come across a colourful flashing billboard that reads, Contention Roadhouse we sell petrol, diesel, hot & cold food and drinks with all amenities available.
Stop at the Contention Roadhouse so i can go to the loo first then with a bit of luck grab a meal without being mobbed by millions of flies like at the caravan park, that was really gross, yuk!.
Ok then that's a bonza idea, while you're in the loo i'll top up the tank with diesel just to be on the safe side.
Turning off the main road up a short wet concrete driveway just as the rain starts to become slightly heavier and at the same moment the wind picks up a bit.
Julia winds down her window in an attempt to glean a peek inside the Roadhouse and says, Looks deserted and creepy to me except for the fluorscent light tube flickering away.
There's no chance to fill up either because the diesel bowzer is padlocked tight as a drum, unless you can raise someone that has the key we'll have to make do with half a tank.
I'll make a bee line for those sliding doors, knock on 'em to ascertain if anybody's home that can help us.
Off you go but be careful you never know what's lurking around in the shadows.
Julia just stares at Garry with a smile on her dial, leaps out of the 4wd, bolts across the wet concrete driveway, up to the sliding doors, starts banging as hard as she can and at the same time yells, hello is anybody home?, waits a few seconds for a reply that never comes, she then places her face hard up against the window in an attempt to ensure that nobody is home.
Out of the gloom appear two demented rottweiler's with large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and are totally devoid of fur just bloody skin and bones and are sprinting straight for Julia viciously howling and snarling then launch themselves through the air crashing head first into the window knocking Julia off balance onto the wet concrete a bit shaken but not stirred.
Julia picks herself up takes a gander through the now cracked window and can't believe her eyes, crys out in terror, scarpers back to the 4wd, vaults feet first through the open passenger side window and shreiks at Garry to drive and says, the Roadhouse is guarded by two demented rottweiler's who have large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and have no fur just bloody skin and bones.
Crikey they sound very scary and gross, says Garry then plants the foot spinning the rear wheels all along the slippery concrete driveway and slides sideways onto the main road.
Take it easy will ya i want to get home in one piece, says Julia.
Ok i'll slow down just for you my love, says Garry and they continue on there way down the main road in the moonlight.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 054: Swirling.
Onto derelict plage.
Obscured by dense Swirling mist.
Waves slosh over rocks.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Monday, September 05, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Horseshoe, One, and Elected.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What does it mean when you find a Horseshoe?.
A: Some poor horse is trotting around in his socks!.
Q: Why couldn't Betty Blonde write the number "Eleven"?.
A: She didn't know which "One" to write first!.
Q: Do ya know what is wrong with political jokes?.
A: They always get Elected!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What does it mean when you find a Horseshoe?.
A: Some poor horse is trotting around in his socks!.
Q: Why couldn't Betty Blonde write the number "Eleven"?.
A: She didn't know which "One" to write first!.
Q: Do ya know what is wrong with political jokes?.
A: They always get Elected!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 053: Patters.
Rain Patters on withered leaves.
Gurgles down stale derelict gutters.
Roads glisten beneath street lamps.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, September 02, 2011
Body Parts: Eyes.
There are Eyes and Eyes.
Blue and Brown.
Green and Grey.
Red and Black.
Some are blind drunk.
Some sparkle bright.
Others just see.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Blue and Brown.
Green and Grey.
Red and Black.
Some are blind drunk.
Some sparkle bright.
Others just see.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 052: Zephyr.
Moon glints off craggy seas.
Sails frolic in the offshore Zephyr.
Sailboats weave about.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Drawing Pin, A Knock, Knock and Skinnier.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What season is it when you sit on a Drawing Pin?.
A: Spring Time!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Claude.
Claude who?.
Claudework orange.
Burt Blonde and Rusty Redhead get together at the crowded local watering hole to discuss the poor health of their mutual cobber George Green.
I fear that George Green is going to pass away at anytime, if not next week, says Burt Blonde.
What in heavens name makes you so sure, asks Rusty Redhead.
Because he's gotton so skinny, you're skinny, i'm skinny but George Green is Skinnier than you and me put together.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What season is it when you sit on a Drawing Pin?.
