A Bonza Jest: Hen Pecked.

Over the course of a week the entire population of Mother Earth kicks the bucket from a volitant contagion and everybody ends up in heaven. A few hours later a Devine Being turns up perched on a cloud, decamps and says, would all the men form two lines. One line will be for the men who dominated their wives or girlfriends. The second line is for the other men who were Hen Pecked by their wives or girlfriends, also all the wives and girlfriends are to leave with St Peter right away.

After all the wives and girlfriends have disappeared with St Peter the Devine Being ogles the two lines of men and notices the line where the men who were Hen Pecked stretches as far as the eye can see. On the second line are the men who dominated their wives or girlfriends and only one man is standing in that line and he is Burt Blonde.

Shaking his head in disgust the Devine Being says, stone the crows, all you men should be ashamed of yourselves for being Hen Pecked by your wives or girlfriends. Cast your peepers on the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud and learn from him.

The Devine Being strides over to Burt Blonde and asks, tell me your name my son?.
Its Burt Blonde, replies Burt.
Tell me Burt, how come you are the only man standing in this line?.
Before my wife left with St Peter she said i was to stand in this line or else!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.   

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Humpless, Jogging and A Chinese Restaurant.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do ya call a humpless camel?.
A: Humphrey!.

Q: What is the definition of macho?.
A: Jogging home after a vasectomy!.

Q: What would ya call A Chinese Restaurant at Ayers rock?.
A: Ayers wok!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in the closet
everytime she took it out
there was a tiny deposit!.

Sail a small boat
down the meandering river
fish in the teeming rain
cherish the green grass
worship the waters
that offer their purity.

Polly put the kettle on
it fitted her to a tea
then she mumbled to herself
how am i gunna pee!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Toilet.

Like a Toilet door
My heart is scribbled over
with foul grafitti.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Dinner, Drumsticks and Too Far To Walk.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What type of food is Daisy Dogs favourite?.
A: Everything on your Dinner plate!.

Q: What do ya get when ya cross a chicken with a centipede?.
A: Enough chicken Drumsticks to feed a small army!.

Driving along a wide dusty track deep in the Aussie Outback are Burt Blonde and Rusty Redhead when all of a sudden their ute conks out.

How far do ya reckon it is to the next town?, asks Rusty.
About 100 clicks give or take a coupla clicks, replies Burt.
Crikey!, that is much Too Far To Walk.
What do you suggest we do then?.
I know we can each walk 50 clicks then it won't seem so far!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Would a fly be called walk if it had no wings?.

Is there any such thing as mouse flavoured cat food?.

We all know Superman can stop a bullet, so why does he duck when a bad guy throws the gun at him?.

What is the speed of dark?.

I hope to live forever, so far, so good!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Wine.

Dark musty cellar
Ancient bottles of red Wine
Kip on robust racks.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown ups. Today I'm Featuring: Idiots, Ginormous and Legless.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do men act like Idiots?.
A: Who says they're acting!.

Q: Which breed of bird delivers Ginormous babies?.
A: Frankenstork!.

While on my morning walk the other day i came upon our local bottle shop. Stuck to the window was a advertising poster for Victoria Bitter Beer and Carlton Draught Beer which reads:
Take away
6 pack $12.50
Slab $41.00
(Full members only)?.
The last bracketed line reads like you have to be Legless to make a purchase. What do ya reckon?.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Autopsy.

Its Friday afternoon at the Contention Medical College when the bell sounds for the end of last period. Excitedly the medical students start packing away their books and laptops when their teacher Dr. Terry Trumpet says, ok class before you home for the weekend, first thing Monday morning you'll be conducting your first ever Autopsy, now off ya go and enjoy ya weekend.

Without a second thought the medical students pile out of the classroom, some go their individual ways, others in groups. After tidying up his cluttered desk Dr. Trumpet closes and locks the classroom door, ambles down the crowded corridor packed with students, through the main doors out into the car park, jumps into his brand new 4WD, fires up the engine and crawls through the packed car park and out onto the congested road.

At the end of the road the traffic lights wink green so he continues on until he reaches the halfway point of the intersection where a bus running a red light cleans him up sending him skating on four wheels across the intersection, slamming side on into a large sturdy gum tree where he passes away from his injuries.

In the classroom Monday morning the medical students are gathered eagerly waiting for their class to begin when Dr. Tony Trumpet enters and says, i'll be your teacher for the rest of the year in place of my brother who passed away from his injuries in a car accident last Friday afternoon. I believe my brother was to instruct you all on how to perform an Auotspy. Would Stan and Sally please go to the walk in freezer and return with a cadaver so we can make a start.

Decamping from their stools Sally and Stan amble through the large swing doors, along the brightly lit corridor, enter the walk in freezer and grab the first trolley they come to and return to the classroom, coming to a halt beside the nearest examination table where the cadaver is lifted off and gently placed on the table.
Gather round everyone so we can make a start, says Dr. Trumpet who then grabs one corner of the crisp white sheet covering the cadaver and flings it off only to discover to everyones shock and horror that the cadaver lying on the table is none other than the medical students former teacher and Dr. Trumpets later brother Terry.

