Monday, May 30, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, A Joker, A Fleece and a Nasty Cockroach.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Who was the best Joker in the Bible?.
A: Samson, because he always brought the house down!.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her Fleece was kind of golden.
She didn't frolic in a field.
She was driven in a holden*.

Dean Diner says, There's a Cockroach eating my steak.
Wilbur Waiter replies, They don't care what they eat do they sir!.

* A holden car is manufactured in OZ by General Motors of America.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Ten Dollars.

Mandy owns a dainty bike.
She rode that bike.
Every day and night.
She bought it for Ten Dollars.
Every direction the front wheel went.
The rear wheel was sure to follow.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 029: Rain.

Barbarous cold Rain.
Furnishes dry parched landscape.
Generating life.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, A Statue, A Contract and a Bike.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

He snogged her in the dark.
The moon was glowing bright.
She was a bronze Statue.
And he was plastered on that night.

Q: Where was the mortgage Contract signed?.
A: At the bottom of the page, where else!.

Julia is chatting to Vikki while jogging around the local footy ground and says, My dog Daisy is a real pest.
Why is that?, asks Vikki.
Because she chases everybody on a Bike, replies Julia.
Vikki says, What can i do to help?.
Take her damned Bike off her, replies Julia.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

A Bonza Jest: Large Red Board.

Casually strolling through the wood and glass front door of the seedy, sleazy, grubby and dimly lit local chemist Luke makes a bee-line straight to Sally the sales assistant who's busy restocking a shelf with cough mixture and asks for a packet of coloured french letters, What size do ya need mate?, asks Sally.
Blowed if i know, i've never measured my willy before, replies a slightly embarrassed Luke.
Not a problem, replies Sally. Just walk through the green door behind you and you'll see a Large Red Board with different size holes drilled in it suspended from the ceiling by two strands of wire cable, just pop your willy in each hole until you come across the correct size or one that's close enough for you.

Luke turns around walks through the green door and enters a cold, dark and forboding room with only a desk lamp shining away in one corner of what could have been an old dusty store room in a past life. Standing in front of the Large Red Board Luke tries each different size hole. So focused on the job in hand, Luke didn't realize that Sally has snuck into the dusty old store room via a camouflaged door disguised as an old battered and badly scratched wardrobe and is on the other side of the Large Red Board having a grope each time Luke pokes his willy through a different size hole.

After Luke is satisfied he's found the correct size he rolls up to the cluttered glass counter at the front of the chemist shop where Sally is perched on a wooden stool.
Is everything ok mate?, asks Sally.
Everthing is just fine and dandy, replies Luke.
Which size coloured french letters have ya settled on?, asks Sally.
Forget the packet of coloured french letters i asked for, just sell me the Large Red Board instead because its magical, it really turns me on and tickles my fancy big time.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 028: Sand.

Gritty desert Sand.
Twisted by willy-willy.
Soaring into sky.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring, A Banker, Heaven and A Piece of String.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why was noah considered the best Banker in the bible?.
A: Because when he was floating his stock, everyone else was in liquidation!.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?.
Sinbad.
Sinbad who?.
Sinbad and you'll never enter Heaven!.

Lucas strolls into his local family hardware store and asks, i'd like to buy A Piece Of String please.
Oliver the owner asks, how long would like it?.
Lucas replies, i want to keep it, not rent it!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Cheap Elastic.

Sharon glided like a feather.
Across the shiny floor.
Made of leather.
She headed for.
The toilet door.
Her cheap elastic.
Went a little spastic.
Threatening to drop.
Her knickers on the floor.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 027: Steam.

Sun warmed gravel path.
Converts rain into tendrils of Steam.
Whipped by wind into vortexes.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups Today I'm Featuring, Eternity, Fishing and a Elephant.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What's the definition of Eternity?.
A: The time between when you ejaculate and she leaves!.

Best cobbers Barry and Luke are fishing from a river bank when Barry turns around and says, I told my wife last night i was leaving her.
What did she say?, asks Luke.
She just looked at me with a big smile on her dial and said nothing, replied Barry.
Luke asks, Then what did she do?.
She just threw open the front door and screamed out to the neighbourhood that she was throwing a wild party, replied Barry.

Q: Why did the grape give out a little wine?.
A: Because an Elephant stood on it!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Atrocious Animal Cruelty

Because of a slump in business after the Canadian Winter Olympics finished 100 Huskies that were used by tourism companies for dog sled rides north of Whistler were massacred and dumped in a mass grave some still alive, howling and whimpering in pain while attempting to crawl out of the mass grave with multiple double barrel shotgun and hunting knife wounds. Parts of their faces were blown away with raw and bloody flesh hanging off other parts of their shattered bodies.

This appaling massacre only came to the attention of The Royal Canadian Mounted Police when an unnamed employee claimed and was granted compensation for post traumatic stress disorder as a result of his or her participation in this appaling massacre of 100 Huskies using either a bouble barrel shot gun or hunting knife. Huskies were also tethered beside the mass grave and could see other Huskies being massacred right before right before their very eyes. Coming back on the second day to massacre more Huskies or finish off the wounded ones was just to gruesome and i couldn't hack it anymore, said the unnamed employee.

I reckon no compensation should have been awarded because the unnamed employee knew exactly what he or she was doing at the time and had the option to say "NO" and walk away but didn't. This compensation payment is a load of bollocks because you have to take responsibility for your actions.

Why couldn't these lovable and loyal Huskies be fostered out to loving and caring people who are quite willing to care and look after them. This would be a better alternative all round instead of this unnecesary waste of life. An inquiry has been opened by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police hopefully they will nab more culprits responsible for this atrocious, disgraceful and appaling act of cruelty and waste of life.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.   

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Fair Dinkum Haiku 026: Bubbles.

Gamma ray Bubbles.
Evident all through the sky.
Discharge imminent.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome To Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring, Wet and Wiggly, Up and Down and Pesky Mice.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What is Wet and Wiggly and says how do you do 16 times?.
A: Two octopuses shaking hands!.

In a crowded cafe Julia and Tina are having lunch when Julia asks, What type of business is your husband in?.
It's hard to describe really because it's rather Up and Down all of the time!, replies Tina.
Why is that?, asks Julia.
Because my husband makes and sells Yo-Yos!, replies Tina.

Q: Why do Pesky Mice squeak?.
A: Because they need oiling!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.