Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tiny Tale: Hall.

Standing all by it's lonesome looking weather beaten, sad and lonely at the bottom of a steep hill, parallel to the hairpin bend in the road that continued on towards a small village. In it's heyday the hall was a hive of activity serving as a scout and community hall sadly over the years it was left to rot. All utilities were disconnected, the corrigated iron roof, guttering and downpipes were rusting away badly leaking and blocked by leaves and small branches. The weatherboards were twisted, split, warped and rotten some falling to the ground. The paintwork is blistered, peeling and fading so badly that you couldn't see what colour the paint was. Every door was damaged and every window was smashed and glass scattered all around crunching under foot. The interior looked like a bomb had been set off because every single fixture, furnishing and floor covering in the kitchen, dining room, canteen, bathroom and toilet were vandalized or stolen and obscence graffiti covered every surface. It's a real mess.

Two young people from the small village came jogging up the road, stopped outside the hall, walked down the narrow uneven path to the front door had a captain cook inside the said to each other, "what a mess and both vowed on the spot to renovate the hall to it's original glory and be used again as a community centre".

Twelve months later after a lot of hard work replacing the rusted corrigated iron roof, guttering, downpipes, rotten weatherboards, smashed windows, damaged doors and given a fresh coat of paint on the outside it looked brand new again. Shiny new fixtures, furnishings and floor coverings were installed in the kitchen, toilet, bathroom, dinning room, canteen and given a fresh coat of paint to cover the obscence graffiti the inside looked brand new to. All was now ready for the grand opening in a few days time.

The night before the grand opening a fully loaded fuel tanker lost control on this windy rainy night on the way down the slippery steep hill, jackknifed slid along on it's side through the hairpin bend showering sparks and debris in every direction. With a groan the prime mover broke free from the fully loaded fuel tanker that was spraying fuel like a fountain on the road and surrounding paddocks from a hole punctered in it by a large tree branch. Ignited by the sparks the fuel tanker caught fire and exploded in a ball of flame and thick smoke just before smashing headlong into the newly renovated hall burning it to the ground. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Under The Weather.

This woman got so drunk she slipped on the wet tiled floor while trying to exit the toilet cubicle and got her leg and shoe with a 6 inch stiletto heel stuck in the floor level toilet's small opening right up to the knee, even twisting and turning her body didn't help she was stuck fast.

With one leg stuck up to the knee and the other leg stretched out in front of her, what makes matters worst is she was only wearing a white mirco mini skirt that rose above the hips and didn't cover her modesty completely if at all but exposed more than she would have liked.

When the emergency services arrived they gave her a blanket to help cover her modesty for as long as it takes to release her leg by dismantling the plumbing underneath the toilet cubicle, taking off her shoe with the 6 inch stiletto heel then pushing her leg through the opening. With her head held high she exited the toilet cubicle with her modesty still partly intact vowing never again to go on a drinking binge. I hope she's really learnt her lesson. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

You Can Conquer Being Overweight Or Obese.

Are you one of those people who are overweight or obese?. You probably suffer from high blood pressure, cholestrol and diabetes if so shame on you are you that lazy you can't excerise. Guess what try turning off your computer, dvd player, tv, video game console. Now that you've done that get your big fat lard bum and wobbly jelly belly off the couch you potato head and go outside for a walk for 30 minutes a day around your local neighbourhood for 5 days a week, yes that's all it takes. So now you ask what time of the day should i go for a walk and which days, are you that lazy or brain dead to work it out for yourself it's not rocket science you know, so off you go now the sooner the better and remember no pain no gain.

So you've started walking your big fat lard bum and wobbly jelly belly around your local neighbourhood but haven't succeded in losing any weight, it dosen't surprise me at all. Do you know why?. I'll tell you why. It's because you are still eating junk, take away or processed foods high in saturated fat salt and sugar you won't lose any weight eating that rubbish. So what are you going to do about it?. You don't know take a wild guess or are you still that lazy or brain dead to work it out for yourself it's not rocket science you know potato head. I guess i'll have to tell you. It's time to change your diet by refusing to eat anymore food like junk, takeaway and processed foods and combined with walking you should reduce your big fat lard bum and wobbly jelly belly in no time. Don't forget no pain no gain is the name of the game.

