Saturday, August 27, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 051: Fog.
Fingers of dense Fog.
Swirl around headstones and crypts.
In moon lit graveyard.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 26, 2011
A Bonza Jest: Hair Spray.
Grandpa George and Grandson Geoff are tilling the backyard vegie patch, when out of one corner of his eye Grandson Geoff spots a fat earthworm attempting to wriggle back into its tiny hole.
Grandson Geoff says, I bet you twenty dollars that i can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole.
Grandpa George replies, I'll take that bet because there's no way you can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole its to wiggly and floppy.
Grandson Geoff skedaddles inside Grandpa George's house and reappears moments later with a can of Grandma's Hair Spray, kneels down and gives the fat earthworm a liberal dose of Hair Spray until its straight and stiff as a board he picks it up and squeezes that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole. Grandpa George is gobsmacked hands over twenty dollars, grabs the can of Hair Spray, charges into the house like a bull in a china shop.
Once inside Grandpa George whips off his overalls, boots and boxer shorts, aims the can of Hair Spray at his shrivelled up willy and sprays away until its straight and stiff as a board, seizes Grandma Grace and gives her a seeing to on the cold kitchen floor.
Thirty minutes later Grandpa George wobbles out of the house with twenty dollars in his hand and gives it to Grandson Geoff who says, You've already paid me twenty dollars.
I know, this is from your Grandma Grace in appreciation and i'll tell ya this Hair Spray trick is out of this world and cheaper than viagra by a long shot.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Grandson Geoff says, I bet you twenty dollars that i can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole.
Grandpa George replies, I'll take that bet because there's no way you can squeeze that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole its to wiggly and floppy.
Grandson Geoff skedaddles inside Grandpa George's house and reappears moments later with a can of Grandma's Hair Spray, kneels down and gives the fat earthworm a liberal dose of Hair Spray until its straight and stiff as a board he picks it up and squeezes that fat earthworm right back in its tiny hole. Grandpa George is gobsmacked hands over twenty dollars, grabs the can of Hair Spray, charges into the house like a bull in a china shop.
Once inside Grandpa George whips off his overalls, boots and boxer shorts, aims the can of Hair Spray at his shrivelled up willy and sprays away until its straight and stiff as a board, seizes Grandma Grace and gives her a seeing to on the cold kitchen floor.
Thirty minutes later Grandpa George wobbles out of the house with twenty dollars in his hand and gives it to Grandson Geoff who says, You've already paid me twenty dollars.
I know, this is from your Grandma Grace in appreciation and i'll tell ya this Hair Spray trick is out of this world and cheaper than viagra by a long shot.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 050: Massacre.
Rebel militia.
Massacre village children.
Diamonds stained with blood.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Footy, Flashes, Pudding and Pie.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What lights up a Footy ground?.
A: A Footy match!.
Q: What happens when you cut the tail off a glow worm?.
A: It Flashes!.
Georgie porgie Pudding and Pie.
He snogged the lasses and made 'em cry.
When the chaps came out to play.
He would snog them to.
Georgie was funky that way.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: What lights up a Footy ground?.
A: A Footy match!.
Q: What happens when you cut the tail off a glow worm?.
A: It Flashes!.
Georgie porgie Pudding and Pie.
He snogged the lasses and made 'em cry.
When the chaps came out to play.
He would snog them to.
Georgie was funky that way.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 049: Graveyard.
Stark Graveyard meadow.
Enclosed by wrought iron fence.
Weed filled hillocks encompass.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Self Cannibalism.
New Zealand man Simon finished work at midnight and half an hour later walked through the front door of his flat feeling a bit depressed and decided to cook himself a meal hoping it would cheer him up. First of all Simon grabbed a packet of stir fry vegetables from the fridge, a chinese wok from the cupboard, placed it on the gas stove, emptied the entire packet of stir fry vegetables into the wok, added a pinch of salt and pepper, a splash of olive oil. Then walked from the kitchen to the laundry where the freezer is kept, opened the door looking for packs of meat or chicken and discovered he'd run out, then in a rage spat the dummy walked back to the kitchen opened the nearest draw looking for a shoe lace.