A: Spring Time!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Claude.
Claude who?.
Claudework orange.
Burt Blonde and Rusty Redhead get together at the crowded local watering hole to discuss the poor health of their mutual cobber George Green.
I fear that George Green is going to pass away at anytime, if not next week, says Burt Blonde.
What in heavens name makes you so sure, asks Rusty Redhead.
Because he's gotton so skinny, you're skinny, i'm skinny but George Green is Skinnier than you and me put together.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 051: Fog.
Fingers of dense Fog.
Swirl around headstones and crypts.
In moon lit graveyard.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 26, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Hair Spray.
Grandpa George and Grandson Geoff are tilling the backyard vegie patch, when out of one corner of his eye Grandson Geoff spots a fat earthworm attempting to wriggle back into its tiny hole.
Grandson Geoff says, I bet you twenty dollars that i can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole.
Grandpa George replies, I'll take that bet because there's no way you can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole its to wiggly and floppy.
Grandson Geoff skedaddles inside Grandpa George's house and reappears moments later with a can of Grandma's Hair Spray, kneels down and gives the fat earthworm a liberal dose of Hair Spray until its straight and stiff as a board he picks it up and squeezes that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole. Grandpa George is gobsmacked hands over twenty dollars, grabs the can of Hair Spray, charges into the house like a bull in a china shop.
Once inside Grandpa George whips off his overalls, boots and boxer shorts, aims the can of Hair Spray at his shrivelled up willy and sprays away until its straight and stiff as a board, seizes Grandma Grace and gives her a seeing to on the cold kitchen floor.
Thirty minutes later Grandpa George wobbles out of the house with twenty dollars in his hand and gives it to Grandson Geoff who says, You've already paid me twenty dollars.
I know, this is from your Grandma Grace in appreciation and i'll tell ya this Hair Spray trick is out of this world and cheaper than viagra by a long shot.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Grandson Geoff says, I bet you twenty dollars that i can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole.
Grandpa George replies, I'll take that bet because there's no way you can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole its to wiggly and floppy.
Grandson Geoff skedaddles inside Grandpa George's house and reappears moments later with a can of Grandma's Hair Spray, kneels down and gives the fat earthworm a liberal dose of Hair Spray until its straight and stiff as a board he picks it up and squeezes that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole. Grandpa George is gobsmacked hands over twenty dollars, grabs the can of Hair Spray, charges into the house like a bull in a china shop.
Once inside Grandpa George whips off his overalls, boots and boxer shorts, aims the can of Hair Spray at his shrivelled up willy and sprays away until its straight and stiff as a board, seizes Grandma Grace and gives her a seeing to on the cold kitchen floor.
Thirty minutes later Grandpa George wobbles out of the house with twenty dollars in his hand and gives it to Grandson Geoff who says, You've already paid me twenty dollars.
I know, this is from your Grandma Grace in appreciation and i'll tell ya this Hair Spray trick is out of this world and cheaper than viagra by a long shot.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 050: Massacre.
Rebel militia.
Massacre village children.
Diamonds stained with blood.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Footy, Flashes, Pudding and Pie.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What lights up a Footy ground?.
A: A Footy match!.
Q: What happens when you cut the tail off a glow worm?.
A: It Flashes!.
Georgie porgie Pudding and Pie.
He snogged the lasses and made 'em cry.
When the chaps came out to play.
He would snog them to.
Georgie was funky that way.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What lights up a Footy ground?.
A: A Footy match!.
Q: What happens when you cut the tail off a glow worm?.
A: It Flashes!.
Georgie porgie Pudding and Pie.
He snogged the lasses and made 'em cry.
When the chaps came out to play.
He would snog them to.
Georgie was funky that way.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 049: Graveyard.
Stark Graveyard meadow.
Enclosed by wrought iron fence.
Weed filled hillocks encompass.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Self Cannibalism.
