Saturday, June 30, 2012

A Bonza Jest: Mouth Wide Open.

In a panic, Paula Patient jumps into her car, barrels down the highway to the Contention Clinic in the hope of consulting Doctor Derek without an appointment. Paula parks her car, storms through the front sliding doors, up to the reception desk where Nurse Nadia is perched on her chair sorting through a stack of paper work and asks, how can i help you?.

I would like to speak with Doctor Derek right away, replies Paula.
Nurse Nadia decamps from her chair, ambles down a short hallway, lightly taps on the consulting room door which is flung open by Doctor Derek who asks, what seems to be the problem nurse?.

Paula Patient has just turned up in a panic wishing to speak with you right away, you have no other patients for at least another hour or so.
If that is the case show her in.

Nurse Nadia ambles back to the reception desk and escorts Paula to the consulting room where she plonks herself on a cold hard plastic chair in front of Doctor Derek who asks, what are you panicking about?.

My husband Peter Patient sleeps with his Mouth Wide Open and he swallowed a tiny white mouse, what can i do?.
That's easy, do you fish?.
Yes, but what has fishing got to do with it?.

All ya gotta do is tie a tiny piece of tasty cheese to a length of fishing line, lower it into Peter Patients mouth, as soon as the tiny white mouse chomps down on it reel the fella out.

I'll do that after i've bought a can of sardines from the Contention Supermarket.
What on earth do you want a can of sardines for?.
Didn't i tell ya, i've gotta get fluffy the cat out first!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.


Anonymous said...

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog to catch the cat to catch the mouse to catch the spider to catch the fly ...

FruitCake said...

The only thing I could imagine worse than swallowing a mouse would be a sardine [oh... or a pilchard].. and so I pronounce this story "gag of the week".
Thanks ever so etc

Anonymous said...

Hi Windsmoke,
Oh I pictured all of that as I was reading, what a laugh, great joke.

River said...

I was going to say what jane.healy said.
Also if my man (if I had one) slept with his mouth THAT wide open, I'd leave him to his fate. I'm cruel.....

Ygraine said...

Thanks for cheering up my Saturday afternoon (but, of course it's early morning there!).
Brilliant, funny, and unforgettable :)

Joanne said...

And, where is the doctor with no patients for an hour? That's the part I didn't beieve.

Beach Bum said...


About rolled out of my chair after reading this, great job!

Jayne said...

Well done :)

PerthDailyPhoto said...

I've heard that we all swallow a certain amount of Daddy Long Legs through our lifetime (that freaked me out!) but methinks Peter Patient would be a little scary to sleep next to, his swallowing capabilities could be life threatening hahaha!

Terra Shield said...

Ha ha... Good one!

Windsmoke. said...

G' Day JANE: I can just remember that one from my school days :-).

G' Day FRUIT: Not a big fan of sardines or pilchards myself :-).

G' Day MAGS, BEACH, JAYNE & TERRA: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it :-).

G' Day RIVER: It is a bit cruel indeed :-).

G' Day YGRAINE: I'm glad you feel better now :-).

G' Day JOANNE: In his consulting room having a snooze :-).

G' Day GRACE: Swallowing daddy long legs is really freaky stuff, enough to give ya nightmares :-).

Lynn Proctor said...

omgosh--funny but it makes me hold my throat, just thinking about it!

Annmarie Pipa said...

my kids all got very worried when she swallowed the horse...