A Bonza Jest: Mouth Wide Open.

In a panic, Paula Patient jumps into her car, barrels down the highway to the Contention Clinic in the hope of consulting Doctor Derek without an appointment. Paula parks her car, storms through the front sliding doors, up to the reception desk where Nurse Nadia is perched on her chair sorting through a stack of paper work and asks, how can i help you?.

I would like to speak with Doctor Derek right away, replies Paula.
Nurse Nadia decamps from her chair, ambles down a short hallway, lightly taps on the consulting room door which is flung open by Doctor Derek who asks, what seems to be the problem nurse?.

Paula Patient has just turned up in a panic wishing to speak with you right away, you have no other patients for at least another hour or so.
If that is the case show her in.

Nurse Nadia ambles back to the reception desk and escorts Paula to the consulting room where she plonks herself on a cold hard plastic chair in front of Doctor Derek who asks, what are you panicking about?.

My husband Peter Patient sleeps with his Mouth Wide Open and he swallowed a tiny white mouse, what can i do?.
That's easy, do you fish?.
Yes, but what has fishing got to do with it?.

All ya gotta do is tie a tiny piece of tasty cheese to a length of fishing line, lower it into Peter Patients mouth, as soon as the tiny white mouse chomps down on it reel the fella out.

I'll do that after i've bought a can of sardines from the Contention Supermarket.
What on earth do you want a can of sardines for?.
Didn't i tell ya, i've gotta get fluffy the cat out first!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

Can a dumb person be a smarty pants?.

Are you going the wrong way, if everything is coming your way?.

How can ya draw a blank?.

If i have an open mind, will my brain tumble out?.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and was ya hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Birth Control, Stealing and a Burial Plot.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: What do solicitors use for Birth Control?.
A: Their obnoxious personalities!.

Q: Why does the government jail people for Stealing?.
A: To eliminate the competition!.

For a number of years George and Grace Greens marriage has been on the rocks, when George realises its Graces birthday tomorrow so he wanders down to the Contention Cemetary to buy her a Burial Plot.

Next day George hands Grace all the paperwork for the Burial Plot and wishes her a happy birthday. After reading the paperwork through, Grace throws it back in Georges face and storms off in a huff.

Twelve months down the track Graces birthday rolls around again with no present in sight from George.
How come ya didn't buy me a birthday present this year?, asks Grace.
Because you didn't use last years present i got ya!, replies George.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Fun Ditties.

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts
shot up its back
turning its wool
to nylon!.

Spring has sprung
the grass has rizz
i wonder where
all the peoples is!.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her brother killed it dead.
Now that lamb goes
to school with Mary
between two bits of bread!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

If Aussies chuck rice at weddings, do Asians chuck meat pies?.

Why is it when a door is open, its ajar, but when a jar is open its not a door?.

Why do men drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding?.

When you strangle a Smurf, what colour does it turn?. 

Do umpires really care which team wins the game?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash ya hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Random Humour For Grown Ups.

Welcome to Random Humour For Grown Ups. Today I'm Featuring: Last Year, Sunburnt and First Car.

So wrap ya laughing gear around this lot and enjoy the ride.

Q: Why did the auditor cross the road at the same place?.
A: Because he did it Last Year!.

Q: What is black, white and red all over?.
A: Sunburnt nuns!.

Wandering around the Contention City Caryard which sells both new and used cars is Ruby Redhead whose buying her very First Car and really doesn't have a clue what type of car she wants.

Do you want a four or six cylinder car?, asks Stewart Salesman.
Actually i'm not rolling in cash at the moment so i'll take four now and come back later for the other two!.

Until next time keep smiling it costs nothing.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Witty Answering Machine Messages.

Twinkle, twinkle little star.
Betcha can't guess where we are?.

G' Day! Ruby's toaster speaking, her brand spanking new answering machine has cracked a wobbly and is in the repair shop. Please leave a message when the toast is done!.

No!, no!, not that, anything but that
not the beep, no!, please i beg you
not the beep, anything but the beep
AAA, IIII, EEEEEEEEEEEE!.

(c) 2012 Windsmoke.

Perched On The Dunny Pondering.

Every now and then in our life we've all been Perched On The Dunnny Pondering. For that reason here are a handfull of odds and ends to ponder over.

When dog food is new and improved, who does the taste test?.

If excuses are like bottoms and everyones got 'em, do they all pong?.

Why do banks call it instant credit, when it really means instant debit?.

I poured spot remover on my dog Spot, now he's disappeared!.

Why are fast reflexes a substitute for good manners?.

When you decamp from the dunny with your replies please don't forget to flush and wash your hands :-).

Until next time jolly pondering.
(c) 2012 Windsmoke.