At the bottom of the draw he found a shoe lace, tied it around his pinky finger to act as a touriquet, grabbed a large meat cleaver stuck on a magnetic untensil strip fixed to the wall. With knuckles pushed up hard against the edge of the kitchen bench with the pinky finger extended on top and other fingers below the bench top pointing towards the floor and still grasping the large meat cleaver Simon raised it above his head, swung down in a short vicious arc severing his pinky finger which slid across the bench top. Simon reached across, picked it up and dropped it into the wok, cooked it until it was golden brown with the stir fry vegetables sat down and dined on the flesh. Simon enjoyed eating the pinky finger so much he planned to dine another two severed fingers the very next day.
Instead of dining on another two severed fingers Simon sought medical treatment and was diagnosed with moderate symptons of depression which included a rare case of self cannibalism according to a New Zealand Psychiatrist.
Came across this story which actually happened in the newspaper, once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I don't know about you but i couldn't in my wildest or bizarre dreams ever sever one of my own body limbs cook and eat it no matter what the circumstances no way. Could you sever one of your own body limbs cook and eat it?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
At the bottom of the draw he found a shoe lace, tied it around his pinky finger to act as a touriquet, grabbed a large meat cleaver stuck on a magnetic untensil strip fixed to the wall. With knuckles pushed up hard against the edge of the kitchen bench with the pinky finger extended on top and other fingers below the bench top pointing towards the floor and still grasping the large meat cleaver Simon raised it above his head, swung down in a short vicious arc severing his pinky finger which slid across the bench top. Simon reached across, picked it up and dropped it into the wok, cooked it until it was golden brown with the stir fry vegetables sat down and dined on the flesh. Simon enjoyed eating the pinky finger so much he planned to dine another two severed fingers the very next day.
Instead of dining on another two severed fingers Simon sought medical treatment and was diagnosed with moderate symptons of depression which included a rare case of self cannibalism according to a New Zealand Psychiatrist.
Came across this story which actually happened in the newspaper, once again my bizarre mind went into overdrive adding bits and pieces here and there. I don't know about you but i couldn't in my wildest or bizarre dreams ever sever one of my own body limbs cook and eat it no matter what the circumstances no way. Could you sever one of your own body limbs cook and eat it?.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Fair Dinkum Haiku 048: Laughter.
Howling at the moon.
Demented sounds of Laughter.
Screaming haunted ghosts.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
*Join me every Wednesday & Saturday for Fair Dinkum Haiku, see ya then*.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Random Humour For Grown Ups.
Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups, Today I'm Featuring: Broomsticks, Orange and a Sermon.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do wicked witches navigate their Broomsticks?.
A: By witchful thinking!.
Q: What makes a goldfish Orange?.
A: Rusty water!.
Standing at the pulpit a priest is finishing off his temperance Sermon with great passion and says to his parishioners, If i had every drop of wine, whiskey and beer i'd tip them all in the nearest river!!!.
With the Sermon finished another priest stands at the pulpit with a big smile on his dial and says, The final hymn of the morning will be hymn 365, we shall all gather at the nearest river!!!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.
Q: How do wicked witches navigate their Broomsticks?.
A: By witchful thinking!.
Q: What makes a goldfish Orange?.
A: Rusty water!.
Standing at the pulpit a priest is finishing off his temperance Sermon with great passion and says to his parishioners, If i had every drop of wine, whiskey and beer i'd tip them all in the nearest river!!!.
With the Sermon finished another priest stands at the pulpit with a big smile on his dial and says, The final hymn of the morning will be hymn 365, we shall all gather at the nearest river!!!.
Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2011 Windsmoke.
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