Friday, November 04, 2011

Gone Walkabout.

Sitting comfortable in the garage on a brown leather chair which has seen better days and next to his speed boat, Lucas is reading the local rag and comes across a full page ad which reads in bold print For Sale The Contention Firewood Supply. Further down the page in small print it reads the sale includes buildings and contents, two 4wd utes, a bobcat and tip truck various axes, sledghammers, splitters, hand saws, chainsaws price on application contact Contention Real Estate for more details.

What do ya say about going into the Firewood Supply Business?, asks Lucas.
Spread out on a brown leather couch in the corner and looking dazed and confused after last nights bender Josh says, Yeah i'll give it a go its gotta be better than lying around here all day going nuts, we can use our redundacy payout as a deposit then apply for a business loan through the Contention Community Bank  to cover the shortfall. Sounds like a plan to me i'll give the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell in the morning and find out the asking price.

Next morning after giving the Contention Real Estate Agent a bell Lucas says, the asking price is $25,000, walking into the garage and plonking himself on the brown leather chair, we only have $7,000 between us so that leaves us $18,000 to borrow.

After jumping through many hoops as ya do to have a loan granted, one week later the loan is approved and the following day Lucas and Josh are handed the keys to their new business venture.
I never thought in my wildest dream that you and me would go into business together, says Lucas.
Me either, so now we have to make a go of it so no whinging, moaning or slacking off when the going gets tough, replies Josh.
I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7.30 am then we'll see who'll be whinging, moaning or slacking off.

On the first day of business Lucas and Josh cut and chop small redgum logs into three piles of firewood then Josh jumps onto the bobcat fires it up and scoops one pile into the tip truck ready for delivery after lunch. Lunchtime is finished and everything is washed up and put away, Lucas and Josh both jump into the tip truck and take off to make their first delivery on the other side of town.

Returning to the yard an hour later they discover one pile of firewood has Gone Walkabout.
I don't believe this when we left there were two piles of firewood now there's only one, says Lucas.
What should we do about it call the police?, asks Josh reaching for his mobile phone.
No wait, i've an idea that will catch the thief.
OK then. 

Next morning Lucas says to Josh we'll only prepare two piles of firewood today.
Why only two piles?, asks Josh
I want to be certain the lowlife thief pinches this pile today because i'll prepare a nasty surprise for him, says Lucas.
What would that be?.
Never mind that jump into one of the utes, because its your shout to buy lunch today.
While Josh is out buying lunch Lucas rigs the firewood with his nasty surprise. After making their first delivery of the day and returning to the yard they discover the other pile has Gone Walkabout to.
Do we ring the police this time?, asks Josh mobile phone at the ready.
No we wait and see what happens tonight, says Lucas.

Around 6.00pm a loud explosion echoes through the town which the town folk find out via the grapevine that it came from the Contention Pizza Shop. When Lucas turns up a small crowd has gathered to watch the action.
People are saying the wood fired oven blew up while the cook was preparing the oven for tonights customers, says Josh.
Now you you know who's been pinching our firewood, says Lucas.
What did you do?, asks Josh.
I stuffed two pieces of hollow firewood with two shotgun cartridges in each piece and waited for the big bang.

Came across this story in the newspaper which actually happened, the real parts are the piles of firewood being pinched and the shotgun cartridges were stuffed into hollow pieces of firewood. Once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. When you come to think about it , it really is irresponsible, stupid, dangerous and reckless act. If it was me i'd hide myself somewhere in the yard, camera at the ready and wait for the lowlife thief to turn up then snap away and turn the photos over to the police, its much safer that way. What would you have done in a situation like this?.

(c) 2011 Windsmoke.          


FruitCake said...

Someone really did this??? Remind me not to buy firewood from that lot, what if a piece got misplaced?

Andrew said...

I'm afraid I like the shotgun cartridge solution. That'll learn 'em. Lol at the town name, Contention.

Cloudia said...


Aloha from Honolulu

Comfort Spiral

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Anonymous said...

Hi Windsmoke,
That's incredible.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day FRUIT CAKE: Yup, somebody did i still have the newspaper clipping :-).

G' Day ANDREW: Contention is definitely a bizarre town :-).

G' Day CLOUDIA: Absolutely :-).

G' Day MAGS: It certainly is :-).

River said...

Very similar story in a book I read at school......

Tempo said...

When I was a kid my mum told the story of how my dad (who really did work for a mining company)stuffed a half stick of dynamite into a log to find the local wood thief who turned out to be a near neighbor just around the corner. The story went that when it went off it emptied the contents of the fireplace into his lounge room starting fires on his furniture.
I have no idea if this really happened or if it was an extension of this old yarn.. but thats what I'd recommend. (I have history)

Dave King said...

new to me. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Beach Bum said...

What would you have done in a situation like this?.

I really like their solution although given our legal system here in the States the thief could probably sue them for endangerment.

Like you I'd would setup some sort of remote camera system that can sense movement and take pictures.

A really great post by the way!

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day RIVER: I wouldn't be surprised because it did actually happen as i said at the end :-).

G' Day TEMPO: I take it you like to blow things up :-).

G' Day DAVE: I'm stoked you enjoyed it :-).

G' Day BEACH BUM: Sometimes the legal system is upside down in some cases and can really let down innocent people :-).

The Elephant's Child said...

There is an idiot born every minute and some of them take longer than that and acquire extra idiocy.

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day THE ELEPHANTS CHILD: Ain't that the truth :-).