New Zealand man Simon finished work at midnight and half an hour later walked through the front door of his flat feeling a bit depressed and decided to cook himself a meal hoping it would cheer him up. First of all Simon grabbed a packet of stir fry vegetables from the fridge, a chinese wok from the cupboard, placed it on the gas stove, emptied the entire packet of stir fry vegetables into the wok, added a pinch of salt and pepper, a splash of olive oil. Then walked from the kitchen to the laundry where the freezer is kept, opened the door looking for packs of meat or chicken and discovered he'd run out, then in a rage spat the dummy walked back to the kitchen opened the nearest draw looking for a shoe lace.
At the bottom of the draw he found a shoe lace, tied it around his pinky finger to act as a touriquet, grabbed a large meat cleaver stuck on a magnetic untensil strip fixed to the wall. With knuckles pushed up hard against the edge of the kitchen bench with the pinky finger extended on top and other fingers below the bench top pointing towards the floor and still grasping the large meat cleaver Simon raised it above his head, swung down in a short vicious arc severing his pinky finger which slid across the bench top. Simon reached across, picked it up and dropped it into the wok, cooked it until it was golden brown with the stir fry vegetables sat down and dined on the flesh. Simon enjoyed eating the pinky finger so much he planned to dine another two severed fingers the very next day.
Instead of dining on another two severed fingers Simon sought medical treatment and was diagnosed with moderate symptons of depression which included a rare case of self cannibalism according to a New Zealand Psychiatrist.
Came across this story which actually happened in the newspaper, once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I don't know about you but i couldn't in my wildest or bizarre dreams ever sever one of my own body limbs cook and eat it no matter what the circumstances no way. Could you sever one of your own body limbs cook and eat it?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
At the bottom of the draw he found a shoe lace, tied it around his pinky finger to act as a touriquet, grabbed a large meat cleaver stuck on a magnetic untensil strip fixed to the wall. With knuckles pushed up hard against the edge of the kitchen bench with the pinky finger extended on top and other fingers below the bench top pointing towards the floor and still grasping the large meat cleaver Simon raised it above his head, swung down in a short vicious arc severing his pinky finger which slid across the bench top. Simon reached across, picked it up and dropped it into the wok, cooked it until it was golden brown with the stir fry vegetables sat down and dined on the flesh. Simon enjoyed eating the pinky finger so much he planned to dine another two severed fingers the very next day.
Instead of dining on another two severed fingers Simon sought medical treatment and was diagnosed with moderate symptons of depression which included a rare case of self cannibalism according to a New Zealand Psychiatrist.
Came across this story which actually happened in the newspaper, once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I don't know about you but i couldn't in my wildest or bizarre dreams ever sever one of my own body limbs cook and eat it no matter what the circumstances no way. Could you sever one of your own body limbs cook and eat it?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 048: Laughter.
Howling at the moon.
Demented sounds of Laughter.
Screaming haunted ghosts.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Broomsticks, Orange and a Sermon.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do wicked witches navigate their Broomsticks?.
A: By witchful thinking!.
Q: What makes a goldfish Orange?.
A: Rusty water!.
Standing at the pulpit a priest is finishing off his temperance Sermon with great passion and says to his parishioners, If i had every drop of wine, whiskey and beer i'd tip them all in the nearest river!!!.
With the Sermon finished another priest stands at the pulpit with a big smile on his dial and says, The final hymn of the morning will be hymn 365, we shall all gather at the nearest river!!!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do wicked witches navigate their Broomsticks?.
A: By witchful thinking!.
Q: What makes a goldfish Orange?.
A: Rusty water!.
Standing at the pulpit a priest is finishing off his temperance Sermon with great passion and says to his parishioners, If i had every drop of wine, whiskey and beer i'd tip them all in the nearest river!!!.
With the Sermon finished another priest stands at the pulpit with a big smile on his dial and says, The final hymn of the morning will be hymn 365, we shall all gather at the nearest river!!!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 047: Cylindrical.
Underground river.
Speeds through Cylindrical walls.
Darkness envelopes.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Body Parts: Heads.
There are Heads and Heads.
Round and Square.
Flat and Pointy.
Hairy and Bald.
Some carry brains.
Some have empty spaces.
