Saturday, February 18, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Sign Language.

Its a bright sunny morning on the construction site of the new Contention City Arts Centre, where Colin Conifer rolls up in his 4wd ute loaded to the brim with toolboxes. He stops, jumps out grabs two toolboxes and makes his way over to the lift, hops in, closes the wire mesh sliding door, pokes the up button with his finger for the third level. With a loud whine of the ancient electric motor the lift slowly rises until it stops with a jolt at the third level. Colin decamps and starts preparing for work. First job on the cards is to cut a piece of timber. Rummaging around in one of his toolboxes for a handsaw, which is nowhere to be seen, when it dawns on him he's left it in the 4wd ute. What a pain i'll have to go all the way back down to the ground, unless he mumbles.

Knowing that Daniel Dandelion is working on the dusty ground below, Colin wanders over to the safety rail, takes a gander and spots Daniel's yellow hardhat. Screaming at the top of his lungs at Daniel, its no use because of all the racket going on he can't be heard. Scanning the floor around him he claps eyes on a tiny piece of timber, lobs it at Daniel and it strikes him fair and square on his yellow hardhat which grabs Daniel's attention. Looking up Daniel catches on that Colin is using Sign Language.

First Colin points to his eye meaning "I", then points to his knee meaning "NEED", then moves his hand back and forth in a sawing motion meaning "SAW".
Understanding that Colin needs a handsaw, Daniel drops his jeans, makes a fist, lowers it to his groin area and gives the universal sign of onanism to let Colin know he understands the message. Taking the message the wrong way Colin strides across to the lift, pokes the ground floor button, when he reaches the ground floor with a jolt, he sprints at a cracking pace toward Daniel, shirt fronts him and they both fall heavily to the dusty ground with Colin on top and he screams, What's the big idea calling me that all i needed was was a handsaw, What've you got to say for yourself?.

I know you want a handsaw, i was telling you i'm "COMING", replies Daniel.
Well that's alright then, since i'm down here i'll get the damned handsaw myself.
What ever floats ya boat cobber.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke. 


Andrew said...

Communication breakdown. Good name for a song.

The Elephant's Child said...

Most excellent. Thank you.

Beach Bum said...


Now that was one of the funniest things I have ever read! It also makes perfect sense. I can actually see something like that happening.

FruitCake said...

You must have known I love "sign language" jokes: Thanks!

River said...

Oh dear God! That made me laugh.

Dave King said...

Best yet - definitely!

PerthDailyPhoto said...

I can see where the message got lost in translation haha! Nice one Windsmoke.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day ANDREW: Hard rock band Led Zeppelin released a song called Communcation Breakdown back in 1968/69 :-).

G' Day THE ELEPHANTS CHILD: Thanks for saying so. Hope you're feeling better today :-).

G' Day BEACH: It does happen in real life believe me :-).

G' Day FRUIT: That's good to know, i'll see if i can dig up some more :-).

G' Day RIVER: Sounds like it made your day :-).

G' Day DAVE: I'm chuffed you liked it :-).

G' Day PERTH: I reckon that's what made it all the more humourous :-).

Ygraine said...

I haven't laughed this much in ages - and that is exactly what I needed at this moment in time!
Thank you so much for lifting my spirits :)

Magsx2 said...

Hi Windsmoke,
That was hilarious, well done. LOL

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day YGRAINE: I'm glad your spirits are better :-).

G' Day MAGS: I'm stoked you enjoyed it :-).

Life Ramblings said...

thanks for the laughter. :)

btw, i'm having a tough time reading the word verifications here. don't understand why Blogger is making it so hard for everyone.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day LIFE RAMBLINGS: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it :-).