Saturday, October 13, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Proxy Father.

Unable to conceive and after much debate Paddy and Pam Purple decide to use a Proxy Father to start a family because Paddy is shooting blanks. On the day the Proxy Father is due to turn up Paddy kisses Pam and says i'm off to work the Proxy Father should be here shortly.
Yes he will be isn't it exciting, replies Pam.

Fifteen minutes later Phil Photographer from the Contention Photographic Studio whose a door to door baby photographer rings the door bell hoping to make a sale. Pam decamps from the couch to answer the door.

G' Day, would you be the lady of the house?, asks Phil.
Yes i am, replies Pam.
You don't know me but i've come to..........
There is no need to explain i've been waiting for you.
Really!, well good, i've made babies my speciality for many years.
That is what my husband Paddy and i are banking on, please come in and pull up a chair, ok so where abouts do we start?.

I suggest we start with two in the bathroom, one on the couch, a couple on the bed and on the lounge room floor where you can really spread yourself out.
I'd really like to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.
A man in my line of work must try several positions and take his time, ideally i'd like to be in and out in five minutes but i reckon you'd be saddened with that.
Ya not wrong at all.

Opening his briefcase Phil pulls out a portfolio of his recent baby photos and says, this one was taken on top of a double decker tourist bus in the middle of Contention City as you can see the twins turned out really well considering their mum was very awkward to work with, handing Pam the photo.

Crikey!, awkward to work with you say.
Yep!, that she was, i finally had to take her to the Contention Botanical Gardens to get the job done right come to think about it, it was a real nightmare with people crowding around gawping.
How long did it last for?.

I'd say at least three hours or more because the mum was constantly squealing, yelling and moaning i could hardly concentrate on the job to top it all off darkness started to descend so i had to rush to finish it. But the last straw was when possums started to nibble on my equipnment so then i knew it was time to pack it in for the day.

Strewth!, the possums actually nibbled on your er...., um...., ah...., equipnment!.
Yep, absolutely. If you are ready now i'll amble out to my van and grab my tripod and set up in the bathroom.
Why do ya need a tripod?.
I've always used a tripod to rest my Canon on because its too big for me to hold while i'm preparing myself for action!.
Gobsmacked Pam faints on the couch with Phil trying in vain to revive her.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.   


The Elephant's Child said...

Oh dear. Poor frightened Pammie.

River said...

Handy Hint Numero Uno, always, ALWAYS ID the caller! Holy Heck!

malcfifty said...


Ygraine said...

The funniest tale I've read in ages!
Brilliant :)

Beach Bum said...


Got to love it!

Andrew said...


FruitCake said...

Can just picture it...

Annmarie Pipa said...

oh my gosh!

Windsmoke. said...


G' Day RIVER: Poor Phil was about to ID himself but was cut off by Pam.

G' Day MAL, BEACH BUM, ANDREW: Ta very much.

G' Day YGRAINE: I'm so glad you got a laugh out of it.

G' Day FRUIT CAKE: You can picture a willy the size of a cannon that is really amazing.

G' Day ANNMARIE: Yep, that is one way to put it.

FruitCake said...

Obviously I'm not "short"sighted.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day FRUIT CAKE: It would seem so.

joeh said...

Very Funny!

cranky old man

PerthDailyPhoto said...

The tripod and Canon was a great finish!! Hilarious Windsmoke.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day JOEH: Welcome to Bizarre Scribble and i hope to hear from you in the future. I'm chuffed you liked it.

G' Day GRACE: Yep!, that it was.