Others are just for hats.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Round and Square.
Flat and Pointy.
Hairy and Bald.
Some carry brains.
Some have empty spaces.
Others are just for hats.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 046: Beams.
Beams in the window.
Tiny slivers to the sky.
Stairway to darkness.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday and Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Monday, August 08, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Salesperson, A Knock, Knock and Boots.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What's A Salesperson doing when they move their lips?.
A: Telling a porky!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Bone.
Bone who?.
Bone upon a time!.
A lad stood on the burning deck.
His feet were covered in big blisters.
For he had no Boots of his own.
So he had to wear his sister's.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What's A Salesperson doing when they move their lips?.
A: Telling a porky!.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Bone.
Bone who?.
Bone upon a time!.
A lad stood on the burning deck.
His feet were covered in big blisters.
For he had no Boots of his own.
So he had to wear his sister's.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 045: Tornado.
Surging cool water.
Glides beneath warmer water.
Spawning Tornado.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday and Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Glides beneath warmer water.
Spawning Tornado.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday and Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Garry & Julia's Big Day Out Pt 2: Thunder Box.
Slowly driving through the crossroad of life in the deserted town of Contention, Julia spots a giant colourful road sign encouraging visitors to spend the night at the Contention Caravan Park which has all modern facilities and is 10 Kms down the newly re-surfaced road.
How about we stay overnight at the caravan park then continue on our way in the morning, says Julia.
Bonza idea we both need a meal and a hot shower, i know i do, replies Garry.
Branching off the main road and onto the caravan park's driveway, surmounting several zebra speed humps along the way, they finally arrive at the main reception area, pull into the carpark, decamp from their 4wd, enter the spacious reception area where they are greeted by the elderly owners Ollie and Olive.
What can we do for you young love birds on this fine day?, asks Ollie.
We'd like a cabin for the night with a hot shower and a home cooked meal if possible, first of all point me in the direction of your Thunder Box, asks Julia.
Ollie points his finger at the back door and says, go through the back door out into the overgrown backyard and you'll spot the Thunder Box at the end of the gravel path.
Julia walks through the back door, spots the gravel path leading up to a decrepit Thunder Box which looks like it came out of noah's ark standing smack bang in the middle of the overgrown backyard. Julia makes her way down there but in a matter of a few minutes she's back and says, i can't use that the flies are thick as thieves in there i couldn't even open the door.
Glancing at the wooden wall clock Ollie says, in about five minutes i'll be ringing the dinner bell and then all the flies will gather in the dining room then it should be safe for you to go, Garry and Julia look at each other with disgust and flee for their lives, jump into their 4wd and take off burning rubber out of the carpark back down the driveway at such a great rate of knots that they become airbourne over every zebra speed hump then turn on to the main road and speed off directly into the dazzling hazy sunset.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
How about we stay overnight at the caravan park then continue on our way in the morning, says Julia.
Bonza idea we both need a meal and a hot shower, i know i do, replies Garry.
Branching off the main road and onto the caravan park's driveway, surmounting several zebra speed humps along the way, they finally arrive at the main reception area, pull into the carpark, decamp from their 4wd, enter the spacious reception area where they are greeted by the elderly owners Ollie and Olive.
What can we do for you young love birds on this fine day?, asks Ollie.
We'd like a cabin for the night with a hot shower and a home cooked meal if possible, first of all point me in the direction of your Thunder Box, asks Julia.
Ollie points his finger at the back door and says, go through the back door out into the overgrown backyard and you'll spot the Thunder Box at the end of the gravel path.
Julia walks through the back door, spots the gravel path leading up to a decrepit Thunder Box which looks like it came out of noah's ark standing smack bang in the middle of the overgrown backyard. Julia makes her way down there but in a matter of a few minutes she's back and says, i can't use that the flies are thick as thieves in there i couldn't even open the door.
Glancing at the wooden wall clock Ollie says, in about five minutes i'll be ringing the dinner bell and then all the flies will gather in the dining room then it should be safe for you to go, Garry and Julia look at each other with disgust and flee for their lives, jump into their 4wd and take off burning rubber out of the carpark back down the driveway at such a great rate of knots that they become airbourne over every zebra speed hump then turn on to the main road and speed off directly into the dazzling hazy sunset.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 044: Voices.
