Saturday, September 29, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Glacial.

Broad river runs deep
Adam's ale Glacial as ice
Born from mountain snow.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Witty Answering Machine Messages.

If you're a cat burglar then we're probably at home cleaning our arsenel of weapons and are unable to answer the phone, or else we aren't home, so its ok to leave a message!.

Twinkle twinkle little star
How i wonder who you are?
Leave your message after the beep
I'll call you back before you sleep.

Greetings, you have contacted the Clairvoyant Detective Agency. We know who you are and what your game is, so at the sound of the tone, just hang up!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Eyes, Swallow and Shampoo.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why do women rub their Eyes in the morning?.
A: Because they don't have knackers!.

Why did ya Swallow ya lunch money?, asks Emma Eagle.
Well you did say it was my lunch money, replies Eugene Eagle.

Sitting in the leather bound barbers chair in the newly renovated Contention Barber Shop is Rusty Redhead whose having a haircut, when he notices that Basil Barber has filthy hands.
How come ya hands are so filthy?, asks Rusty.
Well sir no-one has come in for a Shampoo yet!, replies Basil.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

True Blue Haiku: Hailstones.

Dainty Hailstones drip
Shimmering like diamonds
Across the azure.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Laughing stock: A mob of cattle with a sense of humour!.

Why do psychics always ask your name?.

The only place you can pick your nose and not offend anybody is in the plastic surgeons office!.

If everything seems to be going alright, maybe you've failed to notice something!.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you!.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands.

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Fun Ditties.

Smiles are free
use one everyday.

While at school i learned this
little ditty to help me remember
scientific names and formulas.
Little Brian is on the floor.
Little Brian is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
was actually H2SO4.
For those who have forgotten
H2SO4 is Sulphuric Acid!.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was full of fleas.
But did ya know the little mite
had foot and mouth disease!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Loud, Potatoes and A Miss.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is green and very Loud?.
A: A frog horn!.

Q: Why do dentists like Potatoes?.
A: Because they are so filling!.

Doctor, doctor i'm a bit concerned, says Paul Patient.
What are you concerned about?. asks Doctor Derek.
My wife Paula Patient has black hair like me, but our son Petro Patient popped out with a mop of red hair, do ya think something is a miss?.
Not at all.
Why not?
How many times a year do you have nookie?.
About six times.
Well then that's the answer.
Pray tell!.
You're just a little rusty!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Monday, September 03, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Steak Sandwich.

Spotting his bus flying past the foggy window of the Contention Fish 'N' Chip shop and pulling up at the bus stop to let off a few passengers. Josh Juniper quickly stuffs his Steak Sandwich into his backpack, slings it over his shoulder, barges through the door, sprints along the footpath toward the bus stop in a vain attempt to catch his bus before it takes off without him.

All of a sudden the bus takes off in a cloud of thick diesel smoke much to the dismay of Josh who slows down to walking pace and ends up leaning against a bluestone wall along side the bus stop which prevents anyone from falling off the footpath and into the shallow muddy creek below. A few moments pass by Josh remembers his Steak Sandwich is still in his backpack, he fumbles around, finds it amongst all the other junk, rips open the white paper bag and begins to munch away with a passion.

Strolling along the footpath from the opposite direction is Grandma Grace whose out walking Frenchy her much loved white french poodle. She comes to a halt  at the bus stop, where Frenchy sniffs the air and gets very excited at the smell of Joshs Steak Sandwich. He wanders over, plonks himself in front of Josh whinning and looking up at Josh with sad hungry eyes and then starts dry humping Joshs leg much to his disgust.
Hey lady do ya mind if i toss him a bit?, asks Josh.
Not at all, replies Grandma Grace.

Where upon Josh grabs Frenchy by the scruff of the neck and tosses him over the bluestone wall and into the muddy shallow creek below.
What did ya do that for ya mongrel?, screams Grandma Grace.
He was annoying me and you said it would be ok to toss him a bit, so i did.

Furious she storms over to Josh, kicks him in the shin with her steel toed jackboots. While Josh is hopping around on one leg grasping his painful shin, she lets fly with her heavy leather handbag smacking him right across the side of the head sending Josh sprawling in a heap onto the footpath.

Meanwhile Frenchy, covered in black, smelly mud from head to paw has clambered up the muddy creek bank, squeezes through the gap between the bluestone wall and the neighbouring fence, scrambles up to Grandma Grace, then they both wander along the footpath toward home.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.