Friday, September 30, 2011

Body Parts: Eyebrows.

There are Eyebrows and Eyebrows.
Black and gray.
Blonde and brunette.
Wiry and skinny.
Painted on.
Drawn on.
Tattooed on.
Stenciled on.
No two are alike.
Other Eyebrows are mono.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 060: Peaks.


Ringed by thick forest.
Lake of emerald waters.
Fed by snowcapped Peaks.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Antics, Candles and Flowers.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do ya get when ya cross fleas with tics?.
A: All types of Antics!.

Peter Patient says, Doctor, Doctor every time i eat birthday cake i end up with heart burn!.
Doctor Derek replies, before you eat the birthday cake remove the Candles first!!.

Q: Why are Flowers considered lazy?.
A: Because you always find 'em in bed!.


Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 059: Terrain.


Satanic clouds burst.
Vicious rain plunges headlong.
Onto shorn Terrain.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Wheel Nuts.

Driving along a congested road in an unmarked police car endeavouring to locate a suspect drug pusher Senior Constable Bertha Brunette senses the steering has become a bit wonky and suspects a punctured tyre. She pulls into a busy hotel carpark, leaps out walks around to the front of the police car and just as she suspected the passenger side tyre has a puncture.

Now in huff she storms off to the rear of the police car opens the boot lid, removes the jack and wheel brace, wanders back to the front and attempts to remove the Wheel Nuts without much luck. Near boiling point and ready to explode she jumps on the police car radio and screams for assistance claiming the wheel brace doesn't fit the Wheel Nuts.

With siren wailing Inspector Ian who was in the neighbourhood on other police matters turns up minutes later. It didn't take very long for Inspector Ian to realize what the problem is with the wheel brace. Like most cars these days they have plastic wheel trims which have fake Wheel Nuts that's why the wheel brace wouldn't fit because the real Wheel Nuts are behind the plastic wheel trim.

When Inspector Ian explained to Senior Constable Bertha Brunette about the plastic wheel trims and fake Wheel Nuts she was totally lost for words, turned red as a beetroot and didn't know whether to crawl and hide under the police car or the nearest rock with embarrassment.

Came across this story in the newspaper and once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I reckon if you can't change a wheel on your own car you should learn how to. What about you can you change a wheel on your own car?.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 058: Naked.


Riotous Naked flame.
Frolicing on pitch soaked torch.
Sparkling dank dungeon.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Geese, Pigs and a Ironing Board.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What happens when Geese land in an active volcano?.
A: They cook their own goose!.

Q: Why do Pigs have piggy banks?.
A: Because they don't use a mattress!.

Q: What is the difference between Betty Blonde and a Ironing Board?.
A: Its much harder to open the legs of a Ironing Board!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 057: Arena.


Gladiators strive.
In vast blood soaked Arena.
For brutal prestige.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Shimmering All The Time.

True friends are like diamonds.
Shimmering All The Time.
All are precious.
All are rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves.
Dreary all the time.
Very plain.
Very dry.
Scattered everywhere.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 056: Stallion.


Standing 16 hands.
Fiery black Stallion rises.
Hooves mangulate the air.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Teenager, Children and One Buck.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is gods penalty for enjoying nookie?.
A: A Teenager!.

Q: What area of the school grounds do religious children play?.
A: The pray ground!.

Q: Why didn't Betty Blonde go to the cinema on One Buck night?.
A: Because the deer wouldn't fit into her hatchback!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 055: Fragrance.


Cherry white petals floret.
Born below rich helios.
Delicate Fragrance wafts.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Garry And Julia's Big Day Out Pt 3: The Roadhouse.

With the blazing sun slowly sinking behind a bunch of tall gum trees on the horizon, dark clouds drift across the sky and it starts pouring down with rain by the bucket full obscuring Garry's vision of the road, he turns on the windscreen wipers which make little difference, if any.
What a shocker that caravan park is, says Julia.
Ya not wrong at all simply gross, looks like this rain is never going to cease, in fact i'm having trouble seeing where i'm driving, says Garry.
Its definitely set in for the night, apart from the rain we still need to locate suitable digs for the night.

Down the road a piece the pouring rain eases turning into annoying drizzle. Around the next bend Garry and Julia come across a colourful flashing billboard that reads, Contention Roadhouse we sell petrol, diesel, hot & cold food and drinks with all amenities available.
Stop at the Contention Roadhouse so i can go to the loo first then with a bit of luck grab a meal without being mobbed by millions of flies like at the caravan park, that was really gross, yuk!.
Ok then that's a bonza idea, while you're in the loo i'll top up the tank with diesel just to be on the safe side.

Turning off the main road up a short wet concrete driveway just as the rain starts to become slightly heavier and at the same moment the wind picks up a bit.
Julia winds down her window in an attempt to glean a peek inside the Roadhouse and says, Looks deserted and creepy to me except for the fluorscent light tube flickering away.
There's no chance to fill up either because the diesel bowzer is padlocked tight as a drum, unless you can raise someone that has the key we'll have to make do with half a tank.
I'll make a bee line for those sliding doors, knock on 'em to ascertain if anybody's home that can help us.
Off you go but be careful you never know what's lurking around in the shadows.
Julia just stares at Garry with a smile on her dial, leaps out of the 4wd, bolts across the wet concrete driveway, up to the sliding doors, starts banging as hard as she can and at the same time yells, hello is anybody home?, waits a few seconds for a reply that never comes, she then places her face hard up against the window in an attempt to ensure that nobody is home.

Out of the gloom appear two demented rottweiler's with large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and are totally devoid of fur just bloody skin and bones and are sprinting straight for Julia viciously howling and snarling then launch themselves through the air crashing head first into the window knocking Julia off balance onto the wet concrete a bit shaken but not stirred.
Julia picks herself up takes a gander through the now cracked window and can't believe her eyes, crys out in terror, scarpers back to the 4wd, vaults feet first through the open passenger side window and shreiks at Garry to drive and says, the Roadhouse is guarded by two demented rottweiler's who have large purple eyes, huge twisted fang like teeth protruding from their large deformed snouts and have no fur just bloody skin and bones.
Crikey they sound very scary and gross, says Garry then plants the foot spinning the rear wheels all along the slippery concrete driveway and slides sideways onto the main road.
Take it easy will ya i want to get home in one piece, says Julia.
Ok i'll slow down just for you my love, says Garry and they continue on there way down the main road in the moonlight.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.    

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 054: Swirling.


Onto derelict plage.
Obscured by dense Swirling mist.
Waves slosh over rocks.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: A Horseshoe, One, and Elected.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What does it mean when you find a Horseshoe?.
A: Some poor horse is trotting around in his socks!.

Q: Why couldn't Betty Blonde write the number "Eleven"?.
A: She didn't know which "One" to write first!.

Q: Do ya know what is wrong with political jokes?.
A: They always get Elected!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 053: Patters.


Rain Patters on withered leaves.
Gurgles down stale derelict gutters.
Roads glisten beneath street lamps.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Friday, September 02, 2011

Body Parts: Eyes.

There are Eyes and Eyes.
Blue and Brown.
Green and Grey.
Red and Black.
Some are blind drunk.
Some sparkle bright.
Others just see.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.