Friday, June 03, 2011

Wrapped In Brown Paper.

In the small town of Petrozavodsk in the north western Republic of Karelia, Gregor the post master is sorting through a small container on wheels which had just been delivered to the post office full of packages when he discovers a shoe box size package Wrapped In Brown Paper making a strange ticking sound. Thinking it could be a terrorist bomb Gregor carefully places the package on the front wooden counter then flees along with two other employees out onto the crowded street where he uses his mobile phone to call Russia's Anti-Terrorist Bomb Squad. 

Half an hour goes by when finally the Russian Anti-Terrorist Bomb Squad turn up in their unmarked armour plated lorry and set up down the road from the post office and promptly take control of the crime scene. A remote control robot is unloaded straight away that runs on rubber tank tracks, is mounted with a digital camera, mircophone and shotgun.

After checking out the remote control robot is in working order it proceeds up the footpath through the entrance of the post office where it halts about three feet away from the wooden counter. After levelling the shotgun at the package Wrapped In Brown Paper and blazing away bits of brown paper, cardboard and pieces of timber fly through the air, when out pops a gold coloured object that lands in front of the remote control robot merrily ticking away and is identified after closer inspection by using the mounted digital camera as only a gold plated vibrator which had turned itself on during transit and not a terrorist bomb as first thought.

This incident really occured not long after terrorists bombed Domodedovo Airport near Moscow in January leaving 37 people dead. So you can just imagine the Russian people would be a little bit nervous and on edge, thankfully it was only an innocent vibrator which is not even gold plated it's just my bizarre mind going into overdrive and adding bits and pieces to the original story in the newspaper. All places mentioned are real as is the Russian Anti-Terrorist Bomb Squad.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.   

10 comments:

magsx2 said...

Hi Windsmoke,
After what they went through over in Russia, it is easily understood why any package would be considered dangerous.

But you really have to laugh, a vibrator of all things, nobody would of been able to guess that one, and I hope everyone got a bit of a laugh out of the incident in Russia, it certainly would of eased the tension if nothing else. :)

The Elephant's Child said...

Chuckles. I worked with a guy at one stage who picked up a box of battery operated sex toys at lunchtime and proceeded to set them all going across the table. Our manager came through with a VIP in tow. She swept them back into the box and headed past, and the box gyrated along the table. Still admire her aplomb.

Beach Bum said...

I don't know how much everyone might know about the crazy state of South Carolina where I live but I have story that I have been sitting on because all proof has been erased.

South Carolina will never win any awards for being smart or logical but some of us sure have talents at acting like fools.

One of our "wise" elected officials a couple of years ago from the extreme Bible thumping region in the upstate around a town called Anderson purposed a law that would ban the sale and ownership of vibrators. The story made several local papers and a very short piece on a few television channels but disappeared soon after.

I saved the article from the Anderson, South Carolina paper on my computer but lost it after a virus was downloaded requiring I use the factory reboot disc.

Tried to locate it again but it has apparently been erased.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day BEACH BUM: Another stupid person trying to bring in a stupid law that's unenforceable or is he just trying to big note himself or just a frustrated bible thumper :-).

G' Day MAGSX2: Maybe the owner should have removed the batteries first :-).

G' Day THE ELEPHANTS CHILD: Now i would have loved to have seen that one :-).

Tempo said...

Yeah, but did they return the toy to it's rightful owner? LOL

Dave King said...

The trouble is, I'm still not sure how real is the Russian Anti-Terrorist Bomb Squad!

River said...

Gold-plated??
That's an expensive toy....

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day TEMPO: I don't think it would be working real well after being blasted by a shot gun :-).

G' Day DAVE KING: Could go by another name in Russia :-).

G' Day RIVER: A solid gold one would be more expensive, heavier and colder as well :-).

who said...

by the way it was described to me I suspect the incident is only now considered funny, as when he told me of it the details sounded like neither party were laughing back then. But anyway my cousin told me about a time two men raced up in a car and past his house and pulled over a short distance away near some apartments.

The only thing done oddly enough was one man got out, jangled a set of numerous keys and had a scanner or a radio turned on for a second or two, but that was the extent of it.

he told me all kinds of crazy stories. Half a dozen close calls where it sounded as if everyone was lucky that the original complete misunderstanding never did escalate beyond petty slander and disgusting pranks.

I would hope all parties involved today feel lucky, thankful and relief from yesterday's unnecessary stress

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day WHO: Thank you for your comment and welcome to my humble blog and i hope to hear from you again in the future :-)