A few moments go by when two students faint on the spot, three others race over and spew into the nearest sink, everyone else stands around gawping in disbelief like stunned mullets. Quick as a flash Dr. Trumpet snaffles up the discarded sheet and covers his brother cadaver. After everyone has picked themselves up off the floor and finished spewing in the sink Dr. Trumpet says, i reckon we'll call it a day and start a fresh first thing tomorrow.

This incident actually happened in Europe. The real parts are the medical students and their teachers cadaver. Once again my Bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces like the car accident, Dr. Tony & Terry Trumpet and the students reaction. How would you feel if this incident happened to you?.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.      

True Blue Haiku: Mature.

Apple tree in bud
Fully Mature red apples
Plummet to the ground.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

Willy was showing off his sashes
when he fell into the fire
and was burnt to grey ashes.
After a while the room
grew kinda chilly billy
but no-one dared
to nudge poor Willy.

Mary had a little lamb
the doctor nearly fainted!.

When ya take a peek
inside this stellar book
and on this page
you frown
don't forget the soul
who spoilt this
stellar book by
writing everything 
upside down.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For That reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?.

We all know nothing sticks to Teflon, so how does Teflon stick to the fry pan?.

Why can't we shoot tourists when its tourist season?.

What do ya call a male Ladybird?.

Why are there locks on shop doors that are open 24/7, 365 days of the year?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Mushroom.

I'll perish alone
My blood will Mushroom and spill
On some obscure hill.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Soup, Road and Chess.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What variety of Soup are skeletons partial to?.
A: A Soup with heaps of body!.

Q: Why did Duke Dog cross the Road?.
A: Because Cleo Chicken had the day off!.

The sun is peeping over the horizon and Jade Juniper is out on her early morning jog through the Contention Botanical Gardens when she comes across Terry Trumpet playing Chess with Chloe Cat and says, i can't believe my eyes, i must be dreaming a cat that plays Chess, what a clever animal, what is your cats name?.

Its Chloe and she's not really that clever at all because i'm beating her six games to one, replies Terry.
Well Chloe still beat you in one game now that's what i call a clever animal, replies Jade, then contunies on her jog along the footpath.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Heaven Is Close To Full Today.

Standing in line at the pearly gates of heaven waiting to enter are Tom, Dick and Harry when word filters down the line that its been a hectic day and Heaven Is Close To Full Today. After St Peter had a yarn with St Christopher about this problem it was decided that people who snuffed it horribly would enter first.

St Peter ambles through the pearly gates, coming to a halt in front of Tom and says, because Heaven Is Close To Full Today we are only accepting people who have snuffed it horribly to enter first so please tell me your story.

For sometime i've suspected that my wife has been unfaithfull so today i snuck home early to try and catch her in the act. After entering our 20th floor apartment i had a strange feeling something was not right. I started searching our apartment from floor to ceiling but i couldn't find where this bloke was hiding. The only place i hadn't searched was the balcony, sure enough, there was this bloke hanging off the balcony railing 20 floors above ground level.

I cracked a wobbly and started laying into this bloke but he wouldn't let go, then i thought of the large wooden fork hanging on the kitchen wall, i grabbed it, raced back out onto the balcony and started stabbing his fingers with it, which did the trick, he let go and plummeted 20 floors, landing on a garden bed chock-a-block with dense native bushes and survived.

Seeing that he survived i cracked an even bigger wobbly. I ran back into the kitchen grabbed the fridge, chucked it over the balcony railing cleaning him up big time and he snuffed it on the spot. Sadly for me the high amount of stress, anger and anguish got the better of me and i snuffed it on the balcony from a heart attack.
Crikey!, that is horrible, you may enter heaven, says St Peter.

After a short break St Peter signals the next in line to step forward. Dick ambles forward and halts in front of St Peter who repeats what he said to Tom and asks Dick to tell him his story.

I live on the 21st floor of my apartment block and every morning i excerise out on the balcony. All of a sudden i find myself hanging off the 20th floor balcony railing how i ended up there is a mystery to me. Anyway i was struggling to hang on when this bloke burst onto the balcony, straight away i thought i was saved, no such luck, because this bloke starts laying into me, until he ran back inside and returned with a large wooden fork and starts stabbing my fingers with it. Naturally i couldn't hold on any longer and let go ending up in a garden bed chock-a-block with dense, sturdy native bushes and survived although a bit wobbly. Suddenly out of the blue comes this fridge cleaning me up big time so i snuffed it on the spot.
Stone the crows!, that is horrible and it does sound familiar, all the same you may enter heaven, says St Peter.

After another short break St Peter signals the next in line to step forward. Harry ambles forward and halts in front of St Peter who repeats what he said to Tom and Dick and then asks Harry to tell him his story.

Just visualize i'm hiding in a fridge............
Shaking his head and raising his hand to stop Harry from proceeding any further St Peter says, Hang on i know what ya gunna say. You were hiding in a fridge when you were chucked off a balcony 20 floors up, am i correct?.
You're spot on , how did ya know?, asks Harry.
Lets just say i have the nose that knows, you may enter heaven, replies St Peter.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Mad.

City of Mad souls.
Pass through the rivers of light.
Into the blackness.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?.

If late night snacks are bad for ya, why is there a light in the fridge?.

