A Bonza Jest: Sign Language.

Its a bright sunny morning on the construction site of the new Contention City Arts Centre, where Colin Conifer rolls up in his 4wd ute loaded to the brim with toolboxes. He stops, jumps out grabs two toolboxes and makes his way over to the lift, hops in, closes the wire mesh sliding door, pokes the up button with his finger for the third level. With a loud whine of the ancient electric motor the lift slowly rises until it stops with a jolt at the third level. Colin decamps and starts preparing for work. First job on the cards is to cut a piece of timber. Rummaging around in one of his toolboxes for a handsaw, which is nowhere to be seen, when it dawns on him he's left it in the 4wd ute. What a pain i'll have to go all the way back down to the ground, unless he mumbles.

Knowing that Daniel Dandelion is working on the dusty ground below, Colin wanders over to the safety rail, takes a gander and spots Daniel's yellow hardhat. Screaming at the top of his lungs at Daniel, its no use because of all the racket going on he can't be heard. Scanning the floor around him he claps eyes on a tiny piece of timber, lobs it at Daniel and it strikes him fair and square on his yellow hardhat which grabs Daniel's attention. Looking up Daniel catches on that Colin is using Sign Language.

First Colin points to his eye meaning "I", then points to his knee meaning "NEED", then moves his hand back and forth in a sawing motion meaning "SAW".
Understanding that Colin needs a handsaw, Daniel drops his jeans, makes a fist, lowers it to his groin area and gives the universal sign of onanism to let Colin know he understands the message. Taking the message the wrong way Colin strides across to the lift, pokes the ground floor button, when he reaches the ground floor with a jolt, he sprints at a cracking pace toward Daniel, shirt fronts him and they both fall heavily to the dusty ground with Colin on top and he screams, What's the big idea calling me that all i needed was was a handsaw, What've you got to say for yourself?.

I know you want a handsaw, i was telling you i'm "COMING", replies Daniel.
Well that's alright then, since i'm down here i'll get the damned handsaw myself.
What ever floats ya boat cobber.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke. 

Fair Dinkum Haiku 098: Dust.

Fluffy Dust motes.
Cavort through tiny sunbeams.
Via window pane.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: A Woman, A Moustache and A Disease.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do ya call A Woman who always knows where her husband is?.
A: A widow!.

George Green wanders into the Contention Hotel orders a beer and is gobsmacked at the sight of Billy the barman because he's built like a brick outhouse, has bulging muscles and covered in tattoos, unshaven and sweaty.

A few minutes pass by when Billy realises that George is staring at him and asks, what are ya staring at cobber?.
Stone the crows cobber you look identical to someone i know if it wasn't for the Moustache, replies George.

I don't have a Moustache.
I know but my wife does!.

Doctor Derek asks, have you ever had this disease before?.
Yes, replies Peter Patient.
Well, you've got it again!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Upon The Stairs.

On a dark and stormy night
lurking in the shadows
Upon The Stairs
when lightning flashes
i see a shadowy figure
in hooded robe
bright eyes staring
smiling teeth
weilding a scythe
has death itself
come for me?.

I come awake
with a start
quiver like a leaf
in pools of sweat.
Leap out of bed
peer out my
bedroom door
toward the stairs.

Shake my head
and ponder, was
that shadowy figure
really there
Upon The Stairs
or in my ugly
nightmares?.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 097: Avarice.

Large elegant whales.
Harried to near extinction.
By mans Avarice.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: No Cups, 24HRS and Dig Up.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?.
A: No Cups and very little support!.

Its close to sunset when Jade Juniper rolls up to the 24HRS Contention Convenience Store only to find the Ollie the owner locking the front door.
Hey cobber, you're sign says you're open 24HRS a day, says Jade.
Staring at Jade through tired eyes Ollie says, But not 24HRS in a row!.

Q: Who do ghosts invite to their birthday parties?.
A: Anyone they can dig up!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Another Night.

When my lover
walked away
never thought
i'd be okay.
I believed i'd
overcome these
love sick blues.

I'll probably die
a bodger
a uneasy fella.
I may not leave
my mark on this
insane world.
I'd harmonize
my humanity
if you would
spend Another
Night with me.

You slipped into your
dark trench coat
real slow.
I've grovelled.
I've fallen apart.
Still you wouldn't
spend Another
Night with me.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fair Dinkum Haiku 096: Noble.

Snowcapped pinnacles.
Rise up toward the heavens.
Beyond Noble clouds.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.