So what are going to eat now you ask?. Still haven't got a clue have you potato head. I guess i'll have to tell you. Health professionals recommend you stick to a diet low in saturated fats, salt and sugar. Eat more fish, fresh fruit, vegetables, drink water, use skim milk in tea or coffee. If you are still not sure see your doctor maybe he or she will be able drum it into your thick potato head. How do i know about this it's because i've been there and done the hard yards and went thru the pain so if i can do it what's stopping you potato head. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Tiny Tale: Pawnbroker.

Pushing open the front door of the pawnbrokers shop with steel security grille screwed to it to prevent the window from being broken and stock stolen. Eva entered and was assualted by a musty, dank odour. Peering around the shop with shelves stacked to overflowing with nic nac's, books, plates, cups and other assorted stock which was not to her taste. The reason for the visit was to pawn off a ring she found on one of the window sills of the pub she cleaned.

Heading for the counter with iron security bars fixed from floor to ceiling and a slot cut out at counter top height so stock could be passed through to the pawnbroker. Fumbling in her bulging purse for the ring finding it she passed it through the slot to the pawnbroker who was short and stocky nearly bald and could have done with a shower and shave the smell was overpowering. With eye piece in place ready to examine the ring but he wasn't impressed with what he saw only offering $20.00, passed it back and being such a small amount Eva said she would have to think on it.

A week later Eva decided to accept the small amount offered by the pawnbroker and headed off down the street towards the pawnbrokers shop. When she arrived to her horror the shop had been guttered by fire, not much was left standing only blackened brick walls, some burnt timber frames, bricks, roof tiles and stock scattered around in all directions. Disappointed she strolled back home placed the ring in a small wooden jewellery box which sat on her dressing table in the bedroom. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Another Small Step Towards Creating An Australian Republic.

On new year's day 2010 the Queen's name will be removed from the Australian state of Victoria's legal system for criminal court cases. It's been said the change is only symbolic i doubt this very much. Instead of the Queen's name being used in criminal court cases all criminal court cases will be in the name of the Director of Public Proscutions. Will this minor change lead to bigger changes down the track?. I think so.

In 2000 other changes were brought in. The term Queen's counsel was abolished and replaced with the term senior counsel along with the requirement for new lawyers to swear allegiance to the Queen. So who do they swear their allegiance to now?. Slowly but surely the Australian people are losing contact with there beloved Monarchy without even having a say in it.

Australian's were asked about 10 year's ago to vote whether they wanted to become a republic and cut off all ties with the Monarchy the majority voted "NO". By doing away with the Queen's name little by little it will make it a lot smoother ride towards creating an Australian Republic when the time comes without a lot of Australian people being told. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Road Tax Increase On The Horizon.

A Review of Australia's taxation system was handed to the Australian Federal Government recently but won't be released until Sunday 2nd of May just before the may budget. It's understood the review contains a new tax that being a user pays road charge to cover the high cost of maintaining our roads not to mention trying to fix the pollution problems and traffic jams. This is nothing more than a tax on a tax as drivers are considered an easy cash cow and have been for a long time.

It's been suggested that the fuel excise tax be raised by 10 cents a litre from 38.1 cents a litre to 48.1 cents a litre. Now add that to luxury car tax, stamp duty, car, truck and motor bike registration, compulsory third party insurance, gst, toll road fees. Sounds to me like drivers will be ripped off once again. More public transport is needed not more taxes.
Raising the fuel excise tax will increase transport costs, have a negative social impact on low income families and pensioners that rely on their cars to get around because of poor public transport in there area. Penalize country folk because they have to travel long distances to gain access to public facilities. Has any consideration been given to these people who will have to pay the extra tax maybe for nothing.

To make it fair across the board get rid of the fuel excise tax, gst, stamp duty, car, truck and motor bike registration, compuslory third party insurance, toll road fees and luxury car tax and replace them with the user pays road charge instead. This would be a fairer way to go as you only pay for what you use. (c) 2010 Windsmoke.