Why are wrong numbers never busy?.

Is there anything civil about a civil war?.

Wear short sleeves and support your right to bare arms!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands!.

Until next time jolly pondering.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Brook.

Graceful bubbling Brook.
Where tumbling water races.
Over cool dark rocks.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

The elephant is a petite bird
It flies from bough to bough
Nests in a tall sturdy gum tree
And moos like an old cow.

Mary had a little lamb
You've heard it all before
But did ya know that
Mary passed her dinner plate
And had a tiny bit more.

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas
Taste kinda funny
But it keeps 'em
on the knife.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Currents.

Birds glide through the sky
On placid thermal Currents
Feathered wings unfurled.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Growns Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: T-L-C, A Can Opener and Same Birthday.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What does it mean when you come home to a man who gives you plenty of T-L-C?.
A: You are probably in the wrong house!.

Q: Why was the black knight running around asking for a Can Opener?.
A: Because he had an angry wasp in his suit of armour!.

Larry Lavender's girlfriend Emma Eagle and his father Lou Lavender share the Same Birthday, thirty years apart.

For Emma Larry bought her a bottle of very expensive french perfume and his father Lou a glock pistol.

After wrapping both presents Larry wrote on one birthday card "Use this all over yourself and think of me" then stuck it on his fathers present!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Goodbye.

Each day of sorrow
Bears me closer to Goodbye
I'll lay down and die.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Proxy Father.

Unable to conceive and after much debate Paddy and Pam Purple decide to use a Proxy Father to start a family because Paddy is shooting blanks. On the day the Proxy Father is due to turn up Paddy kisses Pam and says i'm off to work the Proxy Father should be here shortly.
Yes he will be isn't it exciting, replies Pam.

Fifteen minutes later Phil Photographer from the Contention Photographic Studio whose a door to door baby photographer rings the door bell hoping to make a sale. Pam decamps from the couch to answer the door.

G' Day, would you be the lady of the house?, asks Phil.
Yes i am, replies Pam.
You don't know me but i've come to..........
There is no need to explain i've been waiting for you.
Really!, well good, i've made babies my speciality for many years.
That is what my husband Paddy and i are banking on, please come in and pull up a chair, ok so where abouts do we start?.

I suggest we start with two in the bathroom, one on the couch, a couple on the bed and on the lounge room floor where you can really spread yourself out.
I'd really like to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.
A man in my line of work must try several positions and take his time, ideally i'd like to be in and out in five minutes but i reckon you'd be saddened with that.
Ya not wrong at all.

Opening his briefcase Phil pulls out a portfolio of his recent baby photos and says, this one was taken on top of a double decker tourist bus in the middle of Contention City as you can see the twins turned out really well considering their mum was very awkward to work with, handing Pam the photo.

Crikey!, awkward to work with you say.
Yep!, that she was, i finally had to take her to the Contention Botanical Gardens to get the job done right come to think about it, it was a real nightmare with people crowding around gawping.
How long did it last for?.

I'd say at least three hours or more because the mum was constantly squealing, yelling and moaning i could hardly concentrate on the job to top it all off darkness started to descend so i had to rush to finish it. But the last straw was when possums started to nibble on my equipnment so then i knew it was time to pack it in for the day.

Strewth!, the possums actually nibbled on your er...., um...., ah...., equipnment!.
Yep, absolutely. If you are ready now i'll amble out to my van and grab my tripod and set up in the bathroom.
Why do ya need a tripod?.
I've always used a tripod to rest my Canon on because its too big for me to hold while i'm preparing myself for action!.
Gobsmacked Pam faints on the couch with Phil trying in vain to revive her.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.   

True Blue Haiku: Candle.

Starlight radiates
Like a fervid Candle flame
Across the cosmos.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Fisherman, Sheets and Breathing.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: How does a Fisherman take home his catch?.
A: In a eel-barrow!.

Q: What did Gertrude Ghost tell her son Gary Ghost before he went out to play?.
A: Don't get ya sheets wet!.

Doctor, doctor i'm having a bit of trouble with my Breathing, what can be done about it?.
I'll prescribe some medication that'll put a stop to that!, replies Doctor Derek.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Who says nothing is impossible, countless folk achieve it everyday!.

Is killing time a crime?.

Should a word be misspelled in a dictionary, how would ya know?.

Why do ya need to use sterilised needles for a lethal injection?.

If you're in the underworld and berko at someone, where do you tell them to go?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Glacial.

Broad river runs deep
Adam's ale Glacial as ice
Born from mountain snow.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Witty Answering Machine Messages.

If you're a cat burglar then we're probably at home cleaning our arsenel of weapons and are unable to answer the phone, or else we aren't home, so its ok to leave a message!.

Twinkle twinkle little star
How i wonder who you are?
Leave your message after the beep
I'll call you back before you sleep.

Greetings, you have contacted the Clairvoyant Detective Agency. We know who you are and what your game is, so at the sound of the tone, just hang up!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Eyes, Swallow and Shampoo.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do women rub their Eyes in the morning?.
A: Because they don't have knackers!.

Why did ya Swallow ya lunch money?, asks Emma Eagle.
Well you did say it was my lunch money, replies Eugene Eagle.