Deranged demon speaks.
In psycho nightmare Voices.
In my garbled skull.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday and Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
In psycho nightmare Voices.
In my garbled skull.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday and Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Monday, August 01, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Boxer, Scent And Ears.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Burt Blonde says, Did ya know my younger brother Ben is a professional Boxer?.
No i didn't which division does he compete in, heavyweight?. asks Rusty Redhead.
No featherweight, he tickles his opponents into submission, replies Burt Blonde.
Q: What happened to the skunk who sat on a fan?.
A: He got cut off without a Scent!.
Q: How much does a pirate fork out to have his Ears pierced?.
A: A buckaneer!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Burt Blonde says, Did ya know my younger brother Ben is a professional Boxer?.
No i didn't which division does he compete in, heavyweight?. asks Rusty Redhead.
No featherweight, he tickles his opponents into submission, replies Burt Blonde.
Q: What happened to the skunk who sat on a fan?.
A: He got cut off without a Scent!.
Q: How much does a pirate fork out to have his Ears pierced?.
A: A buckaneer!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 043: Cavern.
Oval shape Cavern.
Vaulted antechamber of gushing water.
Damp stalactite covered ceiling.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Vaulted antechamber of gushing water.
Damp stalactite covered ceiling.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Friday, July 29, 2011
A Fake And A Fraud.
A spanish bloke received a photo of his lovely wife with her wrists and ankles tied to a steel framed plastic chair with a text message on his mobile phone demanding one hundred thousand dollars ransom for her safe return and a warning not to involve the police in anyway otherwise his lovely wife would be terminated and her corpse buried in a shallow grave off the beaten track.
A few hours past by after he contacted the police when a police patrol car spotted the kidnap victums white BMW convertible with red leather bucket seats and trim being driven in the opposite direction by a sheila. Making a u-turn and giving chase the police patrol car followed her into the extremely expensive but popular shopping mall carpark in the tourist town of Gandia on the spanish mediterrean coast.
When the white BMW convertible finally came to standstill the police pounced only to discover the sheila sitting behind the steering wheel was none other than the kidnap victim herself and promptly arrested her for faking her own kidnapping and taken to the police station for questioning. At first the sheila told police she had been released by her kidnappers that morning. Under intense pressure the sheila confessed the kidnapping was A Fake And A Fraud conjured up by her because she wanted to know what her husband would be willing to sacrifice for her and their marriage after 30 years.
Another dumb crime that actually happen, all the people and places are real. Bad luck played a roll, because the wife got caught and confessed to faking her own kidnapping when she could have kept quiet and would have got away with it and no-one would have been the wiser. Instead she has to pay a servere penalty for her dumb crime all in the name of love or was there something more sinister at play here. Would you go to this extreme?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.
A few hours past by after he contacted the police when a police patrol car spotted the kidnap victums white BMW convertible with red leather bucket seats and trim being driven in the opposite direction by a sheila. Making a u-turn and giving chase the police patrol car followed her into the extremely expensive but popular shopping mall carpark in the tourist town of Gandia on the spanish mediterrean coast.
When the white BMW convertible finally came to standstill the police pounced only to discover the sheila sitting behind the steering wheel was none other than the kidnap victim herself and promptly arrested her for faking her own kidnapping and taken to the police station for questioning. At first the sheila told police she had been released by her kidnappers that morning. Under intense pressure the sheila confessed the kidnapping was A Fake And A Fraud conjured up by her because she wanted to know what her husband would be willing to sacrifice for her and their marriage after 30 years.
Another dumb crime that actually happen, all the people and places are real. Bad luck played a roll, because the wife got caught and confessed to faking her own kidnapping when she could have kept quiet and would have got away with it and no-one would have been the wiser. Instead she has to pay a servere penalty for her dumb crime all in the name of love or was there something more sinister at play here. Would you go to this extreme?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
**Join me tomorrow for another Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then**.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)