Zig zagging along the footpath on this bitterly cold morning and shaking from head to toe like a leaf in a strong wind is Grandma Redhead who's husband passed away recently from a heart attack. Finally reaching her intended destination she climbs up the steps, enters the Contention Adult Shop which sells a vast array of adult entertainment of the intimate variety. She wobbles up to the front counter crammed to overflowing with various items only to discover no one is around, then notices a round brass bell residing on the counter, taps it gently in the hope someone will turn up to help her.
Behind a large black curtain on the otherside of the counter is Nancy Nutmeg the shop owner who shouts, just a minute i'm on the phone with a customer.
Ooookkkk! replies Grandma. While waiting she decides to have a sticky beak around the shop, gawping at various items on display which are not her cup of tea. Finally ending her phone call Nancy draws the large black curtain aside to reveal she is scantly clad in a very low cut, figure hugging red leather outfit which leaves nothing to the imagination at all and asks, how can i help you today love?.
Yyyyooounnnggg lllladdddy ddddoooo yyyyooouuuu sssseeeellll vvvvibbbrattttorssss?, asks Grandma.
Yes i do love, says Nancy with a cheeky smile on her face.
Bbbbigggg ffffluoressssentttt ggggreeeennnn oooonessss?.
I have in stock all different shapes, colours and sizes love.
Aaaabbbboooutttt ttttweeeellllveeee iiiinchhhhesss lllloooongggg?.
I certainly do love.
Tttthhhatttt ttttakkkessss ttttwoooo dddd ceeeellll bbbbatttteriessss?.
Yes i do love.
Wwwwelll tttthennnn ccccannnn yyyyouuuu ttttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo tttturrrrnnnn ttttheeee bbbblasssstedddd tttthingggg ooooffff?.
I can do that for you love where is the Item In Question?.
Grandma places her large black shoulder bag on the counter, removes the Item In Question, hands it to Nancy who then turns it off. Hands up those who thought the Item In Question was some place else.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.