Sitting in the leather bound barbers chair in the newly renovated Contention Barber Shop is Rusty Redhead whose having a haircut, when he notices that Basil Barber has filthy hands.
How come ya hands are so filthy?, asks Rusty.
Well sir no-one has come in for a Shampoo yet!, replies Basil.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Hailstones.

Dainty Hailstones drip
Shimmering like diamonds
Across the azure.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Laughing stock: A mob of cattle with a sense of humour!.

Why do psychics always ask your name?.

The only place you can pick your nose and not offend anybody is in the plastic surgeons office!.

If everything seems to be going alright, maybe you've failed to notice something!.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

Smiles are free
use one everyday.

While at school i learned this
little ditty to help me remember
scientific names and formulas.
Little Brian is on the floor.
Little Brian is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was actually H2SO4.
For those who have forgotten
H2SO4 is Sulphuric Acid!.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was full of fleas.
But did ya know the little mite
had foot and mouth disease!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Loud, Potatoes and A Miss.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is green and very Loud?.
A: A frog horn!.

Q: Why do dentists like Potatoes?.
A: Because they are so filling!.

Doctor, doctor i'm a bit concerned, says Paul Patient.
What are you concerned about?. asks Doctor Derek.
My wife Paula Patient has black hair like me, but our son Petro Patient popped out with a mop of red hair, do ya think something is a miss?.
Not at all.
Why not?
How many times a year do you have nookie?.
About six times.
Well then that's the answer.
Pray tell!.
You're just a little rusty!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Steak Sandwich.

Spotting his bus flying past the foggy window of the Contention Fish 'N' Chip shop and pulling up at the bus stop to let off a few passengers. Josh Juniper quickly stuffs his Steak Sandwich into his backpack, slings it over his shoulder, barges through the door, sprints along the footpath toward the bus stop in a vain attempt to catch his bus before it takes off without him.

All of a sudden the bus takes off in a cloud of thick diesel smoke much to the dismay of Josh who slows down to walking pace and ends up leaning against a bluestone wall along side the bus stop which prevents anyone from falling off the footpath and into the shallow muddy creek below. A few moments pass by Josh remembers his Steak Sandwich is still in his backpack, he fumbles around, finds it amongst all the other junk, rips open the white paper bag and begins to munch away with a passion.

Strolling along the footpath from the opposite direction is Grandma Grace whose out walking Frenchy her much loved white french poodle. She comes to a halt  at the bus stop, where Frenchy sniffs the air and gets very excited at the smell of Joshs Steak Sandwich. He wanders over, plonks himself in front of Josh whinning and looking up at Josh with sad hungry eyes and then starts dry humping Joshs leg much to his disgust.
Hey lady do ya mind if i toss him a bit?, asks Josh.
Not at all, replies Grandma Grace.

Where upon Josh grabs Frenchy by the scruff of the neck and tosses him over the bluestone wall and into the muddy shallow creek below.
What did ya do that for ya mongrel?, screams Grandma Grace.
He was annoying me and you said it would be ok to toss him a bit, so i did.

Furious she storms over to Josh, kicks him in the shin with her steel toed jackboots. While Josh is hopping around on one leg grasping his painful shin, she lets fly with her heavy leather handbag smacking him right across the side of the head sending Josh sprawling in a heap onto the footpath.

Meanwhile Frenchy, covered in black, smelly mud from head to paw has clambered up the muddy creek bank, squeezes through the gap between the bluestone wall and the neighbouring fence, scrambles up to Grandma Grace, then they both wander along the footpath toward home.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

True Blue Haiku: Hungry.

Ferocious vampires
Cry out in the moonless night
Hungry for fresh blood.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Would you get a rash of good luck, if you crossed a four leaf clover with poison ivy?.

How do ya know when you've run out of invisible ink?.

Is a turtle homeless or naked, if he/she doesn't have a shell?.

Would milk dribble out of a cows nose, if she laughed vigorously?.

I have a soft spot for helpless animals, especially when served with vegies and gravy!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Pennies, Live Longer and Pain In The Neck.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why does the taste of Pennies remind you of having a tooth extracted?.
A: Nasty taste left in your mouth!.

Doctor, doctor If i give up smoking, wine, women and song will i live longer?, asks Paul Patient.
Not really, it'll just seem longer, replies Doctor Derek.

Q: Why doesn't dracula have many cobbers?.
A: Because he's a Pain In The Neck!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke. 

True Blue Haiku: Faith.

With Faith in our hearts
Our love will last forever
When we're far apart.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

May there be
ample clouds in
your life to make
a divine sunset.

Mary had a little lamb.
Its tail was emerald green
and everywhere that
Mary went it left
a tiny jelly bean.

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped
over the candlestick.
The flame burnt
so very bright
it scorched his bottom
serve him right.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

The Future.

Yellow sun
Red sun.
Mystic moon
Speckled moon.
Blue sky
Dark sky.
Pouring rain
Acid rain.
Typhoon wind
Cyclonic wind.
Green grass
Green leaves.
Red earth
Brown earth
Grey earth.
Toxic pollution.
Dead planet.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Before the drawing board was invented, what did the people go back to?.

If you crossed an electric blanket with a toaster, would you pop out of bed quicker in the morning?.

