Monday, November 29, 2010

Dead Possum Tossing Contest.

On New Zealand's North Island school teachers are encouraging primary school children to enter a dead possum tossing contest. The contest is staged in the grounds of Colyton school where students toss, swing or hurl dead possums around the school grounds. I fail to see the educational value in this contest and it is nothing more than cruelty to animals.

This contest is sending the message that's ok to abuse animals whether dead or alive and teachers involved should have disciplinary action taken against them or be terminated on the spot, it's a disgrace.

Not only is this contest morally wrong and archiac but which animal will be next to suffer the same fate, cats, dogs, birds, or any other animal close by at the time. The mind boggles as to why the teachers allowed this contest to go ahead in the first place as they themselves are role models for primary school students and should be condemed and forced to stand in the naughty corner and have a really good think about their appalling behaviour.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Fair Dinkum Haiku 03: Scarecrow.

Clothes stuffed with old straw.
Scarecrow hangs on wooden cross.
Hungry crows afraid.

(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring, A Singing Syndrome, Heaps Of Rubble, and Delicious Fruit.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Peter Patient says, Doctor, doctor i can't stop humming the green green grass of home.
Doctor Derek replies, Sounds like you've got Tom Jones syndrome.
Peter Patient asks, Is it a common syndrome?.
Doctor Derek replies, It's not unusual!.

Q: What do Fred Flintstone and Saddam Hussein have in common?.
A: When they both look out their windows the see Rubble!.

Tim Teacher asks, If i had five pears and subtracted three, How many would i have left?.
Prunella Pupil replies, I don't know.
Tim Teacher asks, Why not?.
Prunella Pupil replies, Because we do our math only with apples and oranges!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Tiny Tale: Lorry.

After loading pallets stacked with boxes of fresh fruit and vegetables onto to his second hand poorly maintained 6 tonne white Lorry, Liam tied down the pallets to the flat tray bed with woven nylon rope, when all was secure he jumped into the drivers seat, fired up the turbo charged diesel engine, rammed the gearbox into first gear, popped the clutch, drove slowly through the busy fruit and vegetable market shed out the wide doors and main gates, turned left onto the wet and slippery, fog bound highway heading north west of Melbourne to the family owned and run green grocery shop.

Parking the 6 tonne white Lorry outside the family owned and run green grocery shop on a crest of a steep hill , Liam cut the diesel engine, placed the gearbox in neutral, engaged the the cable handbrake which is rusted part the way through and dangling by one rusty thread of wire, removed the ignition key, locked the steering wheel so the front wheels are pointing straight ahead down the steep hill, jumped out and started undoing the woven nylon rope securing the pallets in readiness to unload them by forklift.

Grabbing the forklift key off a hook, he trundled out of the shop with the forklift and started unloading the pallets one by one. When it came down to the final pallet, Liam misjudged the distance between the forklift and Lorry slamming into it's side causing it to rock violently from side to side, vibrating the rusty handbrake cable causing the dangling single thread of wire to snap.

When Liam reversed away from the Lorry, it took off down the steep hill, out of control, gaining speed along the way, racing towards a wooden bridge spanning a canal, it mounted the bridge crashed through the rotten timber railing, flipped upside down landing on the front of a wooden scow just as it emerged from under the wooden bridge sending both straight to the muddy bottom of the canal's cold murky waters. Liam turned up out of breath a few seconds later, but all he could do was stand on the canal bank scratching his head wondering what to do next.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Fair Dinkum Haiku 02: Flame.

Vibrant candle Flame.
Scatters darken shadows on the walls.
Melting wax coursing.

(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Bonza Jest: Angels Flying Around The Room.

Betty, Beatrice and Bertha Blonde are attempting to change a blown light globe in the large lounge room, when Beatrice Blonde decides to ring the emergency services for help.
Beatrice Blonde says, we are three blondes attempting to change a blown light globe.
I see replies the Consultant, you've screwed the new light globe into the socket?.
Yes replies, Beatrice Blonde.
The electricity is switched on?, asks the Consultant.
Of course yes, Beatrice Blonde replies.
The light switch is turned on?, the Consultant asks.
Yeah, yeah, Beatrice Blonde replies.
The Consultant says, and the light globe dosen't light up?.
No, it's working really well, replies Beatrice Blonde.
Frustrated the Consultant asks, so how can i help you?.

The three of us got dizzy spinning around on the ladder screwing in the light globe, we fell off and banged our heads on the floor and now we're seeing angels flying around the room!.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Left With A Complete Stranger.

A mother left her six year old son with a complete stranger on board a bus which was stopped by police so they could arrest her for shoplifting items from the local pharmacy. The mother was seen boarding the bus with two children but only had one child with her when she was arrested.

The police and the mother both failed in their duty to protect both children by allowing her six year son to be handed over to a complete stranger on board the bus therefore endangering the child's safety and welfare, who knows what the complete stranger would have done with him. Both mother and the police should be condemned for their actions or lack of them.

It was a happy ending though because the mother gave the complete stranger her son's mates address and asked that he be dropped off there. He was dropped off at his mates place to relief of his mother and police when they went to pick him up, he was unharmed, very lucky indeed.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

A Bonza Jest: Outback Pub.

Jim Jackaroo and Eddie Emu walk into a Outback Pub and they both sit down at the crowded bar and proceed to get plastered. After numerous pots of beer Eddie Emu passes out on the sticky wooden floor. Stunned Jim Jackaroo leaps up off his bar stool and heads straight for the door.

This action prompts the obese blonde barmaid to scream, Hey! cobber you can't leave that lyin' there.
Jim Jackaroo replies, that's not a lion, it's a Emu! then disappears through the squeaky front door, mounts his horse and rides off into the distance in a cloud of red dust.
(c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Fair Dinkum Haiku 01: Bass.

Night was filled with sound.
Like a mighty thumping Bass.
That climbs and tumbles.

(c) 2010 Windsmoke.