Thursday, October 28, 2010

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, Raisin Bread, Lipstick, And A Outside Dunny (Toilet).

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Dean Diner says, Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in my vegetable soup.
Wilbur Waiter replies, I find that hard to believe sir, because they were all used in the Raisin Bread this morning!.

Q: Why doesn't Betty Blonde wear red Lipstick?.
A: Because red means stop!.

On a dark and stormy night.
The outside Dunny light was dim.
I heard a loud crash.
I heard a big splash.
My God, Grandma's fallen in!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Gambling Play Area For Kids.

Approval has been given by gambling regulators for parents, grandparents to bring their children, grandchildren to a pokies venue in the Melbourne suburb of Beaconsfield and dump them in a fully enclosed play area with soundproof glass with a direct view into the gaming area. Using this play area is nothing more than a cheap babysitter and encourages chronic gambling.

Problem gambling is bad enough, it ruins lives, causes family breakdowns, by allowing this to go ahead it sends a message that it's ok to gamble and basically normalises chronic gambling. Parents, grandparents should be at home looking after their childrens basic needs and not feeding money into the one arm bandits, then whinge because they have no money left and expect everyone else to pick up the tab for their chronic addiction it's a disgrace.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Bonza Jest: Natural Buoyancy.

There's this bar on top of a tall skyscraper on the outskirts of Melbourne where this Bloke is drinking heavily and asks, the skinny blonde barmaid for another shot of Bundy Rum, he skulls it, walks slowly towards the balcony and leaps off. Returning a few minutes later in the lift, he repeats the same act a few more times.

Being slightly tipsy Rusty Redhead walks up to the Bloke and says, how can you leap off the balcony then return without a scratch or mark on you?. The Bloke says, it's like this, the shot of Bundy Rum provides a Natural Buoyancy so when i'm falling and just as i'm about to strike the ground i land gently, you should give a go.

Rusty Redhead thinks about it for a minute or two, decides to give it a go. He walks up to the bar and asks the skinny blonde barmaid for a shot of Bundy Rum, he skulls it, runs full pelt for the balcony and leaps off, crashes head long into the ground splattering himself all over the landscape. Skinny blonde barmaid says to the Bloke, You're a real mongrel when you're drunk Superman!.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Yummy Sandwich, A Fridge And An Old Wooden Canoe.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What does a Mouse Sandwich look like?.
A: White on the outside, grey and furry on the inside!.

Q: What's the difference between a single man arriving home and a married man arriving home?.
A: When the single man arrives home he looks in the fridge finds nothing, then goes to bed!.
When the married man arrives home he looks at what's lying in the bed, goes to the fridge and grabs a six pack of beer!.

Two Indigenous people are sitting in a old wooden canoe in the middle of a lake fishing, when suddenly the wind picks up and they start to feel a bit chilly.
So they decide to light a fire in the old wooden canoe, not surprisingly it sinks straight to the bottom of the lake, proving once again, you can't have your old wooden canoe and "heat it to!".

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Road Closure Signs.

Driving across the Aussie Outback can be dangerous at anytime it's even worse when you come across a clown in his Toorak Taxi using an untrustworthy G.P.S. unit to guide the way and at the same time ignoring road closure signs warning you that the road is closed because of heavy rainfall. This clown kept on going in the direction the G.P.S. unit directed him to go and because of the wet and slippery conditions he drove his Toorak Taxi off the road and became bogged up to it's axles. It was 4 days before rescue could arrive.

Your not driving in the suburbs anymore and you can't call roadside assist to come to your rescue straight away and winch your Toorak Taxi out of the bog because you chose to ignore the road closure signs, you clown.

G.P.S. units can't be trusted in situations like this when traveling somewhere you haven't been to before on unfamiliar roads or no roads at all just like in the Aussie Outback. You can be easily led astray with a disasterous outcome, as what happened in this case.

Before you set off it's a good idea to carry a decent road map and learn how to read it. Check out the local weather and road conditions by asking people with local knowledge of the area is even better than a G.P.S unit. Take note of road closure signs as they are there for your benefit they are telling you of a hazard up ahead so you don't get into trouble like this clown did. G.P.S. units can't be trusted all of the time.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Bonza Jest: Dinner Dance.

A well off middle class couple are preparing to attend a Dinner Dance so they give their Butler Hugh the evening off because they won't be home until early next morning and hope Hugh will enjoy his evening off.

After downing an enormous amount of alcohol and suddenly not feeling to crash hot the Wife decides to wander off home early leaving her Husband behind to party on with his friends. As she stumbles into the house she sees Hugh the Butler sitting on the couch in the lounge room watching t.v. and asks him to come into the master bedroom.

When Hugh the Butler enters the master bedroom the Wife says, i want you to take off my dress, high heels, stockings, garter belt, bra and panties and lay them neatly folded on the bed. With both of them breathing heavily and the sexual tension rising the Wife says, "Next time i catch you wearing my clothes you're fired!."
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Randon Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Supermarket, Whiskey And The Pearly Gates Of Heaven.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Betty Blonde walks into a supermarket and buys 1 kg of washing powder, packet of 6 bath soaps, 8 pack of yoghurt and 2 kgs of oranges.
She then rolls up to the express lane register.

Colin the Checkout Bloke says, Your single aren't you?.
Betty Blonde Replies, Is it that obvious by what i've bought?.
Colin the Checkout Bloke replies, No, it's because you're so damned ugly!.

On a dark and stormy night.
The rain fell in my whiskey glass.
It really dampened my spirits.

Billy Bloke dies and straight away heads for the Pearly Gates of Heaven where St Peter says, I've been checking my records and i can't find a single good deed that you've done for you to enter Heaven.
What do you mean? asks Billy Bloke, What about the time i saved the little old lady from being bashed by a group of drunken louts then told 'em to pick on somebody their own size and they did.

St Peter asks, When did this happen?.
Billy Bloke Replies, Oh, about ten minutes ago!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Medieval Punishment.

John and Jane Doe were caught on camera hugging and kissing in a public mall and were arrested and charged by the religious police with immoral movements and mingling with unrelated persons in a public place and thrown into prison.

I reckon this law was made up by somebody or a mob of people so bitter, twisted, jealous and frustrated that they are not capable of showing affection of any kind towards other people. Really they have spoiled it for everyone else no matter what the result and need to grow up and get a life.

John Doe was convicted and sentenced to 6 months in prison, banned from visiting public malls for 2 years and "90" yes "90" lashes, dished out in a bunch of 30 lashes each time for taking part in this outdated and trivial crime.

Jane Doe will be tried in a another court i suspect she'll be convicted and punished and not be heard from again or be let off scott free with only a slap on the wrists for taking part in this outdated and trivial crime. A seperate court for woman no equality here.

The person or mob responsible should be widely condemed for allowing this medieval, barbaric and brutal punishment to continue for such an outdated and trivial crime. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.