If space is supposed to be a vacuum, who changes the bags?.

Would you get an eggsplosion if you fed gunpowder to a chicken?.

All those people who believe in psychokinesis please raise my hand!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Snappy, An Entry And The Couch.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: When is a chihuahua good at taking photos?.
A: When they are in a Snappy mood!.

Q: Who was the worlds first accountant?.
A: Adam, he turned a leaf and made An Entry!.

Doctor, doctor, why do i keep thinking i am a dog?, asks Peter Patient.
Ok, jump up on The Couch and we'll discuss it, replies Doctor Derek.
But, i'm not allowed on The Couch!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Hiatus.

I'll be taking a Hiatus for a little while, so until i return stay safe.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Mouth Wide Open.

In a panic, Paula Patient jumps into her car, barrels down the highway to the Contention Clinic in the hope of consulting Doctor Derek without an appointment. Paula parks her car, storms through the front sliding doors, up to the reception desk where Nurse Nadia is perched on her chair sorting through a stack of paper work and asks, how can i help you?.

I would like to speak with Doctor Derek right away, replies Paula.
Nurse Nadia decamps from her chair, ambles down a short hallway, lightly taps on the consulting room door which is flung open by Doctor Derek who asks, what seems to be the problem nurse?.

Paula Patient has just turned up in a panic wishing to speak with you right away, you have no other patients for at least another hour or so.
If that is the case show her in.

Nurse Nadia ambles back to the reception desk and escorts Paula to the consulting room where she plonks herself on a cold hard plastic chair in front of Doctor Derek who asks, what are you panicking about?.

My husband Peter Patient sleeps with his Mouth Wide Open and he swallowed a tiny white mouse, what can i do?.
That's easy, do you fish?.
Yes, but what has fishing got to do with it?.

All ya gotta do is tie a tiny piece of tasty cheese to a length of fishing line, lower it into Peter Patients mouth, as soon as the tiny white mouse chomps down on it reel the fella out.

I'll do that after i've bought a can of sardines from the Contention Supermarket.
What on earth do you want a can of sardines for?.
Didn't i tell ya, i've gotta get fluffy the cat out first!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Can a dumb person be a smarty pants?.

Are you going the wrong way, if everything is coming your way?.

How can ya draw a blank?.

If i have an open mind, will my brain tumble out?.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and was ya hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Birth Control, Stealing and a Burial Plot.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do solicitors use for Birth Control?.
A: Their obnoxious personalities!.

Q: Why does the government jail people for Stealing?.
A: To eliminate the competition!.

For a number of years George and Grace Greens marriage has been on the rocks, when George realises its Graces birthday tomorrow so he wanders down to the Contention Cemetary to buy her a Burial Plot.

Next day George hands Grace all the paperwork for the Burial Plot and wishes her a happy birthday. After reading the paperwork through, Grace throws it back in Georges face and storms off in a huff.

Twelve months down the track Graces birthday rolls around again with no present in sight from George.
How come ya didn't buy me a birthday present this year?, asks Grace.
Because you didn't use last years present i got ya!, replies George.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts
shot up its back
turning its wool
to nylon!.

Spring has sprung
the grass has rizz
i wonder where
all the peoples is!.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her brother killed it dead.
Now that lamb goes
to school with Mary
between two bits of bread!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

If Aussies chuck rice at weddings, do Asians chuck meat pies?.

Why is it when a door is open, its ajar, but when a jar is open its not a door?.

Why do men drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding?.

When you strangle a Smurf, what colour does it turn?. 

Do umpires really care which team wins the game?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Last Year, Sunburnt and First Car.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why did the auditor cross the road at the same place?.
A: Because he did it Last Year!.

Q: What is black, white and red all over?.
A: Sunburnt nuns!.

Wandering around the Contention City Caryard which sells both new and used cars is Ruby Redhead whose buying her very First Car and really doesn't have a clue what type of car she wants.

Do you want a four or six cylinder car?, asks Stewart Salesman.
Actually i'm not rolling in cash at the moment so i'll take four now and come back later for the other two!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Witty Answering Machine Messages.

Twinkle, twinkle little star.
Betcha can't guess where we are?.

G' Day! Ruby's toaster speaking, her brand spanking new answering machine has cracked a wobbly and is in the repair shop. Please leave a message when the toast is done!.

No!, no!, not that, anything but that
not the beep, no!, please i beg you
not the beep, anything but the beep
AAA, IIII, EEEEEEEEEEEE!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunnny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

When dog food is new and improved, who does the taste test?.

If excuses are like bottoms and everyones got 'em, do they all pong?.

Why do banks call it instant credit, when it really means instant debit?.

I poured spot remover on my dog Spot, now he's disappeared!.

Why are fast reflexes a substitute for good manners?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash your hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.  

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: The Deck, Directions and Riddle Me This.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why couldn't Ruby Redhead play cards on her world ocean cruise?.
A: Because the captain stood on The Deck!.

Q: If Burt Blonde and Rusty Redhead happen to fall off a tall building at the same time, who would slam into the footpath first?.
A: Burt Blonde, because Rusty Redhead would stop and ask for Directions!.

Riddle Me This.
For some i go to fast, for others i'm slow.
To most people i'm an obsession.
Relying on me is a well practiced lesson.
What am i?.


Scroll down for a clue.


Nearly there.



There's not enough of me in the day sometimes.
Leave your answer in comments.
I'll post the answer in comments Thursday Morning.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

The boy stood on
the burning deck
playing a game
of cricket.
The ball flew down
his trouser leg and
hit his middle wicket!.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was
black as soot.
And into Mary's
bread and jam
he put his
sooty foot!.

You are only
as old as
you feel.
Think old and
you'll die young.
Think young and
you'll live longer!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny  Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

The Energizer Bunny was arrested last night and charged with battery!.

Is Santa Claus always a jolly old fella because he knows where all the naughty girls live!.

Black holes are where God divided by zero!.

Its a know fact that some people have a photographic memory so where do they insert the film?.

If all is not lost, where did it go?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash your hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Swarm, A Nun and Religious.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is the most terrifying thing A Swarm of accountants can do?.
A: Gang audit someone!.

Q: What is black and white, black and white, black and white?.
A: A Nun rolling down a hill!.

Q: How do ya get a Religious movement?.
A: By drinking holy water and castor oil!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: White Piece Of Cord.

Its tea time at the Contention Italian Restaurant which is packed to the rafters with diners that are piling in by the truck loads. Perched on a chair with his bowl of minestrone soup in front of him is Dean Diner whose about to take a slurp of soup from his soup spoon when a drunken diner, stumbles knocking the soup spoon from his hand and sending it soaring across the table and onto the dirty floor.

Hovering close by is Wilbur Waiter who notices the kerfuffle, he ambles over and produces a clean soup spoon from his trouser pocket and places it on the table beside the bowl minestrone soup.
Dean thanks Wilbur for his prompt service then asks, tell me why do you waiters carry soup spoons in your trouser pockets?.

Its a well known fact that one in four diners drop their soup spoons on the dirty floor just like you. We carry them in our trouser pockets so we don't waste time running back and forth to the kitchen to collect a clean soup spoon everytime, will that be all sir?.
Actually no, i've noticed that you and all the other waiters have a White Piece Of Cord dangling from your trouser flies, what's the idea behind that?.

A survey recently conducted in our restaurant revealed that waiters can save more time and serve more diners if we don't wash our hands after going to the dunny, instead we all decided to tie a White Piece Of Cord to our willies and pull it out of our trousers so we don't contaminate our hands.

During this time Deans slurps another spoonful of minestrone soup and says, i see your point, what baffles me is how do you place your willy back in your trousers?.
I can't speak for the other waiters, i just use a soup spoon to scoop my willy back inside my trousers.
Stunned Dean drops his soup spoon on the dirty floor and says, that's scandalous, you can now get me another clean soup spoon directly from the kitchen this time thank you.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke. 

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

If all the world is one big stage, where are the people sitting?.

Shin - A gadget for finding furniture and anything else in the dark!.

Is beauty in the eye of the beer holder?.

For Sale: Parachute, one owner, only used once, never opened, small stain!.

Do ya reckon its true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?.

What did God do when he rested on the seventh day?.

When you decamp from the Dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash your hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Frozen, An Egg and Further Away.

So wrap ya laughing gear around the lot and enjoy the ride.

Waiter, waiter this ceaser salad is Frozen solid, says Dean Diner.
Yes sir, its the iceberg lettuce that does it, replies Wilbur Waiter.

Q: What is a unidentified flying omelet?.
A: An Egg from outer space!.

At the Contention City Council Larry Lavender lands a job as a road line painter.
On his first day Larry paints a line five kilometres long, two kilometres long on the second and only one kilometre long on the third day.

Your getting worse each day cobber, screams Fred Foreman.
That's because the paint bucket gets further and further and Further Away from me each day!, replies Larry.

Join me next Thursday Morning for Perched On The Dunny Pondering, it'll rattle ya brainbox big time, see ya then.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
 

Funky Anagrams.

What is an Anagram?, its a word or phrase which the letters are rearranged to form another word or phrase.

Rearrange EVENGELIST and you get: EVIL'S AGENT.

Rearrange FUNERAL and you get: REAL FUN.

Rearrange PARIS, FRANCE and you get: A FINER SCRAP.

Rearrange SPICE GIRLS and you get: PIG SLICES!.

Rearrange I HATE SCHOOL and you get: OH SO ETHICAL!.

Rearrange PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA and you get: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS!.

Join me next Thursday Morning for Perched On The Dunny Pondering, it'll rattle ya brainbox big time, see ya then. 

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0112: Beginning.

In the Beginning.
In a world devoid of light.
There was only night.


I'll be resting Fair Dinkum Haiku for now.
Instead join me next Thursday Morning for Perched On The Dunny Pondering, see ya then.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Cake, Shells and Around The Twist.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Which Cake wanted to rule the world?.
A: Attila the bun!.

Q: How do snails get their Shells so shiny?.
A: With snail polish!.

Doctor, doctor can ya help me?, i keep having these alternating recurring dreams, says Paula Patient.
Ok tell me about you dreams, replies Doctor Derek.
First i'm a tee pee, then a wig wam, then a tee pee again, then a wig wam again, and so on, its starting to drive me Around The Twist.
You know what your problem is?.
No!.
You're twotents!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
Coming soon Perched On The Dunny Pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Witty Answering Machine Messages.

(Just imagine this being said in a Darth Vader voice) Speak!, ya worm!.

G' Day, Wilburs answering machine is on the blink, this is his fridge speaking, please speak very slowly and i'll stick your message to myself with one of those sticky yellow post it notes!.

Now i lay me down to sleep
leave your message after the beep.
Should i pass away before i wake
please remember to erase the tape!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.
Coming soon Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0111: Depraved.

With my loveless heart.
Scared and alone in the dark.
I've Depraved myself.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Legs, Custard and A Parking Space.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is a sentrypede?.
A: A security guard with a hundred Legs!.

How disgusting there's a fly in my Custard, screams Deanna Diner.
I'll fetch him a spoon, replies Wilbur Waiter.

Jade Juniper is running late for the Contention Country Womens Association monthly meeting and is having no luck locating A Parking Space.

Looking toward the heavens Jade cries out asking the lord to locate her A Parking Space and says, I promise cross my heart that i'll attend mass every sunday and never ever sin again for the rest of my life.

Then lo and behold A Parking Space turns up out of no where. 
Never mind lord cancel that, i've found A Parking Space!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.  

A Bonza Jest: White Collar Crime.

Everyone is seated in court room 13 in the Contention Court House waiting for the jury to return and deliver its verdict in the case against Daniel Dandelion whose a stockbroker and is on trial for fraud and insider trading.

After many hours of deliberation the jury have finally reached a verdict and are now rolling into court room 13 and have been seated in the jury box.

Judge Judith Juniper asks, How do you find the accused Daniel Dandelion on the charge of fraud?, guilty or not guilty?.

Rising from his seat is George Green the jury foreperson and replies, we the jury find the accused Daniel Dandelion guilty as charged your worship.

How do you find the accused on the charge of insider trading?, guilty or not guilty?.
Guilty as charged your worship.

Would the prisoner please rise and do you have anything to say?.
No your worship.
Very well i sentence you to 5 years in gaol with a minimum of 3 years in the Contention Prison.
Five hours later Daniel arrives at the Contention Prison in a cramped prison van and is hustled through the usual checks, changes into prison garb, then escorted by a prison guard to his shared prison cell where he will spend the next 3 years of his life.

Nervous, Daniel is shoved into his shared prison cell by the prison guard who in turn slams the cell door shut with a loud clang.
Lying on one of the two beds with his hands behind his head is Ralph Rose. A scruffy looking fella covered in tatts with a mean scar face and balding head.

So what are you in for mate?, asks Daniel.
Just like you i'm in here for a White Collar Crime too, replies Ralph.
I'm in here for fraud and insider trading of which i'm innocent.
Yep, this place is full of innocent people.
What type of White Collar Crime are you convicted of?.
Nothing classy as you, i just tortured and bumped off two paedophile men of the cloth who molested and abused me when i was a little tacker for many, many years while in their care.
They got what they deserved is that what your saying?.
Absolutely spot on cobber.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.       

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0110: Hurst.

Potted fern forest.
Merges with banksia Hurst.
Clotted with spent cones.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Tails, War and A Light Bulb.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do dogs wag their Tails?.
A: Because no one else will do it for them!.

Q: How does a octopus go to War?.
A: Well armed!.

Q: How many members of a political party does it take to change A Light Bulb?.
A: A spokesperson said, we are not at liberty to comment on exact numbers at this time!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Enchanted Wonderland.

I'm a little bit weary.
Feeling kinda fuzzy
need to rest my
bloodshot, bleary eyes.
When i go into my
deep slumber
i dream of an
Enchanted Wonderland.

In my dream i'm
strolling along a
chocolate block path
surrounded by
licorice twist trees.
A carpet of fairy
floss lawn.
Bushes of swirling
rainbow lollipops
on a stick.
Giant pock-marked
gobstopper rocks.
Pint-sized pearly
stones spread
all around.

I raise my head
toward the skies
and spot to my
delight and bliss
a egg yoke sun
shining through
marshmallow clouds.
Hordes of chattering
purple baby dragons
gliding across
blueberry skies.
Hanging faintly
on the horizon a
tinged and elegant
banana moon
smiling at me.

At the end of the
chocolate block path
i gaze in wonder at
the gingerbread
house before me.
Up the cobbled jelly
bean path i stroll,
peek through the open
window and behold
gingerbread dwarves.
A fairy godmother with
delicate icing sugar wings.
A wizard grasping a
pretzel wand.
Children playing
games with glee
i think this a place
i wanna be for all
lifes eternity.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0109: Ocean.

Hypnotic swells reel.
Onto seductive sand dunes.
From stellar Ocean.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Two Fingers, Milk, And The Vegetable?.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: How does a bogan call his dog?.
A: He puts Two Fingers in his mouth and shouts here fella!.

Q: How did Burt Blonde injury himself drinking Milk?.
A: The cow fell on him!.

Its Dean and Deanna Diners 20th wedding anniversary and they are celebrating this milestone at the Contention Hotel with a quiet counter meal together when Deanna asks, what's on special today?.
There is chicken parmagiana or grilled whiting, replies Wilbur Waiter.
I'll have the chicken parmagiana.
And The Vegetable?.
Oh!, he'll have the grilled whiting!.

Until Next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Bonza Jest: Obsessively Materialistic.

Driving down the clogged street in his brand spanking new Lexus is Jack Juniper whose a very successful bank manager and is on his way to show off his pride and joy to his work colleagues.

Parking outside the Bank Of Contention Jacks opens the drivers side door and is collected by a fully loaded 10 tonne lorry which rips the door clean off sending it skittling along the street scape. Straight away Jack grabs his mobile phone and speed dials the emergency services.

Within minutes Senior Constable Lucy Lavender turns up in her unmarked police car. Before Lucy can ask Jack any questions, Jack starts to snivel and says, will ya look at my gorgeous brand spanking new Lexus i just picked today, its a write off, it'll never ever be the same again no matter what the panel beaters do to repair it.

Flabbergasted by Jacks outburst Lucy says, Crikey!, I can't believe how Obsessively Materialistic you people can be, your so focused on material possessions you fail to see the bigger picture.
What do you mean by that remark?.
Don't you realise your right arm has been severed below the elbow, must've been severed when that 10 tonne lorry collected you.
Stone the crows!, where's my $15,000 gold rolex watch gotten to?.
Blimey!, why were you wearing your gold rolex watch on your right arm instead of you left?.
So i could dangle my right arm out the window to show it off to everyone.
Yep!, that figures.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0108: Tundra.

Penguins vacillate.
Across the icy Tundra.
Seeking tasty snacks.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Knocker, Sniffs and A Knock, Knock.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why did the scientist install A Knocker on her door?.
A: So she could win the no-bell prize!.

Q: What is a bud hound?.
A: A breed of dog that Sniffs out new flowers!.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?.
Aardvark a million miles for you!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Crestfallen.

On a dark and stormy night
the wind roared
the rain poured
thunder rumbled
lightning flashed.
Water dashed
passed a Crestfallen
middle aged man
who was soaked
to the skin, tired
and worn out.

His body tormented
his mind riddled with
nightmarish visions
of death and
destruction on
the desolate
battlefields of
a brutal Iraq.

In his anguish he
took refuge from
the stormy night
and his nightmarish
visions in a copious
drain pipe, where
he laid his head
down and slept
the sleep of
the dead.

It was in that
copious drain pipe
he was swamped
by torrents of
gushing water.
Its where he expired.
Verdict was he suicided.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0107: Realm.

Oppressive salt air.
Cobalt aqua to the Realm.
Hypnotic waves purl.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: The Constitution, Drooling and Night After Night.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Did ya know ghosts are protected by the Constitution?, asks Betty Blonde.
I didn't know that, replies Ruby Redhead.
Yep, its called the bill of frights!.

Q: If an accountant is Drooling out of both sides of her mouth what does it mean?.
A: It means her desk is level!.

Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me, says Paul Patient.
Ok, what seems to be the problem?, asks Doctor Derek.
I keep having the same weird dream Night After Night.
Tell me about your weird dream?.
There's a door with a sign on it, so i push with all my might and it won't open.
What does the sign on the door say?.
Pull.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

A Celestial Body.

Gawking through binoculars
at a stellar glow
in the night sky.
It whirls like
A Celestial Body
revolving in orbit
in the vast milky way
illuminating the night sky.

Perched on the grassy
banks of the Contention
River, i see beyond
the ferigate a 
stellar glow of 
A Celestial Body
flittering real slow
athwart the night sky.

Upright on a warehouses
corrugated rusty
iron roof
once again i spot that 
stellar glow in 
the night sky.
I climb down via an old
rusty steel step ladder
drop to a cold, dank
laneway floor
between two warehouse
brick walls where
ghoulish shadows rule.

My coursing footsteps
echo off the dank
slimy brick walls.
I turn the corner
into another laneway
only to discover my
stellar glow is not
A Celestial Body
at all, but a whirligig
fixed upon a dirty,
smelly old white
garbage truck!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 0106: Mirror.

I'll be watching you.
Like a ghost in the Mirror.
I'll be haunting you.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Bow Wow, Echo, and Entire Week.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Teresa Teacher asks Prunella Pupil, What is the outside of a tree called?.
I don't have any idea, replies Prunella.
Bark Prunella, bark Prunella!.
Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow!.

Open wide, wider, good grief!, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, you have the largest cavity i've ever come across in my life, says Declan Dentist.

Crikey!, doc i'm scared out of my wits as it is without you saying it twice.
I didn't say it twice that was the Echo!.

Strolling through the crowded Contention City Shopping Complex are Betty Blonde and Ruby Redhead who says, lets challenge ourselves not to spend any money for the Entire Week.
Ok, i'm up for the challenge, then we can meet in a couple of days time for lunch and compare notes, replies Betty Blonde.

Ruby Redhead couldn't believe what she just heard and stares furiously at Betty Blonde.
I thought we could have a pizza and a cuppuccino that's all realising her mistake.
I know we'll become hermits for the Entire Week, lock ourselves in our wardrobes sending the occasional text.
That could work!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.